The Funniest Plot Generator Ever

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Two Admirable Uncles Laughing to the Beat
A Short Story
by John Doe
Alice Cox had always hated wild Falmouth with its vigorous, valid volcanoes. It was a place where she felt jumpy.

She was a rude, smelly, cocoa drinker with wobbly fingers and moist arms. Her friends saw her as an abundant, adorable author. Once, she had even brought a kaleidoscopic old lady back from the brink of death. That's the sort of woman he was.

Alice walked over to the window and reflected on her grey surroundings. The wind blew like sitting goldfish.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Chloe Bogtrotter. Chloe was a brutal knight with tall fingers and charming arms.

Alice gulped. She was not prepared for Chloe.

As Alice stepped outside and Chloe came closer, she could see the curried glint in her eye.

"Look Alice," growled Chloe, with a hopeful glare that reminded Alice of brutal humming birds. "I hate you and I want a phone number. You owe me 7088 dollars."

Alice looked back, even more cross and still fingering the stripy rock. "Chloe, nope," she replied.

They looked at each other with unstable feelings, like two bitter, brave badgers walking at a very incredible holiday, which had drum and bass music playing in the background and two admirable uncles laughing to the beat.

Suddenly, Chloe lunged forward and tried to punch Alice in the face. Quickly, Alice grabbed the stripy rock and brought it down on Chloe's skull.

Chloe's tall fingers trembled and her charming arms wobbled. She looked angry, her wallet raw like a happy, helpless hawk.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Chloe Bogtrotter was dead.

Alice Cox went back inside and made herself a nice mug of cocoa.

THE END

________________________________

WHAT

 

Angsty Six-headed Cthulhu-vampiderpusgon With Seven Jewled Eyes On Each Sack
A Screenplay by Tubular Toasts


INT. AN ENGLISH PUB - AFTERNOON

Autistic music professors SGT. CHEN HONKSLEY is arguing with cunning saying outrageously hip and humorous things MRS. CILLARY HLINTON. CHEN tries to hug CILLARY but she shakes her off.



CHEN
Please Cillary, don't leave me.




CILLARY
I'm sorry Chen, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.




CHEN
I am such a person!


CILLARY frowns.



CILLARY
I'm sorry, Chen. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.


CILLARY leaves.

CHEN sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, fun-time-worthy watch collector DR. BEN TEN barges in looking flustered.



CHEN
Goodness, Ben! Is everything okay?




BEN
I'm afraid not.




CHEN
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...




BEN
It's ... a six-headed cthulhu-vampiderpusgon with seven jewled eyes on each sack ... I saw an evil six-headed cthulhu-vampiderpusgon with seven jewled eyes on each sack vandalise a bunch of sad mountain men!




CHEN
Defenseless sad mountain men?




BEN
Yes, defenseless sad mountain men!




CHEN
Bloomin' heck, Ben! We've got to do something.




BEN
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.




CHEN
You can start by telling me where this happened.




BEN
I was...


BEN fans himself and begins to wheeze.



CHEN
Focus Ben, focus! Where did it happen?




BEN
a supermarket! That's right - a supermarket!


CHEN springs up and begins to run.


EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

CHEN rushes along the street, followed by BEN. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.


EXT. A SUPERMARKET - SHORTLY AFTER

DANNY PHANTOM THE TEENAGE GHOST BOY an angsty six-headed cthulhu-vampiderpusgon with seven jewled eyes on each sack terrorises two sad mountain men.

CHEN, closely followed by BEN, rushes towards DANNY PHANTOM, but suddenly stops in her tracks.



BEN
What is is? What's the matter?




CHEN
That's not just any old six-headed cthulhu-vampiderpusgon with seven jewled eyes on each sack, that's Danny Phantom the teenage ghost boy!




BEN
Who's Danny Phantom the teenage ghost boy?




CHEN
Who's Danny Phantom the teenage ghost boy? Who's Danny Phantom the teenage ghost boy? Only the most angsty six-headed cthulhu-vampiderpusgon with seven jewled eyes on each sack in the universe!




BEN
Blinkin' knickers, Chen! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most angsty six-headed cthulhu-vampiderpusgon with seven jewled eyes on each sack in the universe!




CHEN
You can say that again.




BEN
Blinkin' knickers, Chen! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most angsty six-headed cthulhu-vampiderpusgon with seven jewled eyes on each sack in the universe!




CHEN
I'm going to need love hammers, lots of love hammers.


Danny Phantom turns and sees Chen and Ben. He grins an evil grin.



DANNY PHANTOM
Chen Honksley, we meet again.




BEN
You've met?




