The Magic Vending Machine

You get depressing spear

 

So you input nothing? Well, the vending machine spits out a bunch of tennis balls that smack you in the face.

 

That actually good. I thought it would aim lower

The lack of YOUR input creates a giant black hole that destroys everything within 10km.

I input a grenade

 

Lol, I didn’t even realize that I forgot as well. You get a smoke bomb.
I input a cat named Fred.

 

A cat named George fell from the sky and snuggled to you.

I put in a rubic's cube

 

You got your first friend

I put in a disk

 

Completely ignoring the previous spelling mistake of "Rubik's cube".

You get SCP-173. Don't blink.

I insert a sword that weighs 69420 kilograms.

 

You get a rock that weighs 42069 kilograms.
I insert a chestnut.

 

Congrats, you got a white somehow. I insert a white in the hope of a higher tier.

 

Oh, I was talking about the literal nut. But ok. You get a rainbow horse, and it has 100/100 jump and speed and it deals 5000 rainbow damage to mobs around it every second.
I insert a slice of watermelon.

 

A full watermelon falls out. When you touvh it, it crack and shows that it is empty inside

I put in my hand-made fantasy map

 

You get an origami dragon!

I insert a plastic straw.

 

Greta Thunberg emerges from the machine and convinces you that plastic straws are harmful to the environment and will kill aquatic life. You decide to stick to reusable, disposable straws.

I insert Netherite

 

You recieve a diamond in return.
I input a single U.S., crisp, clean dollar bill