Survive!

i travel back in time even faster to shoot you before you shoot me

 

but you go back only to find me there and I shot you

 

BUT!! I dodge the bullet like in the Matrix then use my mind and bend you like a spoon!

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#real world is a matrix

 

but before you bend me I stab you

 

I turn into an ooze and destroy the blade, then I devour you.

 

but i have an outer layer of arsenic, poisoning you

 

I drink milk, then smash you with buckets.

 

I get a lightsaber to cut the buckets down as they come, and then I cut you in half.

 

But I uppercut you into pieces before you cut me into halves. Call me Sanik Norris, if you would.

 

but i use sanik speed to make you uppercut yourself instead

 

I snap my fingers to stop time, saving my jaw from a lightspeed fist.

You become terminally ill from someone's tea.

 

I have the power of Aqua and thus everything that comes in contact with me becomes purified. Thus I didn't become terminally ill.

I unsnap myself the exact moment you snapped to stop time, punching you to oblivion when you expected everything to stand still.

 

I use the power of lag to delay your snap by a few frames, letting me dodge the punch.

You are run over by a train moving at 80 mph.

 

but the train runs over you first

 

The train still hits you, killing you.

I use a toilet to whack you.

 

I dodge roll behind a crate, dodging the toilet.

I kick you into a massive meat grinder.

 

I pull you in with me and use you as a platform to jump out

 

I use a grappling gun to swing out of the grinder just in time, and then someone else pushes you in.

 

I lasso around you to pull myself out, then cut your grappling rope when I land on solid ground and you’re still hanging above the grinder.

 

Thankfully, gaps between the gears are wide enough for me as a snail to crawl through

The vertigo from your tricky maneuver causes you to keel into the grinder while dazed