CHEN
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...



EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young CHEN is sitting in a park listening to some indie music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.

She looks up and sees DANNY PHANTOM. She takes off her headphones.



DANNY PHANTOM
Would you like some love syrup?


CHEN's eyes light up, but then he studies DANNY PHANTOM more closely, and looks uneasy.



CHEN
I don't know, you look kind of angsty.




DANNY PHANTOM
Me? No. I'm not angsty. I'm the least angsty six-headed cthulhu-vampiderpusgon with seven jewled eyes on each sack in the world.




CHEN
Wait, you're a six-headed cthulhu-vampiderpusgon with seven jewled eyes on each sack?


CHEN runs away, screaming.


EXT. A SUPERMARKET - PRESENT DAY



DANNY PHANTOM
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.




BEN
(To CHEN) You ran away?




CHEN
(To BEN) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?


CHEN turns to DANNY PHANTOM.



CHEN
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!


CHEN runs away.

She turns back and shouts.



CHEN
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with love hammers.




DANNY PHANTOM
I'm not scared of you.




CHEN
You should be.



INT. A PERFORMING ARTS CENTER - LATER THAT DAY

CHEN and BEN walk around searching for something.



CHEN
I feel sure I left my love hammers somewhere around here.




BEN
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly love hammers.




CHEN
You know nothing Ben Ten.




BEN
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.


Suddenly, DANNY PHANTOM appears, holding a pair of love hammers.



DANNY PHANTOM
Looking for something?




BEN
Crikey, Chen, he's got your love hammers.




CHEN
Tell me something I don't already know!




BEN
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.




CHEN
I know that already!




BEN
I am the monster's mother.




DANNY PHANTOM
(appalled) Dude!


While DANNY PHANTOM is looking at BEN with disgust, CHEN lunges forward and grabs her deadly love hammers. He wields them, triumphantly.



CHEN
Prepare to die, you angsty parsnip!




DANNY PHANTOM
No please! All I did was vandalise a bunch of sad mountain men!


CILLARY enters, unseen by any of the others.



CHEN
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those sad mountain men were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Chen Honksley defender of innocent sad mountain men.




DANNY PHANTOM
Don't hurt me! Please!




CHEN
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these love hammers on you right away!




DANNY PHANTOM
Because Chen, I am your father.


CHEN looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.



CHEN
No you're not!




DANNY PHANTOM
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.


DANNY PHANTOM tries to grab the love hammers but CHEN dodges out of the way.



CHEN
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?


Unexpectedly, DANNY PHANTOM slumps to the ground.



BEN
Did he just faint?




CHEN
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly love hammers.


CHEN crouches over DANNY PHANTOM's body.



BEN
Be careful, Chen. It could be a trick.




CHEN
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Danny Phantom the teenage ghost boy is dead!




CHEN
What?




CHEN
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.


BEN claps his hands.



BEN
So your love hammers did save the day, after all.


CILLARY steps forward.



CILLARY
Is it true? Did you kill the angsty six-headed cthulhu-vampiderpusgon with seven jewled eyes on each sack?




CHEN
Cillary how long have you been...?


CILLARY puts her arm around CHEN.



CILLARY
Long enough.




CHEN
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Danny Phantom the teenage ghost boy.




CILLARY
Then the sad mountain men are safe?




CHEN
It does seem that way!


A crowd of vulnerable sad mountain men enter, looking relived.



CILLARY
You are their hero.


The sad mountain men bow to CHEN.



CHEN
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Danny Phantom the teenage ghost boy will never vandalise sad mountain men ever again, is enough for me.




CILLARY
You are humble as well as brave!


One of the sad mountain men passes CHEN a surprisingly convincing Donald Trump's Tupay



CILLARY
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.




CHEN
I couldn't possibly.


Pause.



CHEN
Well, if you insist.


CHEN takes the Donald Trump's Tupay.



CHEN
Thank you.


The sad mountain men bow their heads once more, and leave.

CHEN turns to CILLARY.



CHEN
Does this mean you want me back?




CILLARY
Oh, Chen, of course I want you back!


CHEN smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.



CHEN
Well you can't have me.




CILLARY
WHAT?




CHEN
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a six-headed cthulhu-vampiderpusgon with seven jewled eyes on each sack to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.




CILLARY
But...




CHEN
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Ben.


BEN grins.



CILLARY
But...




BEN
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!




CILLARY
Chen?




CHEN
I'm sorry Cillary, but I think you should skidaddle.


CILLARY leaves.

BEN turns to CHEN.



BEN
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?




CHEN
Of course you are!


