Anti-jokes!

No, you get in the BRAND NEW featured jokes section.

Jk

Terminal cancer.

 

So a man hadn't heard from his friend for several days, He was worried because it was the middle of winter and they lived in Siberia. When the man reached his friend's house he found him frozen in his cabin. The man's family ate well that night.

so a man prayed many weeks for potatoes so his family could eat. One day potatoes fell from the sky. When the man went to celebrate with his neighbors, he found all of them dead.
Cause of death: Potato to head.

 

These require some thought, so think about them.

Spoiler: HINT:

Think Double meanings and Celebrities

A seal walks into a club.

Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar.




also:

A bear woke up from his annual hibernation to find that his stomach is growling. "I sure am hungry." the sleepy bear said. So he found some berries, but spit them out. "These berries are far too bitter." the playful bear said. He then found some honey, however was soon bombarded with a swarm of bees. "That honey is good, but not that good." the jolly bear said. He then stumbled upon a cabin. "I wonder if there is any food in here..." the curteous bear wondered. The events that followed are now reffered to by the locals as the May 20th Massacre. While no witnesses survived, the police reports depict that the Martinez family, a young family of 7 enjoying their memorial day weekend in their New Hampshire cabin, was brutally slain by a blood-thirsty animal who tracked each of them throughout the house in a period of approximately 45 minutes.

 

My third grade teacher was Matinez ;_;
He was the rare good kind of teacher too.

 

Friends are a lot like trees, they fall down when hit multiple times with an axe.

 

Madman, walks into a bar in Nemract thinking he will get a bite out of a female villagers a-emerald (cough) tonight. As he walked in he thought, "Oh my, who are those fine twenty five year old female villagers there?" He thought to himself maybe. Just maybe. If Broettinger was so generous on this night in Wynn. He could pick them all up.

That's right.

Twenty of them, all twenty.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

....that's.... I don't think that's an antijoke....

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what do you call a black man with no arms or legs sitting on a porch? "sir" His life is hard enough without being subject to social rudeness
Opinions are like assholes...
...they're both nouns.

 

http://imgur.com/CTkBP5u

 

It's fine.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

....ok.....

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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better be there!!" The next morning he got up early and told his wife to come to the driveway. He quickly pulled out a .44 magnum and murdered her violently.

 

Why can't Justin Beiber draw a perfect circle?

Because no human can draw a perfect circle.

Why can't Sonic draw a perfect circle?

Because he is a fictional character.

 

If a naughty boy wants coal for christmas, what does santa give him?
Nothing, santa isn't real.

What do you call a joke with no punch line?
...
...
...

 

So recently, I broke up with my ex-girlfriend.

Wanna know how it happened?

It didn't, she was already my ex.

 

My Aunt said slow and steady wins the race.
She died in a fire.


Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Charcoal is black,
and now my neighbor is too.

 

That first one is hilarious.

 

Why did little suzie fall off the monkey bars?
Because she had no arms.

Look who's playing the clarinet in the next big play!
Not Suzie.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Not Suzie.

 

Dead baby joke:
What is funnier than a dead baby?


A dead baby in a clown costume.

 

Why didn't Johnny ride his bike to school today? He had his legs amputated. He'll never ride his bike again.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza?
The Jew screams while you bake it.

How do you get 100 babies into a box?
With a blender. How do you get them out?
With a bag of tortilla chips

How do you make a baby drink? with a blender.

 

Oh no it's Michael Jackson in disguise!

 

I think you mean Bill.

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What do you call a black guy who is selling drugs? A pharmacist.