Wynncraft:new World Order Part 1

They alredy have all the lore ready...
Level 101 is just a joke...
The... spelling...
The... poll...
The... concept... i mean... it’s so generic and there is nothing unique about it...
Isn’t it impossible to leave Furma without being mindwiped, and Oni is outside the gate?
Oni isn’t caught despite being out in the open?
This gives your player too much backstory, destroying roleplayability...

I usually give constructive criticism, but there is no other advice, execpt... you should never, EVER, post something like this trainwreck of an idea.

I usually don’t grade, but this has to be a Z-

 

Using the death oni for something instead of completely wasting it

 

I'm pretty sure he's talking about Ooni from the removed Prison Story quest.

 

Alright! Let's start this up!

Spacing is horrible, same for grammar, spelling, and everything else.

Interesting name, I honestly kinda like this.

This... isn't a level...

This is not possible as the level is both hard to obtain and is an Easter Egg level.

You really don't need a space for this. Also isn't Oni part of the tribe on Half-Moon Island?

Oh... where are the coords for this? Also why spacing?!

I think I was killing your tribe back at level 25. That or from prision... so yes... we do know you...

...What?

This makes little sense but okay. Apparently this random person expects to know us for however how long we've been gone....

I don't think we have been ever considered a Hero besides for smaller things. Nothing big really besides Wynnexcavation.

I'm pretty sure we haven't been the only Heros. We have Siegfried and Bob... And I don't think we have been recognized like them.

According to the lower think on X amount of years on the server... the max is 5 years... not really...

This is random to bring up. Okay.

For what exactly random stranger that we have apparently met?

This can also just be: "They were slaughtered on the spot." also I am going on a limb here and saying this random person was from Fruma. When this "Inside man" is completely Human... I'm really confused at this part...

You have provided no reason on why we should follow. In fact what in any of this involved us being interested to follow besides that man being a complete nut...

Where is that? Next to us? More details please...

...At least capitalize the city...

Thinking about this through speaking terms, they are saying: "Three" but in truth it is Thr33... At least put some more thought into the name rather than just a meme...

So walking starts then. If so, I'm guessing he says something if you get too far from him?

Why can't this random person who brought you to this random city, randomly knowing us?

...So royalty? Is this the king? I thought people were escaping Fruma to escape the King... or something...

...Why...does that sound like Shrek...?

All of this is just dumb... 5 years-1/2 days is not long.... This is just dumb... Sure it is interesting about the Years since character creation but that isn't really great for when someone has joined and have gotten to the level 101 in just a few days or something. What happens then? Would it auto-round up? Round down?

So they waited for you? Why didn't they use those other Heros they have?

Okay? But... this makes you guys pretty easy to spot mainly because when did you have time to make this? And wouldn't someone notice where all of their Gold would have gone?

This... why?

Oh another cutscene...

Why not use your weapons and armor? Unless these armor and weapons are stronger than the best Legends and Mythics, I doubt that would ever fly...

Why his note? Is Oni more known than Thr33? What is Oni's position on this?

So an OP Set armor and weapon? What if I just buy all the weapons and then just the armor with the next class? I can just... easily abuse this...

I would assume so considering that we just came back decked out with our new armor and weapons that are probably OP. Seriously though, what makes this set better than what are we probably wearing or something of the sort?

...This... is the end of Part 1? It shouldn't really be a quest...

Why not in this part?

I should, on making this abomination of writing...

Suggestion Idea: 0% F
General Suggestion: -∞ isn't enough... Z

Overview:
This suggestion has many things wrong. It conflicts with lore, it has barely any thought to put in it, it has barely ANY form of education in English. In all honesty, the quest needs a whole revamp as it conflicts with almost everything in Wynn. It needs a different approach... Also where are the rewards?

BONUS:

Spoiler

Capitalization is needed on Quest, but in general based on the quest it should be an Easy Quest. Or now, Short Quest.

Why is it this level? You cannot truly do anything at that level...

Make npc into NPC.

Capitalize gate into Gate. Also you don't need a space here.... at all...

[1/14] Oni: You probably don't remember me.

[2/14] Oni: We knew each other before you left.

[3/14] Oni: Look what has happened to you...

[4/14] Oni: You think you're a hero...

[5/14] Oni: It has been so long...

[6/14] Oni: But we've fought back without you...

[7/14] Oni: We have a few inside men, but one of them was found recently...

[8/14] Oni: It wasn't a pretty sight...

[9/14] Oni: Follow me, I will show you back to the base.

A secret door inside the mountain opens up to reveal a dark, hidden passageway.

[10/14] Oni: It's this way.

Go down the passage.

You come out the other side into a secret underground city.

[11/14] Oni: Welcome to New World City.

[12/14] Oni: Thr33 will want to talk to you.

He leads you through the empty streets to a castle-like building.

[13/14] Oni: Just walk up and talk to Thr33. He'll explain what all of this is.

[14/14] Oni: I'll wait outside...

You walk into a Throne Room of solid gold.

On a silver throne is a mechanical creature sitting upon it.

It's humanoid with green skin and a vaguely human face with black highlights.

[1/7] Thr33: Hello [Username of Player].

[2/7] Thr33: It has been a long time...

[3/7] Thr33: For [Number of years since character created] whole years I have waited...

[4/7] Thr33: Now the time has come, we will rebel!

[5/7] Thr33: The damned Fruman royal family who have denied us of our magic will soon fall!

[6/7] Thr33: Now out of it's ashes a new world order!