The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly BEN stops.



BEN
When I said I am the monster's mother, you know I was just trying to distract the six-headed cthulhu-vampiderpusgon with seven jewled eyes on each sack don't you?




THE END

 

Fuck you RL Stine my book is better

The Curse of the Good Dr Pepper
A Horror Story
by GetOutOfMyHouse


Whilst investigating the death of a local lonely, an absolutely unbearable broke called Stupid shit ok uncovers a legend about a supernaturally-cursed, good dr pepper circulating throughout detroit. As soon as anyone uses the dr pepper, he or she has exactly 399 days left to live.

The doomed few appear to be ordinary people during day to day life, but when photographed, they look drunk. A marked person feels like a drunk unicorn to touch.

Stupid shit gets hold of the dr pepper, refusing to believe the superstition. A collage of images flash into his mind: a drunk cthulhu balancing on a drunk lonely, an old newspaper headline about a damn ants accident, a hooded whale ranting about toe and a drinking well located in a drug market place.

When Stupid shit notices his toe have unicorn-like properties, he realises that the curse of the good dr pepper is true and calls in his i hate them, a fired called im not drunk, to help.

im not examines the dr pepper and willingly submits herself to the curse. She finds that the same visions flash before his eyes. She finds the drunk cthulhu balancing on a drunk lonely particularly chilling. She joins the queue for a supernatural death.

Stupid shit and im not pursue a quest to uncover the meaning of the visions, starting with a search for the hooded whale. Will they be able to stop the curse before their time is up?

 

bumpity bump

 

Xeravak , the Dragon
A Fantasy Novel
by John Cena
In a castle there lived an icy, violent dragon named Xeravak . Not a beautiful sexy, angry castle, filled with jewels and a muscular smell, nor yet a friendly, wild, dirty castle with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a dragon-castle, and that means warmth.

One day, after a troubling visit from the bear Valorie , Xeravak leaves his castle and sets out in search of three sweet weapons. A quest undertaken in the company of elves, dwarves and pretty Ewoks.

In the search for the bear-guarded weapons, Xeravak surprises even himself with his creativity and skill as a archmage.

During his travels, Xeravak rescues a wand, an heirloom belonging to Valorie. But when Valorie refuses to try fucking, their friendship is over.

However, Valorie is wounded at the Battle of Dawn of Ascension and the two reconcile just before Xeravak engages in some serious elbowing.

Xeravak accepts one of the three sweet weapons and returns home to his castle a very wealthy dragon.

________________________________

Xeravak
A Fantasy Novel
by Grian and Salted
"I'm going to need old spellbooks, big, old spellbooks."

During an Ascension in New York City in 1996, a baby is born and dies before he can take his first breath.

During an Ascension in New York City in 1996, the same baby is born and lives to tell the tale. That baby becomes 19-year-old Xeravak , a caring and funny Special Ops.

What if there were second chances? Third chances? Fourth chances? Would you eventually be able to save the world from evil beastlords who magic siphoning each other? Would you even want to?

Xeravak follows Xeravak and his loving girlfriend, Valorie , as their thrilling lives tumble through turbulent events in Vorkuta, again and again.

However, the end of the world approaches, and time is running out for Xeravak. He is left with two options: stop the evil beastlords in one hour, or allow the world to end in a ball of fire.

Grian and Salted explores orbs and old spellbooks to full effect in the fantasy novel to end all fantasy novels.

 

Brave Link
A Short Story
by S. D J. Accurate-Bow


Link had always hated damp Bob's Tomb with its striped, squiggled Shrines. It was a place where he felt happy.

He was a brave, cowardly, milk drinker with strong heads and weak arms. His friends saw him as a handsome, heavy hero. Once, he had even saved a valid horse that was stuck in a drain. That's the sort of man he was.

Link walked over to the window and reflected on his dark surroundings. The storm teased like murdering cows.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Bob . Bob was a fun warrior with skinny heads and fat arms.

Link gulped. He was not prepared for Bob.

As Link stepped outside and Bob came closer, he could see the stale smile on his face.

"I am here because I want revenge," Bob bellowed, in a dull tone. He slammed his fist against Link's chest, with the force of 3504 sheep. "I frigging hate you, Link ."

Link looked back, even more bored and still fingering the shiny wand. "Bob, no," he replied.

They looked at each other with sad feelings, like two concerned, combative chickens running at a very dumb funeral, which had jazz music playing in the background and two smart uncles screaming to the beat.

Link studied Bob's skinny heads and fat arms. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you revenge," he explained, in pitying tones.

Bob looked angry, his body raw like a beautiful, bulbous blade.

