What's The Weirdest Thing You Heard At School?

"CYKA BLYAT IDI NAHUI" - Me 2016

 

"I'm a [Republican/Conservitive]"
-Everyone Else

Gonna grab a fire extinguisher because I sense a flame war coming up.


(I don't mean to offend anyone, just poking fun at an opposing party. I still support you having an opinion, and I will support you not agreeing with everyone else just to be popular. Thanks for not burning me at the stake! Please don't turn this thread into a political debate!)

 

Well... I said this in school
"What if you stuck a knife at the end of a spear?".
I was half asleep sorry.

 

My friend went up to someone, pointed at his chest and said: 'You're a JEW!'
He then ran away.

An idiot girl in my class also decided to ask 'What's the capital of Paris?'
Aaaand yes, she is 14 years old. Disturbing ;-;

 

My History class with our odd teacher:
"Whats the score?"- friend
"GRAPES! I LIKE GRAPES!"- teacher
"Hey what time is it?"-my friend
"Lemon lime?"-teacher

List of quotes from my "special" friends
- "Why would they call it Rhode Island if it isn't an island?"
- "I wouldn't commit suicide even if you payed me"

My english class has seen some strange days:

- "Just want you to let you know that you are all going to die in this class period" (we were reading Macbeth) -my english teacher
- "Put on your thinking caps! Now lets murder someone! :D"
- "Id have everyone murder the shadow" (a shadow is a guest student who is thinking about going to the school and the best way for us to try and get him to join the school is by killing him)
- "What do stars symbolize, mentos boy?" (the kid sitting next to the teacher was eating mentos)
- (my personal favorite) "I CAME OUT OF THE WOMB 30 AND ANGRY"
-"If everyone was stabbing Sarah, would you join in?"
- "Can you go recycle that outside for Lama points?"
- "When you kill someone, what is that called? Oh yeah, MURDER! >:D"
- "Please don't purr! That really scares me D:"
- "Why would you need a marshmallow that big?! you can't make s'mores with them!"
- "Did Dolphin Jesus help you there?"
- "Pickel time!"
- "Let me cleanse your Chi"
- "I Was a waffle iron, yep thats what i said"
- "Hey guys! anybody drunk yet? Yes? Great! :D"
- "Hey ma, you're named after a whore!"
- "Er is too mainstream for me" (she uses the British way of spelling Centre, not Center
- "Methonomy? is that some kind of new street drugs you kids are doing?" (talking about metonymy the rhetorical device)
- "I don't care if you're 9, ill fight you"



In Chemistry....
- "If you haven't seen a Zucchini run, you are truly missing an exciting part of life" (talking about zucchinis probably)
- "Anything on the googling is true"
- " Don't you lie to me. You know where liars go..... Yeah, Wisconsin

I wrote down these beauties after they happened for future reference like this ^

 

Me: Who do you think is gonna win the superbowl, Panthers or Broncos?

Friend: Well, I'd have to pick the Panthers. The only thing the Broncos got big for them is Payton Manning's forehead.

*applauds*

 

WAIT....... The exact same thing happened at my school.......... ILLUMINARTY CONFIRMED!!!!
(or maybe just conincidence xD)

________________________________

here's a few random stories....
1) a few months ago some kid set something on fire in the cafeteria microwave (I heard it was either a cliff bar or a burrito) anyway the whole school was evacuated and to this day everyone blames him when the fire alarm goes off. (whats even funnier about this is that it took almost a month for the school staff to find out it was him when all the students in the entire school already knew exactly who did it)

2) (btw, this is the same kid) so one day in my science class everyones just chilling out, doing our assignment when this kid starts talking like " I'm going to try it" and his friend's like "dude, its not going to work" and then all of a sudden he just pulls a wet teabag out of his thermos of tea, spins it around by the string and throws it straight up, it hits the ceiling and just goes *THWACK* and sticks onto the freaking ceiling! an then the science teacher is just like AND I QUOTE: "ALL RIGHT ASSHOLE, GET OUT" and then we all start dying laughing and the brown stain is still there on the ceiling of the science classroom.

 

Dude. Yes.

 

When I was in computer class..... I was looking at fanfics of.... some stuff...... I hear someone behind me say..... "OMG LOOOK AT HER BOOBSSS!".................. Teacher comes up to see a banana with cheese as arms, spaghetti as hair, cookie as the head, feet made of bread, and carrot sticks for the legs..... and it has melons for her.......... b**bs........ The pervert gets suspended and later.... Someone read all of my fanfiction I wrote for some anime and crap..... and well........... Let's say people at my school now pay me to write lore and stories for their stuff..... yep.... made 200$ during the last 3 months.... lolz....... Still wished they hadn't saw my fanfics....... most of them are about shipping people... oh well

 

All those dots make you sound depressed

 

I'm sorta am kinda depressed currently XD (Also the dots are just a habit of mine)

 

le bumpzzz

 

I look really yellow in that picture
-My Asian friend

"Which thing is Batman from, DC or the other one?"
-Friend

 

So a little bit of backstory, I know these two people who are dating, let's call the girl DoorKnob, and the boy Shoebox.

So me and shoebox have robotics class together, and one day he says:
"My math teacher found out me and doorknob are dating, I think my sister told her"
Now just to clarify I didn't tell our math teacher (me and shoebox also have math together btw) but I like to pull on people's leg, so I gave him a creepy smile (me and him know each other so it wasn't like "OMG THIS RANDOM GUY IS STAIRING AT ME CREEPILY")
And he goes "Biø, (not real name) did you tell her?" And without giving any sort of answer, someone else said "he probably did!" So then I just kept smiling... And I thought that was the end of it. But I was wrong...

So the next week I'm at school, and I'm with ShoeBox, DoorKnob, and a couple other friends. And ShoeBox says "hey, guess who told Mrs. (insert math teachers name) that me and you were dating?" And DoorKnob said "who?!" And shoebox look at me...
Now DoorKnob... She isn't exactly your "damsel in distress" how do I know this you ask? In history class, when the teacher said "Vikings use to strap people down to tables and cut their victims back open with an axe" DoorKnob said "Oh yea!"

SO WHEN SHE LOOKED ME IN THE EYE AND SAID "have you ever tasted toilet water before?" I WASNT FKN SURPRISED! But I smirkily said "yes." and Shoebox is all like "your suppose to say "no" dang it" but then we all had to go to our next class because LUNCH WAS OVER, THANK LORD JESUS CHRIST I DIDNT HAVE TO TASTE TOLIET WATER again


But that wasn't the end of it, oh no...
The next day I'm going to tell Shoebox that robotics is starting, and who do I see with him, but littl' old DoorKnob! Yayayayay! So I walk over and tell ShoeBox "robotics is starting" and he's like "ok!" But while he is getting his back pack, DoorKnob says "hey Biø" so I go "what?" And she goes, NO FKN JOKE,

"I'm going to kill you"
Then DoorKnobs friend was like "DoorKnob!" Then while doorknob was looking at her friend I fucking bolted to robotics faster then you give up trying to beat sans...
Ok maybe not that fast...

THE END!

 

random post revive montage time

 

lets do this!

- and there we have it class we have successfully killed nemo ~ science teacher
- being nerdy pays off ~ science teacher
- b**** don't touch my phone or else ill go super saiyan on you! ~ some random kid in the halls
- I can do want ever I want I'm the president ~ student council president
- hey get off of your phone! ~ principal to me while I'm holding an apple (fruit)
- where do we get the water? ~ kid in my science class ( the classroom has 10 sinks in it)
- my parties are the bomb ~ teacher in the halls