Bullshit Your Way To Victory

luckily i bribed the judge with money money and get free and use a million bandaids to heal myself

i have drunken so much orange juice i gain an immunity to it

 

Some random idiot threw eggs at the vault...
Wonder who that was...

A giant, dramatic explosion, the vault vanishes, revealing a pile of blackened earth. (it was illusion)

There is now a book in the ground. it is impervious to everything.

The base of the snow globe seems to nudge itself on to the book.
How suspicious.

Me, the snowglobe base, grows eyes and thumbs. Using my thumbs, I open the book and shout a chant in an ancient language nobody knows the name of.
In an overly dramatic swirl of wind, a man who will later claim to be from southern Italy appears dressed up as a grandmother. He is holding a slipper. His name is Emerald. Start running.
Mysteriously, the snowglobe is now wearing a red hoodie. I think you all can see where this is going. I transform into my newest incarnation: Little Red Riding Hood.
Then a wolf appears. The wolf's name is Cinderella.
I manipulate a pocket of sand-air that's conveniently located nearby to knock over the wolf. Emerald throws a slipper at it and Cinderella perishes.

Then, in an act of over-dramatic true love, Prince Charming from Cinderella bends the laws of physics by entering the universe. He screams at Emerald for killing Cinderella, but Emerald starts whirling a slipper menacingly at him. Terrified of death (he is coward), he runs through the still-open portal and ceases to exist. There's only one thing I need the book for anymore.

I throw off my coat. I transform back into me, Elytry, before putting the coat on over my jacket. It has one property. It is basically an ender chest. I put The Enchanted Storybook in the ender chest. Can't trust you all with access to that. Who knows what might happen.

(yes my plans are always this strange please stop questioning me)

 

I grab emerald and buy 3 golden carrots from the master level farmer villager by spending her. She dissapears into minecrafts code and I go and make the golden carrots into an incredibly heavy sword because its made of gold. I then put it on the end of a big shaft anchored to the ground and push it so it swings down directly onto your head. While you are unconscious, i surreptitiously access the enderchest and put...something inside. You obviously dont know what and only I can access it anyway.

 

unfortunately for you, by this point i'd already found the fairytale i needed
unbeknownst to you, that was truly a simple illusion, conjured by my snowglobe base. Emerald is still out there, and so am I. While you think the item is in some kind of spatial anomaly, it is just on the ground. I discern the true nature of the something, and decide to leave that ticking time-bomb on its own.

A huge fire engulfs the world, leaving the city as the only place protected. Using my fairytale power to control fire, I both singe mard (non-permanent because this universe obeys cartoon laws) and convince the people I am a god. They now worship me. I rule the city.

 

Fharmonic Fconvergence happens according to the hit nickolodeon show the leg of kor uh and i become a firebender and make an exact copy of the city entirely made of fire and populated by salamanders, doguns, and other demons. I then combustion bend the real city into nothingness. now i rule the only city

 

Unfortunately, there is no nickolodeon show leg of kor uh within the pages of the tome of Enchanted Stories.
however, whether or not you used a misreading to bring that into being or not is never brought up in your post
let's assume that actually happens: unfortunately, my power to control fire also means that I was the fire you both made a city out of and burnt the city with. The Fire-Me that was sent at the city suddenly becomes a... wait what is that (you can't see because it chameleon)
The Fire-Me made of the city turns into sand-air, causing most of the denizens harm.

Then, I transform into a lion turtle (anything you can do I can betterrr), give myself energy bending, and forcefully remove all forms of bending.
I didn't use ATLA for my fire powers, so I still have them and the denizens of MY city (which still exists unlike yours) still treat me like the fabulous leader I am.

 

I take a large club and hit you over the head 9 times.

 

Woopsie, looks like you forgot I can incorporialize myself at will.
Try again ;)

 

try again? ok.
I take a large club and hit you over the head until you run out of incorporealisation energy (its a mobile game now) i then hit you again once you rematerialise

 

ouch.
i fall over and become 1.5d
don't see why you did it
still rude.

 

see when you were knocked out perhaps some things happen, but again nobody saw so only i know it

 

you didn't knock me out...
thanks to the fire, i'm still somewhat incorporeal anyway

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[MEMBER=Elytry, Post=OUTOFNARRATIVE]also, please stop saying: "only i know" kind of things. makes the game less fun imo
whenever i enact my crazy plans, i give some alluding and allow other people to respond to it. in this case it requires playing around unknown things[/MEMBER=Elytry, Post=OUTOFNARRATIVE]

 

[MEMBER=Tzelofachad, Post=OUTOFNARRATIVE]here's the thing. Only my *character* knows these things. Meaning, *I* dont know them. Me in real life has no idea what I did when you were unconscious. I literally don't know what happened or where it is going to go. It probably won't go anywhere to be honest. Think of it as a mind game, because I have as much information as you about what the thing was[/MEMBER=Tzelofachad, Post=OUTOFNARRATIVE]

I pull a super soaker 8000 out of my pocket and turn it on. It sprays a liquid that is yellow but for now you dont know what it is.

5 seconds later...

it has now hit you. You now know what it is. It was lemonade. It puts out your fire and extinguishes you for a few minutes. While you are out, I use my lemonade powers to remove your fire immunity powers, while maintaining your ability to engulf yourself in flames. You don't realise it, and when you come back, you light yourself on fire, which kills you immediately. Assuming you don't somehow prevent this, I bribe the officers of the city and rule as a shadow government.

 

[MEMBER=Elytry, Post=OUTOFNARRATIVE] attempting to discern the nature of your out of narrative is a mind game in of itself [/MEMBER=Elytry, Post=OUTOFNARRATIVE]
I transform myself into fire and fly into the atmosphere. Global warning has coincidentally increased by the same percent Mard causes lag to Wynncraft: 62. Also I have an Ignis on me so that fire ain't gonna kill me.

 

Using the combined brainpower (or lack thereof) of every global warming denier and cool down the atmosphere so much you freeze. Because you are not carrying cryoeism because I took all the copies of the TM, you are weak to freezing damage. While you are frozen, I bring you to my lair, and initiate a negotiation with you

"Hello elytry. Wanna, like, be friends? im sorry about all the head-bonking"

 

I would like to. My enemies in the True World do not apologize for their transgressions. We have a deal. I Kill etherweaver (idk if that guy's still here but guy is dead for what it is worth)

 

By solemn pact, etherweaver is dead. If etherweaver tries to skirt canonicity by abusing his powers of being much better at writing than either of us two chumps, he gets the punishment of...
hmm
he is an obelisk right?
so his punishment is he gets chiseled into a menhir and then used as a weapon by Obelix the beloved french childrens comic book deuteragonist of the Asterix & Obelix novels. This is forever.

He can also come back to life and all that stuff if he wants but he is objectively dead and there is no way around that.

 

If he tries anything I'll send him into a coma and bring in Prince Charming from Sleeping Beauty.