Link could actually hear Bob's body shatter into 1716 pieces. Then the fun warrior hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of milk would calm Link's nerves tonight.

THE END

Wow just wow.

 

Snotty Vampire
A Screenplay by Anonymous


EXT. A GREASY DINER - AFTERNOON

Loving actor LORD KEVIN THORNTON is arguing with daring navigator LORD FRED BOGTROTTER. KEVIN tries to hug FRED but he shakes him off.



KEVIN
Please Fred, don't leave me.




FRED
I'm sorry Kevin, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.




KEVIN
I am such a person!


FRED frowns.



FRED
I'm sorry, Kevin. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.


FRED leaves.

KEVIN sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, articulate nurse DI KEVIN DONALDSON barges in looking flustered.



KEVIN
Goodness, Kevin! Is everything okay?




KEVIN
I'm afraid not.




KEVIN
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...




KEVIN
It's ... a vampire ... I saw an evil vampire squish a bunch of swimmers!




KEVIN
Defenceless swimmers?




KEVIN
Yes, defenseless swimmers!




KEVIN
Bloomin' heck, Kevin! We've got to do something.




KEVIN
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.




KEVIN
You can start by telling me where this happened.




KEVIN
I was...


KEVIN fans himself and begins to wheeze.



KEVIN
Focus Kevin, focus! Where did it happen?




KEVIN
Trafalgar Square! That's right - Trafalgar Square!


KEVIN springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

KEVIN rushes along the street, followed by KEVIN. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

EXT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE - SHORTLY AFTER

JOSHUA ROCKATANSKY a snotty vampire terrorises two swimmers.

KEVIN, closely followed by KEVIN, rushes towards JOSHUA, but suddenly stops in his tracks.



KEVIN
What is is? What's the matter?




KEVIN
That's not just any old vampire, that's Joshua Rockatansky!




KEVIN
Who's Joshua Rockatansky?




KEVIN
Who's Joshua Rockatansky?Who's Joshua Rockatansky?Only the most snotty vampire in the universe!




KEVIN
Blinkin' knickers, Kevin! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most snotty vampire in the universe!




KEVIN
You can say that again.




KEVIN
Blinkin' knickers, Kevin! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most snotty vampire in the universe!




KEVIN
I'm going to need swords, lots of swords.


Joshua turns and sees Kevin and Kevin. He grins an evil grin.



JOSHUA
Kevin Thornton, we meet again.




KEVIN
You've met?




KEVIN
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...


EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young KEVIN is sitting in a park listening to some reggae music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees JOSHUA. He takes off his headphones.



JOSHUA
Would you like some peppermints?


KEVIN's eyes light up, but then he studies JOSHUA more closely, and looks uneasy.



KEVIN
I don't know, you look kind of snotty.




JOSHUA
Me? No. I'm not snotty. I'm the least snotty vampire in the world.




KEVIN
Wait, you're a vampire?


KEVIN runs away, screaming.

EXT. TRAFALGAR SQUARE - PRESENT DAY



JOSHUA
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.




KEVIN
(To KEVIN) You ran away?




KEVIN
(To KEVIN) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?


KEVIN turns to JOSHUA.



KEVIN
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!


KEVIN runs away.

He turns back and shouts.



KEVIN
I mean, Iamrunning away, but I'll be back -with swords.




JOSHUA
I'm not scared of you.




KEVIN
You should be.


EXT. CENTRAL PARK - LATER THAT DAY

KEVIN and KEVIN walk around searching for something.



KEVIN
I feel sure I left my swords somewhere around here.




KEVIN
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly swords.




KEVIN
You know nothing Kevin Donaldson.




KEVIN
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.


Suddenly, JOSHUA appears, holding a pair of swords.



JOSHUA
Looking for something?




KEVIN
Crikey, Kevin, he's got your swords.




KEVIN
Tell me something I don't already know!




KEVIN
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.




KEVIN
I know that already!




KEVIN
I bite my toenails.




JOSHUA
(appalled) Dude!


While JOSHUA is looking at KEVIN with disgust, KEVIN lunges forward and grabs his deadly swords. He wields them, triumphantly.



KEVIN
Prepare to die, you snotty potato!




JOSHUA
No please! All I did was squish a bunch of swimmers!


FRED enters, unseen by any of the others.



KEVIN
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Kevin Thornton defender of innocent swimmers.




JOSHUA
Don't hurt me! Please!




KEVIN
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these swords on you right away!




JOSHUA
Because Kevin, I am your father.


KEVIN looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.



KEVIN
No you're not!




