Bullshit Your Way To Victory

lol

anyways i move to the new city and campaign for mayor, promising a brighter future for the city's citizens

with the current mayor having just zapped someone to death with lightning, i win the election in a landslide (+ we do a little gerrymandering), and now rule the city as its first mayor

 

Well after you gain power I detonate all of the invisible bombs in the city, blowing it to pieces. I then tell everyone that you were the one who blew up the city, and they kick you out, instituting me as the new mayor.
I also give everyone some of my (apparently very tasty) pancakes for free, so they're appeased and forgive me for zapping someone with lightning.

 

dw, I rebuild the city with my bare hands and gain favour once more

also I spread rumours that you kick puppies for fun so you get fired, and thus I take your place

 

Well now I have written evidence that you lied, and the people, when realizing that I don't actually kick puppies (for fun, at least), reinstitute me as ruler of the city, and I ban you from the city.

Wait this isn't bullshit I think we're doing this wrong

I then turn all of the citizens into lobsters so that they no longer have minds of their own.

That's better.
(the attached file is the evidence in case you delete the message)

 

I eat all the lobsters except one

then I snip off your neck with the lobster claws and yoink the city

________________________________

also light theme ew

 

You fool - it was previously established that we're immortal. My head eats the final lobster, and so you're out of subjects. Remember that one time the city went invisible and then was found? Well, I said there that I created a second city, and so I take over that one using the power of Toucanus, the god of toucans, who is on my side. This city is the new city (since the other one is out of people) (this is like the 6th time this has happened), so I'm the ruler.

 

I come back, confused but infused with power of Berbus

I destroy whole universe, make a new one and get the city
I also put you all in prison which you cant escape and no one can help you muahahahaha

 

Toucanus, using the voices of a trillion toucans, shouts very loudly to get the attention of the primordial beings. They don't like the fact that you destroyed their universe, so they rewind the cosmic cassette tape (which replaces itself whenever stolen, lost, or destroyed) to right before you did that, and throw you into the mouth of Rof'l, the god of laughter, from which you cannot escape. I then take control of the city, and Toucanus surrounds the city with a mile-high, mile-thick wall of toucan (note that this wall is not a bunch of toucans stacked on top of each other, rather a huge hunk of toucan flesh with feathers on the outside).

 

I decide the last post is cringe and ignore it. I then get pardoned by the president for no reason, get out of jail, and take the city with an army of unkillable and anti-bs potatoes

 

I eat potatoes and then you

 

I eat you

 

I eat my way out and you die because you bleed out

 

except it was previously established that we're immortal

no matter, i eat you again

and patch the hole with concrete

 

I make another tunnel in your flesh and with power of Berbus I remove your immortality, then I put you in a prison in which you are chained to the ground by 100000 unbreakable chains
There is also a very cute dog guarding you

 

The cute dog, being under my control, suddenly attacks them and eats them, however using my Lazarus Pit (have I already established that I have one of these? No matter. I now do) I revive them, and I, using my pancakes (of which I have an infinite supply), convince them to help me take over the city. We then share control of the city (pls don't turn on me).

 

You forgor to deal with me so I simply take the city back

 

Well you forgot to deal with the anti-anti bs guards... they come after you and dethrone you. I then turn the city into bees and put it in a beehive which I own, and no one else knows what happened to the city.

I also use my mind control on you so now you're under my control.

 

you forgot about the anti-anti-anti bs guards that I deployed because I can and take your beehive. It is then transformed back into a city but I dont want to own it so I give to @MlecznyHuxel99

 

Well since they're under my control they give up the city to me, and it is now mine.

 

I send you to the shadow realm and take the city