Lore/Story So Uh I Wrote This

im an idiot and i put this in your services sue me

"Wake up Termak, it's already 10 in the morning"

The Detlas square was bustling with noise that reached all the way to their small apartment, but the city was never quiet. Termak had gotten used to it.

He pulls the blanket over his head. "Urgh...I don't need to. It's not like anything's gonna happen today anyway. Go back to sleep Detra"

"As the Trade Market workers in Detlas we need to represent our establishment! We can't go slacking off like this!" Detra walks over and pulls the covers off of his bed.

Termak has heard that sentence constantly for the past - how long has it been? - 5 years of his life. He considers this for a few seconds, then begrudgingly walks towards the closet.

"It's not like the shipments are suddenly gonna arrive today are they. They haven't for weeks now."

"Still, we need to check up on if anything has changed. I'll be waiting at the door after you're decent"

Termak changes out of his pajamas and meets Detra at the door. A twanging sound greets them when they walk out. They look behind them and see an arrow has been shot through the market sign.

"Where the hell are the market goods! We haven't been able to buy anything for weeks!"
Lots of people wearing armor stare Termak and Detra with annoyance.

A trickle of sweat runs down Detra's face. "We've told you, we don't know. We're not the ones that control the shipments."

A man carrying a dagger snorts and thrusts his weapon in their face. "That's rich. As the workers in Detlas you full well know that you're the ones who control the shipments."

Termak pushes Detra out of the way. "Alright alright, I'll be honest. We do control the shipments, but they've just disappeared recently without a trace. They usually just teleport through the systems we've designed, but they've started to malfunction and we're not quite sure why. Seeing as we have no weapons or armor, we're far from equipped to investigate it ourselves. This kind of thing has happened before, we can just wait it out and it'll go back to normal. Although it is taking a little longer than usual..."

An annoyed looking archer pushes through the crowd. "Do you realize how terrible we've had it for the last few weeks? We've had to buy stuff from each other in person! How the hell am I supposed to get Sky Snail Shells from somebody in Detlas? The next best option is buying from Rymek, and you know full well that that's saying something!"

Termak stretches, the sleep evidently still in his body. He yawns, saying "You know what, I've been getting sick of Detlas recently. How about this: You give us some weapons and armor, and we'll take you to see Gawrick. He's the one who designed them. Sound fair? He lives in Cinfras."
They nod. "We'll go get some proffies to make you armor and crap. Not like you're gonna find level 70 gear near Detlas without the trade market." A stare that could cut through stone follows this sentence.


Armor and weapons are thrust into their two pairs of outstretched hands.
The forges were always busy, even without the trade market. Enough people needed the market back to begrudgingly agree to help them out.

"You're lucky I still have some Kanderstone and Decay string. These might be subpar from some of our usual," The Tailor said, with some others behind her still making equipment. "But this is the best we can do without the trade market." The two instinctively look away.

Termak helps Detra awkwardly stuff the boots onto her feet.

"Everybody looks like they want to murder me." Detra complains.
"For Grook's sake, they wouldn't if you had fixed the trade market sooner." A Shaman complains.
"Alright alright, we'll get to it. Help me put on this helmet."

The group exit the ship and thank Calo. It had been a long journey with not much to do, compounded with the fact that they were traveling with 5 strangers. Even though the Letvus Airbase was supposedly the biggest one in both Gavel and Wynn, it was about as well organized as a rat's nest. The group had to constantly dodge people carrying crates and hastily scribbling things on notes, not to mention there were more things you could trip on than places to stand. An assortment of people were using the airbase, from drunks looking for the tavern to merchants wearing strange hats and clothes.

5 people wearing armor and carrying different weapons had insisted on following them. "Look, no matter where you're going, it's very clear you need protection as long as it's in Gavel". They had agreed, though it still felt awkward to have people watching over them.

They carefully navigate through the Airbase, admire the large, albeit broken, clock in the Guild Hall, and finally get to the residential area of Cinfras.

"Let's see...which house number was it? Oh right! This one." This sentence was followed by a series of knocks on the door.

"Termak! Detra! Haven't seen you in a while! How's Detlas treating you?" Gawrick sets out a platter of cookies and tea.

Gawrick's house was even messier than the Letvus Airbase. Notes and half finished projects lay strewn everywhere, and there were even writing on the walls in many places, as if the inventor had had a brilliant idea when he was running out of paper.

"Pretty great, but it gets boring after a while. Listen, we're here for the trade market system. It's started malfunctioning and hasn't stopped for weeks, and you can judge by the entourage we have following us everybody's pretty ticked off." Termak complains.

Gawrick looks slightly miffed that they weren't just checking up on him. He scratches his chin, deep in though. Termak starts sweating. What if he doesn't have an answer? How long will it be before this gets fixed?

"Hey, where's Gema? I could've sworn I saw her a few seconds ago." The guy holding a cross-shaped stick asks.

Gawrick ignores him. "I have an idea, but I'm gonna need to consult with some others. How about this. Termak goes to the Bantisu Air Temple, ask for a guy named Irlok. Detra, take a ship to Mage Island, ask for a guy named Rai. You won't need to make a return trip, they're both potent magic users.

The group exit Gawricks house and thank him for the help.
"Hey, here's Gema! Where were you?"
Gema was evidently the group's mage, as she came holding a large wooden stick. Her face reddens slightly. "Just...going to the bathroom."

As they leave get further and further from Gawrick's house, Termak and Detra could've sworn they saw Gawrick peeking through the window, making sure Gema was a safe distance away.

To be continued as soon as I figure out where this story is going, and yes I'm legitimately a bad writer as you can probably tell. Crit is appreciated.

 

i'm sorry for sounding mean but you are

your writing is incredibly dialogue-centric. this makes the story sound bland because you aren't narrating most of what the characters are actually doing, but listing their words instead. but oftentimes those words aren't important enough to take the focus of your narration, if they deserve to be shown at all.

given that, try to fit as many non-dialogue lines as you can. i'll quote some quick examples (how you execute this depends on your story, so you would have a better idea of what fits):

He sits up to glance at her for a moment, then groans and flops back into bed. "It's not like anything's gonna happen today anyway."

They've barely walked a few steps before a warrior in heavy armor storms up to them. In his fury, he plunges a dagger into the signboard next to their heads, demanding to know what has happened to the market goods. The rest of the crowd is similarly displeased.



hope this helps, see you in 5 months

 

yeah thanks a ton i wasn't being sarcastic im genuinely a terrible writer lol

 

Sometimes it's easier to write in past tense. You could include several more thoughts from the main character and add some fluff about how they navigated through Detlas to the airship. Nice job writing about a slightly more unique topic. Did you get the story idea from the trade markets being down in the game? This story has great potential.
Just a couple of my randomly organized comments.