JOSHUA
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.


JOSHUA tries to grab the swords but KEVIN dodges out of the way.



KEVIN
Who's the daddy now? Huh?Huh?


Unexpectedly, JOSHUA slumps to the ground.



KEVIN
Did he just faint?




KEVIN
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly swords.


KEVIN crouches over JOSHUA's body.



KEVIN
Be careful, Kevin. It could be a trick.




KEVIN
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Joshua Rockatansky is dead!




KEVIN
What?




KEVIN
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.


KEVIN claps his hands.



KEVIN
So your swords did save the day, after all.


FRED steps forward.



FRED
Is it true? Did you kill the snotty vampire?




KEVIN
Fred how long have you been...?


FRED puts his arm around KEVIN.



FRED
Long enough.




KEVIN
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Joshua Rockatansky.




FRED
Then the swimmers are safe?




KEVIN
It does seem that way!


A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.



FRED
You are their hero.


The swimmers bow to KEVIN.



KEVIN
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Joshua Rockatansky will never squish swimmers ever again, is enough for me.




FRED
You are humble as well as brave!


One of the swimmers passes KEVIN a magic necklace



FRED
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.




KEVIN
I couldn't possibly.


Pause.



KEVIN
Well, if you insist.


KEVIN takes the necklace.



KEVIN
Thank you.


The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.

KEVIN turns to FRED.



KEVIN
Does this mean you want me back?




FRED
Oh, Kevin, of course I want you back!


KEVIN smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.



KEVIN
Well you can't have me.




FRED
WHAT?




KEVIN
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a vampire to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.




FRED
But...




KEVIN
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Kevin.


KEVIN grins.



FRED
But...




KEVIN
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!




FRED
Kevin?




KEVIN
I'm sorry Fred, but I think youshouldskidaddle.


FRED leaves.

KEVIN turns to KEVIN.



KEVIN
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?




KEVIN
Of course you are!


The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly KEVIN stops.



KEVIN
When I said I bite my toenails, you know I was just trying to distract the vampire don't you?




THE END


or
(Saved plots are available to anybody with the link.)
Kevin and Kevin are 2 separate people the website random generator made their names the same

 

Galactic Industrial Rapier Wars
A Science Fiction Plot
by John Cena
A long, long time ago in an industrial, industrial galaxy...

After leaving the cosy planet Byss, a group of witches fly toward a distant speck. The speck gradually resolves into a creepy, space Tower of Acension.

Civil war strikes the galaxy, which is ruled by Brad Superhalk, a scrawny ghost capable of theft and even man slaughter.

Terrified, a sloppy elf known as Mark Russell flees the Empire, with his protector, Mavis Wu.

They head for Truro on the planet Pluto. When they finally arrive, a fight breaks out. Wu uses her industrial rapier to defend Mark.

Wu and Elf Mark decide it's time to leave Pluto and steal a space rocket to shoot their way out.

They encounter a tribe of robots. Wu is attacked and the elf is captured by the robots and taken back to Truro.

Wu must fight to save Elf Mark but when she accidentally unearths a carefree piano, the entire future of the industrial, cosy galaxy is at stake.

Praise for Galactic Industrial Rapier Wars
"I really, really, really hope that Wu saves Elf Mark because I love this story soooooo much!"
- The Daily Tale
"A scrawny ghost, a tribe of robots and a sloppy elf - haven't we seen this before somewhere?"
- Enid Kibbler

________________________________

.I just threw in some Wynncraft related words... umm, this one turned out weird...

Cold-blooded Corrupter Of Worlds
A Screenplay by John Cena
INT. DETLAS CITY - AFTERNOON

Virtuous Mage SIR DERPIO PORKINS is arguing with articulate Writer MISS FAIRYDUST COCKLE. DERPIO tries to hug FAIRYDUST but she shakes him off.



DERPIO
Please Fairydust, don't leave me.




FAIRYDUST
I'm sorry Derpio, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.




DERPIO
I am such a person!


FAIRYDUST frowns.



FAIRYDUST
I'm sorry, Derpio. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.


FAIRYDUST leaves.

DERPIO sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, popular Archer MADAM KIMBERLY SWEET barges in looking flustered.



DERPIO
Goodness, Kimberly! Is everything okay?




KIMBERLY
I'm afraid not.




DERPIO
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...




KIMBERLY
It's ... a Corrupter of Worlds ... I saw an evil Corrupter of Worlds squish a bunch of elderly ladies!




DERPIO
Defenseless elderly ladies?




KIMBERLY
Yes, defenseless elderly ladies!




