Bullshit Your Way To Victory

SCP-8244 accidentally touches you, which then destroys both you and it (since you came into contact with yourself from the past), and so I'm no longer under its control, and own the city.

 

tis a shame that, since scp-8244 disappears, the fate of the city would have drastically changed routes, creating a paradox

as such, the primordial beings above us all decide to rewind the cosmic cassette tape back to before we touch, giving me a slight nudge to the left to avoid touching

realising you orchestrated our close call, i push you into a tank of familar pirahna monsters that scp-8244 created (who also seals the tank with a inverted funnel that pumps in more pirahna monsters)

yoink

 

I, luckily, also happen to have created a clone in the past (https://forums.wynncraft.com/threads/bullshit-your-way-to-victory-3-d.293521/ (Scroll down to the bottom of the first page, I'm not sure how to link to specific comments)), which technically never got destroyed (it ended up helping me but it itself survived), and so this clone steals the cosmic cassette tape, and now has control over time (I'm going to start using first person for the clone). I then make time go forward so far that scp-8244, being a mortal being (unlike the rest of us players who are immortal), dies, and I then destroy the Lazarus Pit I had earlier. I then capture the city by flooding the streets with pancake batter while you're in it and then cooking it with my laser eyes which I now have so you're trapped in pancake.

Woo unneccesarily (why is spelling that word so hard) long messages!

 

I linked it by copying the code from report post section iirc

also the pirahna monster things will still be there but meh

the primordial beings realise you stole the cosmic cassette tape and, in order to get it back, slap your clone with a galactic salmon back in time to 1978. they yoink the cassette tape and get the heck out

meanwhile i straight up eat all the pancakes (I was hungry (the pancakes were good (you should be very proud of your pancakes (although they could be smaller)))), then puke it all out in a fashion similar to a fire hose, except 727 times larger and more powerful

the puked pancake is so powerful it rips through spacetime and kicks you into next week

until then the city is mine

 

By next week, we happen to have developed time machines (however my existing in this time, due to the butterfly effect, means that in next week now we won't have them (sorry guys)). Since I'm too lazy to link again, just check the thread and you'll see that I have mind control which works on unkillable things, and I take control of the primordial beings, who give me the cassette tape. I then go back in time using the cassette tape and get back my clone. I then bake you more pancakes (thanks for the feedback, they're smaller but there are a lot of them this time), distracting you for a while. I then take the city.

 

thanks for the time machine cassette tape and the pancakes

after I eat the pancakes, I steal the cassette tape and go pack to pick up scp-8244, then travel to the present, where we break the cassette tape, and redirect the burst of temporal energy to the two of you, scattering you to the furthest reaches of the known universe or smth

I take the city and sleep off all those pancakes

 

Due to the lack of punctuation in the sentence "thanks for the time machine, cassette tape, and pancakes", the primordial beings get mad and destroy the city, creating a new one, which I own, however it's in the "furthest reaches of the known universe", so you don't know where it is.

 

And then Antispiral from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann destroyed the known universe and for some reason created a new one, then there is the exact same city in it. Then I killed Antispiral because my hair is too cool and he exploded itself just by seeing it, so I took over his place and now I own the universe, which means I own the city.

 

realizing your universe is an NFT, I copy paste it and because yours is cringe mine becomes the main universe, and because I own the universe I own the city. Also the city is invisible and you cant find it

 

Since it's invisible, you can't find it either, so when I make a new city, it effectively becomes the real one.

 

luckily I have calculated the location of the city, and paint it over splatoon style

thus the new city loses its city status and the one I painted becomes the proper city, which I build a medium sized chain link fence around

 

You bought that paint from me, and I secretly sold you sentient paint that follows my every order, so the city attacks you and kicks you out and I become the ruler.

 

Sadly for you, I casted a spell on you making you a literal ruler (50cm, if you ask). So, when your attendants come into your king's room, they only find a ruler on the throne. At this point, since there is no one to rule the city, I take possess of the ruler of rulers and become the new ruler

 

The above person has been found to actually be EDP445 so is immediately stripped of immortality and is thrown in jail with a few cupcakes. I then take the city, and then give all my powers to people, so now there can’t be one ruler, making it impossible to take the city

 

tis a shame i kill all the people except one (via fully automatic sniper rifle), whom I convince to pass their ruler powers to me

I then build a small moat around the city

 

That one person happens to be me, and I throw you into the small moat.
I also take back my position as ruler of the city.

 

I swim out of the moat, throw you in, and seal it with concrete

 

Well you didn't say you took the city so I still have it
ehehehe nitpicking wording is fun

 

oki i take the city

also you didn’t take your rulership back anyways lol

 

It was previously established that all of the people were the rulers, and I was the only person left, making me a ruler.
Anyway I get a netherite pickaxe and mine my way through the concrete, and then leave and go start a new city. You now have no more subjects, and the city crumbles due to lack of people maintaining its upkeep.
I am the ruler of this new city.
Also as you can see from Potatomancer's last comment, LTMS is no longer immortal (no there was no shenanigans there on my part I don't know what you're talking about I didn't delete any messages), and I zap them with my staff of lightning and they die.
I also then fill the city with invisible bombs.