Da Homeboi

Oh and 3 of the airplane engines went out.

...and the flight attended said they ran out of salted peanuts and diet Dr. Pepper, and the only movie they had was Bio-Dome on VHS!

And the little kid behind me kept throwing up the whole time...

Except for the fact I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor.

You know I've never been on a real airplane before, and I got to say, it was pretty swell!

Albuquerque! (aw yeah)

to Albuquerque!

That's right! A first-class one-way ticket-

I was off by three but I still won the grand prize!

Cuz that's when this local radio station hosted a contest to see who could correctly guess the number of molecules up Leonard Nimoy's butt!

Well lemme tell y'all people, it wasn't that long until my dream came true!

WAKKA-WAKKA DOO-DOO YEAH!

Where the Shriners and the Lepers play their ukulele's all day long and anybody on the street would gladly shave your back for a nickel!

Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer, and the towels are OH-SO FLUFFY!

That's when I swore that someday, someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical far-away place.

And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth and force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was 26 and-a-half years old.

And she leaned down right next to me, and she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!"

i finally understand

And my dear sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train.

I said to my mom, I said "Hey mom! What's up with all the sauerkraut?"