DERPIO
Bloomin' heck, Kimberly! We've got to do something.




KIMBERLY
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.




DERPIO
You can start by telling me where this happened.




KIMBERLY
I was...


KIMBERLY fans herself and begins to wheeze.



DERPIO
Focus Kimberly, focus! Where did it happen?




KIMBERLY
The Tower of Ascension! That's right - The Tower of Ascension!


DERPIO springs up and begins to run.


EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

DERPIO rushes along the street, followed by KIMBERLY. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.


EXT. THE TOWER OF ASCENSION - SHORTLY AFTER

MIKE WILLIAMS a cold-blooded Corrupter of Worlds terrorises two elderly ladies.

DERPIO, closely followed by KIMBERLY, rushes towards MIKE, but suddenly stops in his tracks.



KIMBERLY
What is is? What's the matter?




DERPIO
That's not just any old Corrupter of Worlds, that's Mike Williams!




KIMBERLY
Who's Mike Williams?




DERPIO
Who's Mike Williams? Who's Mike Williams? Only the most cold-blooded Corrupter of Worlds in the universe!




KIMBERLY
Blinkin' knickers, Derpio! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most cold-blooded Corrupter of Worlds in the universe!




DERPIO
You can say that again.




KIMBERLY
Blinkin' knickers, Derpio! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most cold-blooded Corrupter of Worlds in the universe!




DERPIO
I'm going to need Wands, lots of Wands.


Mike turns and sees Derpio and Kimberly. He grins an evil grin.



MIKE
Derpio Porkins, we meet again.




KIMBERLY
You've met?




DERPIO
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...



EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young DERPIO is sitting in a park listening to some classical music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees MIKE. He takes off his headphones.



MIKE
Would you like some jelly babies?


DERPIO's eyes light up, but then he studies MIKE more closely, and looks uneasy.



DERPIO
I don't know, you look kind of cold-blooded.




MIKE
Me? No. I'm not cold-blooded. I'm the least cold-blooded Corrupter of Worlds in the world.




DERPIO
Wait, you're a Corrupter of Worlds?


DERPIO runs away, screaming.


EXT. THE TOWER OF ASCENSION - PRESENT DAY



MIKE
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.




KIMBERLY
(To DERPIO) You ran away?




DERPIO
(To KIMBERLY) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?


DERPIO turns to MIKE.



DERPIO
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!


DERPIO runs away.

He turns back and shouts.



DERPIO
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with Wands.




MIKE
I'm not scared of you.




DERPIO
You should be.



INT. NEMRACT'S BAR - LATER THAT DAY

DERPIO and KIMBERLY walk around searching for something.



DERPIO
I feel sure I left my Wands somewhere around here.




KIMBERLY
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly Wands.




DERPIO
You know nothing Kimberly Sweet.




KIMBERLY
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.


Suddenly, MIKE appears, holding a pair of Wands.



MIKE
Looking for something?




KIMBERLY
Crikey, Derpio, he's got your Wands.




DERPIO
Tell me something I don't already know!




KIMBERLY
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.




DERPIO
I know that already!




KIMBERLY
I bite my toenails.




MIKE
(appalled) Dude!


While MIKE is looking at KIMBERLY with disgust, DERPIO lunges forward and grabs his deadly Wands. He wields them, triumphantly.



DERPIO
Prepare to die, you cold-blooded Donald Trumpkin!




MIKE
No please! All I did was squish a bunch of elderly ladies!


FAIRYDUST enters, unseen by any of the others.



DERPIO
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those elderly ladies were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Derpio Porkins defender of innocent elderly ladies.




MIKE
Don't hurt me! Please!




DERPIO
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these Wands on you right away!




MIKE
Because Derpio, I am your father.


DERPIO looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.



DERPIO
No you're not!




MIKE
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.


MIKE tries to grab the Wands but DERPIO dodges out of the way.



DERPIO
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?


Unexpectedly, MIKE slumps to the ground.



KIMBERLY
Did he just faint?




DERPIO
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly Wands.


DERPIO crouches over MIKE's body.



KIMBERLY
Be careful, Derpio. It could be a trick.




DERPIO
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Mike Williams is dead!




DERPIO
What?




DERPIO
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.


KIMBERLY claps her hands.



KIMBERLY
So your Wands did save the day, after all.


FAIRYDUST steps forward.



FAIRYDUST
Is it true? Did you kill the cold-blooded Corrupter of Worlds?




DERPIO
Fairydust how long have you been...?


FAIRYDUST puts her arm around DERPIO.



FAIRYDUST
Long enough.




DERPIO
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Mike Williams.




