Bullshit Your Way To Victory

I kinda feel like permanently removing people goes against the spirit of the game.

So uhh if anyone wants to come back lmk and I'll find a way to resurrect you.

 

(Out of game: I voluntarily decanonized myself. Don't worry, I'll be back with an Egbert corpse.)

 

hey so
funny thing i realized
we aren't limited to playing this game as just ourselves
if we get permanently killed, we can always play as a different person
so with that in mind, hi! i am enderae's twin brother, endrae, with the exact same powers and personality as him!

 

Alright so it turns out that the pineapple wasn't actually a pineapple all along, it was a teleportation device! When Mardeknius gets too close to it, it teleports her to the other side of the universe, leaving me free to swoop in and become ruler of the city through a rigged election.

 

Unfortunately, a stray beam of incinerating light from the laser I fired at Tzelofachad a while back just happens to hit you and only you precisely, vaporizing you on the spot and reducing you to your other twin brother, Endae. It’s best if you stay out of this conflict before you just happen to
lose a couple more letters.

Alas, the pineapple is still there - and thus functions all the same. I use a magic-resistant robot minion to lob it right at you immediately afterwards, causing yourself to be swapped with Mardeknius and sent to the other side of the universe. As per my temporary truce with them, I let them hold the city until a few more fall.

 

Fortunately, I had prepared for this by only sending a clone to the planet. I remembered to install a tracking device in the pineapple, so the moment its triggered again, I fire a missile at it's location from the spaceship that I've totally had all along (How else do you thing I reached the city), killing Mardeknius and taking the place of my clone before anyone notices what happened. I then cover up the missile by blaming the explosion on a catastrophically large gas leak.

 

Hey again. It's station. Did I miss something? Did ICBMs become legalized?

 

Falling. Falling. Falling. Endless Falling. What gets decanonized falls forever, and ever?

I look down, and see: ground? Surprisingly, I don't die of impact and then I remember the Double Vision on my wrist. It looks like the Ahmsord Void region, it seems the CT decanonized it. Convenient.

I wander for days, searching for Egbert. And then I see floating pieces of rock above the endlessly falling void islands. It appears Egbert's power of making everything go wrong has finally reached gravity. Silly Egbert! By following the floating rocks, I discover Egbert Corporations' newest project: The Canonizer.

I press the self-destruct button on The Canonizer. Since Egbert made it, the self-destruct button links to the Cosmic Explosion function, however, since Egbert also created the Cosmic Explosion function, it acts more like a Cosmic Implosion function. Silly Egbert! The Cosmic Implosion threatens to suck everything canonized into the world of fan-fic & head-canon, however, since Egbert was responsible for the mis-hap, it only happens to suck the people who are standing right around the first decanonizer. Which happens to everyone else on this thread but me. Then I tap my Tether to the Surface, which I robbed a Panic Zealot for, signaling me from the future at the other end of the second decanonizer, to pull me out.

I go back in time to pull myself out of the decanonizer, and go back to the present.

Lastly, I slip into the city and create a puppet government that I control, no one can stop me!

 

Though you take the city easily, you are yet unaware of the three immense mistakes you just made. Your little escapade outside the narrative has truly cost you indeed.

Let’s rewind time back a few minutes, and discuss the first. By describing the void islands as if they exist in a limbo, you just gave every decanonized thing a physical form.

You just gave the corgi a physical form.

In the wake of your entrance, the corgi immediately takes shape, bursting to life with boundless divine power. Unfortunately for it, though, it can’t do much to influence the outside, as it is still decanonized and unable to leave its prison.

But mistake 2: you also happened to give it an exit.

The corgi isn’t a being that exists at a single fixed point of time. It’s omnipotent, capable of traversing temporality like a river. It goes back to the single point at where the canonizer existed, and then duplicates it, giving themselves a perfect replica of the device. While the canonizer is then destroyed moments afterwards, the corgi’s copy is perfectly intact.

There’s still an issue, however. The canonizer is made by Egbert, and therefore instead of canonizing the corgi, does so to the space directly in front of it instead. The corgi recognizes this immediately, and stops time before a hole in reality forms. Being omnipotent, it alters the timeline so that the act of activating the canonizer exists along with it in both past, present, and future, creating a space in reality that is constantly being canonized.
The hole is now a rift, and the corgi steps through it.

Of course, this has unforeseen consequences. As the corgi passes through, so does Etherweaver, who has been silently waiting for this very moment ever since he arrived.

But the corgi does not know - or rather, does not care. It has a far more pressing problem now upon entering reality.
The universe has been altered so that it will react incredibly violently to the corgi’s presence, collapsing in upon itself immediately as a direct result. The corgi cannot change this future - no, it is an inevitable fate.
But it can find other ways around it, and simply postpones it, delaying the destruction of being immeasurable extents of years back…to the actual heat death of the universe itself.

The corgi knows what it must do now. It has gone through a bit of a character arc through its many years of seeing power-hungry tyrants sacrifice the lives of the city’s people for their own gains. It is convinced that a different approach must be taken for the greater good - the complete erasure of such despotism, at all imaginable costs.

