Bullshit Your Way To Victory

I change the city's laws to make me its king.
(I can do this because I am the king of the city)

 

That is irrelevant
Because I am already fated to own the city.

 

Just because you are fated to own it in the future does not mean you own it already, which means it is still mine.
I also set off an explosive right in the middle of the city.

 

But in the end, I will succeed, regardless of the petty squables you folks have. They are literally meaningless until you stop me. It means that doing anything other than trying to stop my time travel plan will effectively do nothing.

 

I stop time, so that your fate never comes to pass, and the city is mine forever.

 

oh no time is stopped @Elytry whatver shall we do? I elect we smash his time travelling device with a COSMICALLY LARGE HAMMER

 

Well.
You certainly did travel into the future.
Except . . . not quite far enough, now did you?
Because, if you had stayed there just a couple weeks longer, you would've seen someone appear.
A clone of mine, in fact.

The days run by. Petty squabbles, interdimensional battles, corgis and salmon and gods, killed and reborn again.
Eventually, it is the day of reckoning. You've been turned into a snail by this point (how? I don't know! The people on this thread are not in their right mind), but you, through sheer willpower, turn yourself human again.
And, raising your head to meet the gaze of the rising sun, you realize where - or, rather, when, you are.
This is what you saw. This is the city, burnt and ruined. The corpses of the damned litter the streets. You can't quite recall what caused this - something about someone teleporting the city into the sun, maybe? Regardless, it is time.
You collect the ashes of the city in your great vase, and you wait.
Wait for what? Well - you've done it all. You did it. You won.
Right?
You can't shake some dreadful sense of foreboding.
Like you missed something.
Some contingency plan.
Something someone said hundreds of years ago, back before you even saw this point in time.
Ah, well, that can't be right - you've killed them all!

The first day passes. The second, third, fourth. Slowly, slowly, the feeling dissipates, and you come to terms with the new reality. Your new reality.

You wake up, walk outside to tend to your gardens.
If only you had been facing a little to the left.
If only, you would've seen the tear open in time itself and a Mardeknius - well, a clone, but when the "real" one is gone, and the clone is the only one that's left . . . the clone has replaced the "real one" - step out.
You weren't looking, but you do feel the cold steel of a gun to the back of your head.
"Goodnight", she says.
A single shot was all it took.






so I guess I own the city now

(the last guy I went out with was 5'6, this is vicious slander)


(you know what come to think of it I've never gone out with a guy 6' or above)

 

In my defense, I've been locked up in a room reading memes for 3 days

 

Covid?

 

( that was a joke)
ok seriously tho the only people I have interacted with aside from my family and teachers ( and interractions went by in like 5 seconds) was people online. ( I 'm socially reta- [censored because I don't want to get killed by staff] )

 

nobody's responding to this thread


From the depths of the earth - a stirring, a churning. Something's brewing, something's coming.
Mardeknius continued her rule over the city, slowly rebuilding it and revitalizing the land again. Using some magic thing that she willed into existence, she created citizens to repopulate the city. After several years' rule, a robed, hunched figure shows up at the gates. Upon the guards' refusal to let it in, it turns them into peanut butter and eats them, before entering the city. It makes its way to the castle at the centre, where Mardeknius lives, killing anyone and anything in its path. When it gets to the castle, it whistles sharply, and the left wall of the castle collapses entirely, as a giant bird comes barreling at the castle. This bird is Toucanus, tired of Mardeknius' usage of it as a mere tool. It's a god! It's above being used by any mortal!
Mardeknius attempts to flee, using a smoke bomb but the smoke is actually chloroform so anyone who breathes it in goes unconscious, but the robed figure simply walks through the chloroform smoke, completely ignoring it. Mardeknius draws a gun, and the robed figure snaps its fingers, at which point Mardeknius is turned inside-out, and then trips backwards into a fire and burns to death.
Satisified, Toucanus leaves, taking his toucan army to destroy all the guards and armies that the city has developed.
The robed figure takes its seat on the throne, and rebuilds the entire castle with nothing but its mind.
After placing the crown on themselves, the figure removes its cowl.
However . . . it has no face.
It's just a single dark obelisk, surviving all these temporal shenanigans through sheer strength of being.
It also seems to have the face of a corgi on it. The corgi "survived" decanonization by becoming a part of the obelisk - the corgi isn't canon, but its powers still are.