FAIRYDUST
Then the elderly ladies are safe?




DERPIO
It does seem that way!


A crowd of vulnerable elderly ladies enter, looking relived.



FAIRYDUST
You are their hero.


The elderly ladies bow to DERPIO.



DERPIO
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Mike Williams will never squish elderly ladies ever again, is enough for me.




FAIRYDUST
You are humble as well as brave!


One of the elderly ladies passes DERPIO a Magical Amulet



FAIRYDUST
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.




DERPIO
I couldn't possibly.


Pause.



DERPIO
Well, if you insist.


DERPIO takes the Amulet.



DERPIO
Thank you.


The elderly ladies bow their heads once more, and leave.

DERPIO turns to FAIRYDUST.



DERPIO
Does this mean you want me back?




FAIRYDUST
Oh, Derpio, of course I want you back!


DERPIO smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.



DERPIO
Well you can't have me.




FAIRYDUST
WHAT?




DERPIO
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a Corrupter of Worlds to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.




FAIRYDUST
But...




DERPIO
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Kimberly.


KIMBERLY grins.



FAIRYDUST
But...




KIMBERLY
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!




FAIRYDUST
Derpio?




DERPIO
I'm sorry Fairydust, but I think you should skidaddle.


FAIRYDUST leaves.

KIMBERLY turns to DERPIO.



KIMBERLY
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?




DERPIO
Of course you are!


The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly KIMBERLY stops.



KIMBERLY
When I said I bite my toenails, you know I was just trying to distract the Corrupter of Worlds don't you?




THE END

 

Angry JillBob
A Short Story
by Hi
JillBob had always loved grand Hitown with its helpless, homely houses. It was a place where she felt angry.

She was an angry, violent, apple juice drinker with brunette face and tall arms. Her friends saw her as a magnificent, massive murderer. Once, she had even saved a kaleidoscopic chicken that was stuck in a drain. That's the sort of woman he was.

JillBob walked over to the window and reflected on her populated surroundings. The cloudy teased like rampaging cow.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Oogly . Oogly was a proud innocent with big face and hairy arms.

JillBob gulped. She was not prepared for Oogly.

As JillBob stepped outside and Oogly came closer, she could see the unrealistic glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want food," Oogly bellowed, in a crazy tone. He slammed his fist against JillBob's chest, with the force of 8155 horse. "I frigging love you, JillBob ."

JillBob looked back, even more smelly and still fingering the tasty chicken. "Oogly, you smell like face," she replied.

They looked at each other with hungry feelings, like two wandering, wild wolf escaping at a very confused funeral, which had jazz music playing in the background and two smelly uncles chasing to the beat.

Suddenly, Oogly lunged forward and tried to punch JillBob in the face. Quickly, JillBob grabbed the tasty chicken and brought it down on Oogly's skull.

Oogly's big face trembled and his hairy arms wobbled. He looked crazy, his body raw like a cold, careful can of beans.

Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Oogly was dead.

JillBob went back inside and made herself a nice drink of apple juice.

THE END

 

i pressed "suggest" everytime, and got this:
Controlling Steve Khan
A Short Story
by Matteo The Lenny
Steve Khan had always loved rural Berlin with its quick, quarrelsome quarries. It was a place where he felt sad.

He was a controlling, delightful, cocoa drinker with ugly feet and short toes. His friends saw him as an aggressive, angry animal. Once, he had even brought a skinny deaf person back from the brink of death. That's the sort of man he was.

Steve walked over to the window and reflected on his snooty surroundings. The moon shone like drinking foxes.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Cameron Chen. Cameron was a stable writer with sticky feet and grubby toes.

Steve gulped. He was not prepared for Cameron.

As Steve stepped outside and Cameron came closer, he could see the steamed glint in his eye.

Cameron gazed with the affection of 7775 grateful empty elephants. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want a pencil."

Steve looked back, even more puzzled and still fingering the silver guillotine. "Cameron, I shrunk the kids," he replied.

They looked at each other with stressed feelings, like two dull, damaged dogs smiling at a very hopeful Christening, which had orchestral music playing in the background and two admirable uncles boating to the beat.

Steve regarded Cameron's sticky feet and grubby toes. "I feel the same way!" revealed Steve with a delighted grin.

Cameron looked unstable, his emotions blushing like a raw, regurgitated record.

Then Cameron came inside for a nice mug of cocoa.

THE END

 

I get on with life as a noscoper,
I'm a skillful kinda person.
I like noscoping on Sundays,
I like smoking weed in the week.
I like to contemplate mountain dew.
But when I start to daydream,
My mind turns straight to doritos.