And your last mistake: you decanonized everyone that could hope to stop it.

The corgi comes, and the end with it.

 

Ah heck what's happened here. Please stop destroying the universe.

As there is no-one left to stop the corgi, all remaining threats to the city are erased. Nothing else happens for the rest of the universe's lifespan. As the universe approaches it's end, rather than let the whole cycle of death and violence continue, the corgi destroys the universe before it can be reset. The game ends, but there is no victor - no one remains to claim the city.

Except for one person.

Many posts ago, I created a pocket dimension protected from external events. Within it, I placed one final failsafe - a clone set to awaken when all else is lost. Once again in the game, I create a new universe from scratch. I could rebuild the city and, with nobody left to challenge me, become it's undisputed ruler for all time.

But I don't want the city. I never wanted the city.

Having taken DNA samples of everyone else in the thread over time, I use the DNA stored in the pocket dimension to also clone everyone else in the thread, including people who had been decanonised before the final event, bringing everyone back into the game. I also reconstruct the city, but hide it somewhere in the universe.

That's right,
We're doing this again.

Also both the decanoniser and the corgi don't exist in this universe and are no longer in play. Any plans to summon a corgi are immediately stopped before they can do so.

 

A poodle walks into the city.

Fear not, for the poodle is completely ordinary in almost every sense. It is lacking of sapience, completely defenseless in of itself, possessing of no unnatural strength or power.

It only has one unique attribute.
It cannot die.
For some incomprehensible reason, fate is on the poodle’s side. Perhaps it simply is a memory, the fading echo of a time long past, ages and ages ago. Perhaps some remnant of those days were bestowed upon it - but regardless, it is awoven into the pattern. Somehow, this insignificant dog is central to the very narrative - and the world will not part with it no matter what happens next.

And so the poodle walks into the city.

 

Not again...
I put explosives in the poodle's food

 

A freak storm abruptly breaks out and causes the poodle to take cover in an old warehouse a block away. A bolt of lightning happens to strike the explosives and it detonates, all unbeknownst to the completely safe dog.

 

Unfortunately for Sir_Doomed, when he was collecting DNA samples from me, there was a corgi hair on my body, and he collected both. Thinking the corgi hair was just the hair of some ginger girl, he took it into his pocket dimension, and his unknowing clone cloned the corgi as well. Except for one thing: the power in Joseph was unclonable, and this new corgi awakes in a foreign world, sapient but not omnipotent. Sir_Doomed's clone, thinking it was the original Joseph, drew a revolver and fired at the innocent corgi. However, Enderae, also newly come from cloning, dove at this clone of Joseph, knocking him out of the path of the bullet, and taking a shot to his leg. With all the memories and powers of the original Enderae, he teleports to the city by random chance - or was it fate? - and sees the poodle. Joseph's clone, with all of Joseph's memories, decides to befriend the poodle, and slowly but surely guides the poodle on the road to sapience. Meanwhile, Enderae, seeing that his job is done, plucks a single hair from Joseph's coat, and walks into the sunset.

 

NOOOO HDJDHJKSJH I LEFT FOR A WEEK THIS ISNT FAIR, STOP STOP STOP

this is false, as i am still here. I was decanonized and came back in to canonization. Therefore THIS

is false. I actually subconsciously while skiing in vermont decided to turn the corgi into computer chips and used its power to create a supercomputer that can solve all problems. Therefore unfortunately, and with apologies to all of your efforts, ALL OF THIS \/ \/ \/ is no longer applicable. :(

SOWWY, anyway i recanonize using the computer and do a giveaway for 10,000 minecoins

 

I kick the poodle into a hole of bedrock 555 blocks deep.
It doesn't die when it hits the ground, but then I cover the top up with bedrock, and it sure as hell can't get out from there.

I'm not quite sure whether or not I have the city, so:
a) if I do, then I just sit there
b) if I don't, then I, uh, ask ether to give it to me, because he probably has it. Thanks, ether!

 

bruh read my message, the poodle never existed, and i am de facto aid of the city, but you can have semigovernance if you want!

________________________________

ANNOUNCEMENT: AS I AM IN FACT THE EXPLODING ROCK FROM A WHILE BACK, ANY UNSANCTIONED UTTER REMOVAL OF MY NARRATIVE CHARACTER INSTANTLY REVERTS THE TIMELINE TO THE VERY MOMENT THE ROCK WAS PLANTED IN THE CITY, AND EVERYTHING DONE SINCE THEN IS REVERTED TO THEN

 

Tired of your shenanigans, I plant several indestructible automatons by the rock, each repeatedly punching it at supersonic speeds. As the meeting of an unstoppable force and an immovable object is bound to end in catastrophic results, the rock, the city, and even the automatons, are obliterated via self-implosion after a few thousand hits, and I found a new city nearby out of the rubble.

 

the rock doesnt exist, i was it and not now, i shapeshifted out of that form

 

While you gloat at your success, you fail to notice that you are still inside the city and a vaporizing explosion is right behind you. 3 seconds later, you immediately turn to dust.