Survive!

Since logic doesn't apply to this I turn into an atomic bomb

I landed on you creating a nuclear blast

 

But the nuclear blast is really tiny. Aside from a rash, nothing really happened.

I think you just exploded yourself

 

Since I exploded I lost 2 soul points and lost 600 rotten flesh

I transform you into a bush in a pizza oven

 

Fire tick is off. ;p

People consume you.

 

I still have 600 rotten flesh and I'm a rock not a bush

You get bad food poisoning

 

I receive an experimental medicine that removes all effects of this poisoning.

You, records of you, and memories of you are completely wiped from existence without affecting anything else. This death is entirely classified as a manipulation of reality. This ret-gone-ing overrides immunities to such manipulation of reality and disables and superhuman or subhuman abilities you may have.

 

I'm happy because I finally got to kms

In the future, I traveled back in time in order to clock you unconscious for hopefully several hours before you could write this post. Future me is available and not retgoned because he saved current me, who will become future me in a few minutes. Thus, using dubious logic, the actual action of you writing the post is undone and I am not retconned out of reality.

___​

You've just been assaulted via time travel and knocked unconscious, and the person you did it is about to stab you. If you manage to escape via decoys, they will know of it due to future you's existence and come back to finish the job. If you prove yourself impervious, past you will be assassinated, and, failing that, some member of your ancestry millions of years back, chosen completely randomly.

 

O no, I've been stabbed! But I'm a sack of potatoes. It really doesn't do much. O no, you stabbed my father, another potato. ... Uhhhhh... Perhaps you'd like to try burning instead?

Someone breaks your heart. ;-;

 

They made the mistake of assuming I still had one (insert maniacal laughter), and accomplish nothing.

The time traveler makes good on their promise, and eradicates the nearest common ancestor of all modern potatoes.

 

A group of potato lovers force you to commit suicide by killing your past self before you kill off the potatoes. Even if they fail, I am not a potato, so I survive.

You die.

 

The potato lovers killed another potato lover -2 soul points

You were sentenced death by blasters

 

Good thing Stormtroopers are incompetent.

You are trapped in an unbreakable contained that prevents any form of teleportation or reality warping. It is filled with a universal acid that dissolves everything but the container.

 

k. Luckily, it's an unbreakable contained, and not an unbreakabke container, so I can escape oretty easily.

You phone electrocutes you in the shower.

 

luckily im a cyborg, immune to electric shock.

a piano falls on you

 

It is a Tom and Jerry cartoon so I live it.

Someone uses "simple geometry" to fire multiple arrows to kill you.

 

I use complex geometry to prove that they, in fact, missed. Thus, I both died and didn't die at the same time until somebody looks, I'm in both alive and dead.

The Earth is demolished to make way for a hyperspace bypass.

 

I use a rocket to escape to the moon.

You are on a boat and a whale is hunting you to eat you.

 

I remind the whale that the boat is a canoe and the water it is trying to hunt me in is a shallow river. Realising her mistake, the whale thanks me for saving her life and heads down the river towards the ocean. Tragically, she dies on the way.

You are level 1 and have been teleported into Qira's boss room.

 

I can just leave the game... right? .-.

No, you can't leave the room. You're at 1SP too... rip.

 

I tell Qira that she looks ugly and she cries into an edge with her spiders and I can walk to the escape door.

Qira wants revenge and hunts you to all places in the world while you are lvl 1.