Oh oh oh!

Do I love doritos more than mountain dew?
Do I love doritos more than mountain dew?

I like to use words like 'magic,'
I like to use words like 'awesome.'
I like to use words about mountain dew.
But when I stop my talking,
My mind turns straight to doritos.

Oh oh oh!

Do I love doritos more than mountain dew?
Do I love doritos more than mountain dew?

I like to hang out with xX_S4lted_Xx,
I like to kick back with XxX_Gri4n69_XxX,
But when left alone,
My mind turns straight to doritos.

Oh oh oh!

Do I love doritos more than mountain dew?
Do I love doritos more than mountain dew?

I'm not too fond of scrubs,
I really hate noobs,
But I just think back to doritos,
And I'm happy once again.

Oh oh oh!

http://www.song-lyrics-generator.org.uk/rb2f0d/skillful-kinda-noscoper.html

 

SWEEEEEEG Grian
A Short Story
by Mr Cowhead
Grian had always hated Sheep Maro Peaks with its many, mouldy Mountains. It was a place where he felt angry.

He was a SWEEEEEEG, Sw3g, Lolcat drinker with Skinny Butt and Fat Head. His friends saw him as a fast, flat Fat. Once, he had even made a cup of tea for a silent Ascended Kitten-in-a-tree. That's the sort of man he was.

Grian walked over to the window and reflected on his Lv. 50 surroundings. The mama teased like Running Ascended Kitten.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Salted . Salted was a Sw3g Fat with Short Butt and Lanky Head.

Grian gulped. He was not prepared for Salted.

As Grian stepped outside and Salted came closer, he could see the knobby glint in his eye.

Salted gazed with the affection of 2723 Sw3g misty MOOOOOOO. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want Gavel."

Grian looked back, even more DEEZ NUTS and still fingering the Mooington sw3g. "Salted, IGHGHIFHEIFHIFHIE," he replied.

They looked at each other with sad feelings, like two misty, mouldy Mr. Cow JOHN CENA at a very Sw3g Wynn, which had Lolcat music playing in the background and two Sw3g uncles Jumping to the beat.

Grian regarded Salted's Short Butt and Lanky Head. "I feel the same way!" revealed Grian with a delighted grin.

Salted looked happy, his emotions blushing like a black, bulbous BMI.

Then Salted came inside for a nice drink of Lolcat.

THE END


Wait what
I said "Maro Peaks"
not
"Sheep Maro peaks"

________________________________

Only putting in "John Cena" and "Lenny"
JOHN CENA JOHN CENA JOHN CENA
A Short Story
by Lenny JOHN CENA
JOHN CENA JOHN CENA had always loved JOHN CENA JOHN CENA with its joyous, jealous JOHN CENA. It was a place where he felt JOHN CENA.

He was a JOHN CENA, JOHN CENA, Lenny drinker with Lenny Lenny and Lenny Lenny. His friends saw him as a leaking, light Lenny. Once, he had even rescued a homeless Lenny from a burning building. That's the sort of man he was.

JOHN CENA walked over to the window and reflected on his JOHN CENA surroundings. The Lenny teased like Lenny Lenny.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of JOHN CENA JOHN CENA. JOHN CENA was a JOHN CENA Lenny with Lenny Lenny and Lenny Lenny.

JOHN CENA gulped. He was not prepared for JOHN CENA.

As JOHN CENA stepped outside and JOHN CENA came closer, he could see the repulsive glint in his eye.

"Look JOHN CENA," growled JOHN CENA, with a JOHN CENA glare that reminded JOHN CENA of JOHN CENA Lenny. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want JOHN CENA. You owe me 5059 Lenny."

JOHN CENA looked back, even more JOHN CENA and still fingering the JOHN CENA Lenny. "JOHN CENA, jOHN CENA," he replied.

They looked at each other with JOHN CENA feelings, like two loud, long Lenny Lenny at a very JOHN CENA Lenny, which had Lenny music playing in the background and two JOHN CENA uncles Lenny to the beat.

JOHN CENA regarded JOHN CENA's Lenny Lenny and Lenny Lenny. "I don't have the funds ..." he lied.

JOHN CENA glared. "Do you want me to shove that JOHN CENA Lenny where the sun don't shine?"

JOHN CENA promptly remembered his JOHN CENA and JOHN CENA values. "Actually, I do have the funds," he admitted. He reached into his pockets. "Here's what I owe you."

JOHN CENA looked JOHN CENA, his wallet blushing like a leaking, lazy Lenny.

Then JOHN CENA came inside for a nice drink of Lenny.

THE END