World Item Lore Rework

bump10char

 

I'm sorry no you can't do this

 

Why do I feel like I know who made that one?

 

oh my god

 

Since when Tesla is a defensive item

 

Wasn't me

The lore says that it's at the expense of defensive capability

 

For things like the gert ultistick I prefer the old lore and changing these might be unnecessarry.

However most of the lore change are welcome 'cause now lore-wise it's gonna make more sense and overall some are just better written and even sometimes more poetic which I enjoy reading

 

electric shocks to the wearer's cock and balls

 

You're not allowed to say that here, Samsam101...

 

Bumpcometowynntheorywehavelore10chars

 

bump10char

 

Me too!

 

item lore...

 

this thread spent a year in development hell only to be buried

 

tbf it was dead for a few months

 

HOOOLY SHIT HOW HAVE I NOT SEEN THIS UNTIL NOW???????

 

Btw there is a bounty for "weird" item lores (e.g. "sucks" or anything obviously not meant to be there). Reward? worthless internet points!

 

I think the golemlus cores are specified to be mostly mechanical in the new from the bottom quest

 

CLAUSE WITH REGARD TO "this"/"these" PIECE(s) OF EQUIPMENT. CLAUSE WITH REGARD TO EQUIPMENT, CLAUSE WITH REGARD TO USER.
What really causes items to lose their identity is this formulaic lore structure that can be seen so often in Wynn item lores.
Also, this is a rework. The lore is intended to be different from the original.

So- what's wrong with the lore, specifically?

But on your suggestion: no one knows who Uru is, and that's a big problem. You can't just make a reference to a vague throwaway character that was made up just for the context of this specific lore, because no one will know who Uru is, and at that point the name "Uru" may as well be a magical incantation that appears on the player's screen. Also, Uru and his actions are the subject (not in the grammatical sense) of a sentence only once in this lore. His actions are not elaborated upon and their consequences are not mentioned.

Also: grammar error. "the fate of the Doguns were poised to..."; the "were" should be "was."

And "the Dwarves marching upon the Heights" is unnecessary; the fact that they are interacting with the Doguns is enough to say that they're in the Heights, so it provides no further informational value and nor does it provide poetic value, making it just redundant, or implying that the reader knows nothing of Wynncraft lore.

Three other things on "the fate of the Doguns was poised to be sealed by the Dwarves... legendary weapons that could ignite that which was already burnt to hell and back":
First of all, why would a Dwarven smith create a magical sword (assuming it is magic that "ignites" things; otherwise it should have been elaborated upon), given that Dwarves are against "demonic" magicks? Wouldn't it have been much more fitting for a Dogun smith to have forged the weapon?
Second, "to hell and back" sounds very informal, which poses a contrast to the more poetic, dramatic-sounding "fate blah blah poised blah blah sealed blah blah."
Third, Hell doesn't even exist in Wynncraft, making it a very much unnecessary reference to the real world.

Your version is also factually incorrect. Garaheth does not loom over the Dwarves. He's dead, or at least trapped in his realm. In the original by us, it says that his name looms over them, as in Garaheth is feared; but it's not true that Garaheth himself is still present and active in the Heights.

"Too many question marks"? There's a total of two question marks...

Your version is rather generic sounding. "Blah blah live by the blade blah blah extension of the body blah blah" - who knows how many times authors have strung these words together? And most of it does not even tie into the name of the item. It's just generic stuff you'd find anywhere; only the last clause has to do with the nullification aspect of "Nullification."

And, of course, grammar error: "The experiences... does not merely stagger the foe..."; the "does" should be "do."

Also, why does it mention the "experiences of countless wielders" if the lore is about "your body", as in the reader's; you're the one who's studying the blade, living by it, using it as an extension of your own body, learning. If it's about your personal struggle, why is the blade the coalescence of other wielder's experiences?

Another thing: what does "it" refer to? "To study the blade is to live by it... and to learn from its mistakes." From what I can decipher, your words refer to the blade, not the wielder of the blade. You're learning from the blade's mistakes? Not your own mistakes, but the mistakes of a piece of metal? Are you analyzing the blacksmith's work for flaws or what?

And again, I have to point out: "this blade"... "This blade," "this sword," "this bow," "this" this and "this" that... it's a bit too repetitive, too formulaic, don't you think?

I'll admit, indeed it is a good thing to have item lores tie in with in-game lore. I do have a few problems with your lore though:

Firstly, the Dwarves conquered the Molten Heights around 300 AP - 300 years after the shattering of the Ahms region.

I don't know what it's formally called but the passive wording detracts from the quality of the lore. Using "the hunt by the Dwarves" instead of "the Dwarves' hunt" destroys the flow of the sentence in a way I cannot articulate, but it still does feel awkward.

The "has" in "has forced splinter factions... to unite..." sounds weird; the presence of "has" implies that this condemnation is something that happened in the past but continues to have an effect on the present, which is odd given that "before the Shattering" implies a time disconnected from now. You wouldn't say something like "Julius Caesar has become dictator of Rome" when writing a description of Caesar's life or whatever; it's more natural to say "Julius Caesar became dictator of Rome."