@Etherweaver

 

With the corgi’s power, I travel back in time and make deals with several powerful beings; notably, Bill Jones, Egbert, and Jared to preserve them in exchange for them lending me their capabilities. I assimilate their consciousnesses in a manner similar to what I did with the corgi, giving me the powers to retcon, be omnipresent, and bend narrative structure to my desires. I retcon previous events so that all the obelisk clones of myself survived, and furthermore are perfect copies of myself all bound to my will. Lastly, I break the fourth wall and bend the timeline so that I actually achieved making Wynncraft Forums user Mardeknius unable to post on this thread.

 

...
Mardeknius just texted me "I just f***ed up, go on the Wynncraft Forums bs-your-way-to-victory-thread". This does seem like rather a pickle they're in.

Etherweaver, are you aware of what you just did? You just absorbed Egbert's powers. And what is it that Egbert does? He messes things up.
Unfortunately, you are now practically unable to do anything properly. You absorbed Egbert's powers first. Rather than absorbing everyone's powers, as you described, you actually inject your powers into Bill Jones and Jared. They now both have the powers of the corgi. Perhaps you shouldn't have absorbed Egbert's powers. Too late!
You encounter similar issues with your retconning, and instead just create another universe in which all these obelisk clones survived, but you cannot access that universe from this one. When attempting to break the fourth wall, you instead break the third wall, which just knocks down one of the walls in your room. Mardeknius can still post.


(You're welcome, @Mardeknius.)

I hit you with one of the aforementioned cosmically-large hammers that are now left around everywhere, and, while a normal person would simply go flat, you crack and crumble, due to being an obelisk. Any of your efforts to stop me just help me, due to your Egbert abilities. I continue crushing you until you are a fine powder, which I then toss into my Decanonizer. I then take over the city.

 

tysm enigmaaaaaaa <3 very kind of you

Oh boy, was that a mistake. Jared is not happy with you.
Unfortunately, you've been decanonized, so Jared can't do much atm.
He does, however, toss Bill Jones into the Decanonizer because that guy is going to cause me problems later if he's still around

Jared brings me back to life, and takes away enigma's spine so that he can't be king anymore (that's a law), before putting me, his loyal servant, in charge of the city. I rule the city now.

 

Well, if I can’t beat the two of you, he always can

Unfortunately, you made the awful mistake of not decanonizing the corgi. The corgi from the other universe, in which the anti-retconning succeeded, takes over Jared’s body and easily topples Mardeknius’ regime, setting themselves up as a benevolent ruler of the city. It, morally-grey after seeing what you did to the city’s people, tosses both of you into the decanonizer, and by mere virtue of being, creates a Retcon Paradox that destroys and wipes all past, present, and future instances of the machine, along with your now-erased selves.

 

you just retconned the retcon machine
that . . . de-retcons everything that it has retconned

But - wait, this creates several contradictions and paradoxes. The multiverse itself - tired of all this temporal paradoxery - removes all instances of the Corgi from history. This creates a complete destruction of the timeline, and the reality we are currently in collapses, along with all possible iterations of the corgi.




A new beginning, then.
With all the events of the last couple years' of bullshitting our way to victory erased, perhaps we'll be able to take the city from one another in ways that do not accidentally destroy our own universe.
Let's begin.
I own the city.

 

As I am revived, I use my time tech stolen from your variant's TVA to escape the rebuilding. I transform into a snail in this new timeline.

 

The time tech was decanonized alongside all of the previous events of this thread

 

bro hit the restart button. I sneak up on @Mardeknius and kick her off the highets building in the city, then take over . I own the city now and Mardeknius is ded

 

You fool - I was wearing Double Vision! My hitting the ground does nothing, and I craft a diamond sword using THREE diamonds and a stick (it's a really long diamond sword) and then scare you off by waving it around threateningly