Help My Bank Secrete Gooey Liquid And Make The Inside Sticky And Humid.

I'm just practicing writing story with fancy-medieval-like-style while begging for help.
Sorry if you feel uncomfortable, I'm an amateur in these kind of stuff. Most of my knowledge about this come from games and YouTube.
Perhaps you can give me some tips from hundreds and thousands of your experience (Your messages, you're my senior in this circumstances).

I consider it, though, I have to change the style a little which is quite difficult.

 

By that, do you mean writing in an overly posh manner? Generally, when writing, that's bad because...

Big words are commonly known to society as ghastly pejoratives and an offence of one's constitution, and of course, such a declaration is easily corroborated through the verisimilitude of this message. The pugnacious people who utilize big words are, in a very obfuscated and pusillanimous way, belittling those with whom they speak. Such pusillanimity can easily be labeled as the apex of disgrace, the acme of apathetic, and the nadir of respect. Those who utilize the aforementioned leixcon offend the austere sense society emanates. These people, these despicable individuals whose sentences are of a preponderance of large words, accentuate the falsehood that they are of greater importance. This appalling absence of colloquial vernacular is the sole cause of this worlds' paucity of simplicity. This deprivation of coherence can be reflected upon the proletariats (please excuse the possible generalisation of this phrase) through prolix, ennui-ridden impediments of reading. This may easily lay the majority of the public to prostrate, in the metaphorical sense of the definition. The paradigms and faulty pedagogy these vacuous people follow is an easy way to subject the innocent to undeserved obloquy- such a fatuous effort. These inane people foment this gross obfuscating through the mere eschewing of the basic, ideal vocabulary.

With this message, it is hoped that you may lionize this situation, a good hope for a place free of incredulous complication.

10 minutes of my life gone

 

I will translate most of your words later...

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I don't mean to write in posh manner. I just think that the words used for medieval theme script are cool, and since the characters name are usually kind of exotic, I use the word "fancy".

 

Opss, there seems to be a misplaced sentence in the story ("The problem"), fixed now.

 

I think we're all misunderstanding this thread, it has to be a huge sex joke

 

Is this enough proof for this being a sex joke?

 

the poll