"This senseless war" sounds overly emotional. "This" means that the war has already been mentioned in previous clauses, which it hasn't. Thus, it implies a closeness of the reader to the text, as the war would have had to do with the context of the player, and the player certainly is not over 1000 years old, i.e. old enough to be alive before the shattering of the Ahms region. The use of "senseless" is similar too. It sounds not so much informational or poetic as so much emotional or trying to drive in a point. If this was a speech delivered in the time period the lore describes, "this senseless war" would fit with the context, but this is no speech. And "fabricated" - this makes it sound like you, the writer, are arguing one side of some debate, not writing of some historical background. It's also information the player does not find out about until after completing the Dwarves and Doguns questline, but the lore makes it sound like common information when its not supposed to be.

The whole series of "threats" they "turned a blind eye" to is rather cliche. Leaders ignoring this and that - whether or not it may reflect real-world politics, it's an overused trope, especially in Wynncraft.

I also have to say, "horrible extinction" is just too comedic of a phrase. I don't know about you, but that phrase just sounds really silly. The use of the word "horrible" is also redundant - as if extinctions weren't horrible to begin with? It's like saying "the smart genius" or "the terrible atrocity."

Here's the original for reference: "Sheer strength exudes from these Orcish relics, simple sandals ill-fitting to humans or Villagers. Enchanted with power and rage rather than magic, the strength that is provided when they are worn is unparalleled."

Indeed, I suppose there wasn't much thought into this when writing these lores, but as it turns out, the fates have played in my favor. The original lore paints a picture of brutish Orcs ignorant to the finer arts of magic, who are full of rage. This contrasts to what is seen in the 2.0 quest All Roads to Peace. It seems the Wynn team has decided to try to make Orcs less of these mindless beasts and more of a simpler people victimized and demonized by the Villagers. They have metalworking, art, technology, and intellectual studies. They value strength, but they value reason more.

And then- CLAUSE WITH REGARD TO "this"/"these" PIECE(s) OF EQUIPMENT. CLAUSE WITH REGARD TO EQUIPMENT, CLAUSE WITH REGARD TO USER. A repetitive structure.

Also, I feel that Skien should get more love than he currently does. That's who the lore is about, if you weren't aware.

"Some fabricated" adds no value; in fact, it detracts from the lore, as mentioning some terrible prophecy while also saying that many prophecies aren't true just isn't the best way to create a lore with a powerful quality.

"A Dogun prophecy however..."
There is nothing to "however;" there is nothing previously mentioned that this statement contrasts with. Cut the fluff and the words that add no meaning.
And the "a" in "a Dogun prophecy" implies that this prophecy is one that does not have many important differences from other prophecies; it's just some regular old prophecy, not a specific one. Nothing special;
just "a" prophecy.

"Whispers of a heretical sect worship the coming of a new demon god." You say that connecting item lores to other things is good, but I'll say this: far worse than not connecting item lores to other lore in Wynncraft is making up new lore that you're just gonna throw away moments later. It detracts from other lore by creating this vast sea of random characters who add nothing to the overarching story of Wynncraft, who serve no purpose other than to exist in some random item's description. This "new demon god" detracts from the importance of "Garaheth" as a "demon god." That is, unless by "new demon god" you mean Garaheth - but in that case, I'd like to point out that Garaheth isn't a "new" demon god, in Wynncraft lore.

This doesn't give insight. Random information isn't insight.

Also, this implies other races also worshipped the gods of Storm and Thunder. Which? You'll have to make up an entire other civilization that no one knows about now, and that's a tragedy. Or, it will be some race on the other side of the world - still leading to a jumbled mess.

And personally, I would've expected the Olm to worship the stars or something, given their clear interest in astrology. The whole Storm and Thunder thing is just kind of out of the blue.

Another silly phrase! "In a great fire, the Caritats were reduced to cinders." Not the Caritat Mansion, but the Caritats themselves. It's just, silly. Imagine saying "In the house fire, Johnny was burnt to a crisp." It's just such an overly dramatic way of saying that they died, while not actually giving much insight into their deaths.

You don't have to write a one-sentence lore to make your point. And what, even, is your point? More is not necessarily better. Longer sentences are not necessarily more poetic or interesting.

Language has a rhythm. It has a flow, a pattern; of strong and weak, of stressed and unstressed; of long, flowing sentences and short, biting phrases.

Why did you use a dash in "... on both sides - greatly empowering..."? A medium length pause that the dash marks breaks up the flow of the sentence. It should just be a comma there. Then, after that, you have a string of 27 words unbroken by punctuation. If one were to narrate that lore, they'd end up out of breath. Commas exist.

Another thing I've noticed - you quite like to write lores about these "peacekeepers" (I don't think that's the most exact word you can use, unless you mean to say that it was an organization of military personnel), these centrists, one might call them. Those who take the middle ground. I suppose we all have our ideals, but isn't it rather cliche (in certain contexts some might even argue that it's wrong and ignorant) to iconize these people who claim that they are anti-war, supposedly peace-loving individuals of elevated morals that advocate for the mediation of conflicts between two parties? I don't think I'll bring up examples from real life.