Members of The Order run around, preparing for war.

[7/7] Oni: Here, take this and buy some weapons and armor.

You receive 5 Oni's Note.

They can be traded at the War Merchant in the town for:
Fruman Rebel Boots
Fruman Rebel Leggings
Fruman Rebel Chest
Fruman Rebel Mask
Fruman Rebel Bow
Fruman Rebel Dagger
Fruman Rebel Wand
Fruman Rebel Spear

Talk to Oni.

[1/2] Oni: Are you ready?

[2/2] Oni: Good... let's get this revolution started.

If you can't tell... I had so much time to actually do this...

Have a Good Day!
-OGK

 

ok yep that's an F--

 

For fucks sake, you can't just make up a quest for something as important to the server as main storyline and Fruma just because you think you are the "master of wynncraft lore", and do it so terribly! What even is this quest? A wall of text with no story or conflict, talking to a bunch of NPCs and a bit of item fetching. You think that deserves to get it's own unique difficulty tag and be set for a level that was an easter egg? "Epic Quest" doesn't even discribe the difficulty of the said quest. The actual difficulty tag is automatic, and this quest will probably just get an "Easy" tag. It doesn't even need to be divided by parts, as this quest is way too short and way too easy to finish.
Oh and the NPC Ooni doesn't even exist anymore, as his quest was removed! He's not cannon anymore, and so is the Resistance probably, so makes absolutely no sense for this guy to know the player.

 

I'll be the 2nd person to grade this quest now.
Note that anything in light blue text is grammar related.
LET'S A GO!

Wynncraft: New World Order
Epic quest
Epic quest? What do you mean Epic quest? Is it good? It's probably not good.

Level:101
Level 101 was supposed to be an easter egg, so they'd probably not designate a quest to an Easter Egg.

Starting npc:

Oni
Why is his name Oni? Oni are mythical japanese demons, so naming someone that is just... off.

Starting location

Fruma gate
So is this supposed to be the "Pirate's Trove" or the "Envoy I" of Fruma? I'd think they'd make the quest a bit better than this.

Oni: you probably don’t remember me.
Going with the memory trope isn't a good idea to base a character off of.

Oni: we each other before you left.
*We each other should be "we met each other"
So if we lost our memory, why hasn't Oni?

Oni: look* what has happened to you.
*at
What has happened to us though? Is it that we are wearing an immense amount of armor?

Oni:you think your* a hero.
*you're
Yes I am, considering I have stopped corrupt organizations, killed the Corrupter of Worlds, released trapped souls, and saved Thanos from a giant dragon.

Oni: your* not the only one.
*You're
I already know. There's already bob and Siegfried.

Oni: its been so long.
*it's
Would he still say this if I got to lvl 101 in 1 week?

Oni: but we fought back without you.
So then what happened to me? I don't know what my role was apparently.

Oni: we have a few inside men but one of them was found recently.
What do you mean "inside men"? They were in Fruma? They are insiders? They are in Oni's body? I know it's not the third one, but anything could be right without clarification.

Oni: it was not a pretty sight.
Caught in Fruma? or in the base?

Oni: follow me, I will show you back to the base.
If the guards are right there overhearing this, then there goes your secret plan, which puts up the question: Why was Oni standing right there?

A secret door in the mountains opens up to revile a dark passageway.
If the Frumans are this keen on protecting Fruma, then they probably should have discovered that door by now if it is used regularly.

Oni: it’s this way.
Thanks for telling us the 2nd time in a few minutes.

Go down the passage

You come out the other side into a secret underground city
*Slowly facepalms*
How the heck can they hide an entire city underground? They can't grow stuff there, because it's impossible, and if they tried to import stuff, they would have been caught by now. Also, cities are huge, so a cavern that big would be seeable. Also, if it's a rebellion, then how did they excavate the city without the Fruma Guards noticing?

Oni: welcome to new world city.
Such an original name for a city. Every other name is an anagram, but this is just New World City.

Oni: thr33 will want to talk to you.
...
That's a stupid name.

He leads you through the empty streets to a castle like building.
Yet again, how did they build an entire castle underground? Why did they build a city for the rebels if its always empty?

Oni: just walk on up and talk to thr33. He will explain what all this is.
I don't think even a mechanical man could close the massive plot holes this quest has.

Oni: I will just what* outside.
*wait

You walk into a throne room of solid gold
So instead of spending money on actual things, like equipment, food, and defense, they spend it on gold. Why...

On a silver throne sits a mechanical creature.
Yet again, they have the money to spend on silver, but not defense.

It is humanoid with green skin and a vaguely human face with black highlights.
Disgusting.

Thr33: hello [playername]
I don't think this could be programmed right now.

Thr33: it’s been a long time.
Aw, shucks! I knew that 1 week of grinding was a long time!

Thr33: for [number of in game years since charecter creation] whole years i have waited.
Same thing with this, but on a grander scale.

Thr33: now the time has come. We will rebel!
And I thought that I wasn't the only hero, yet they needed only me to proceed.

Thr33: the damn froman royalty that has denied us our magic will soon fall.
That's... kinda hard. How did they deny the magic in the first place, though, if you are mechaincal. That stuff requires electromagic.

Thr33:and out of its ashes a new world order!
This sounds way too much like a bad guy. I bet in the future he will be a bad guy.

Members of the order run around preparing for war.
If the streets were empty, where did they come from?

Oni:here take this and buy some good weapons and amor.

You receive 5 oni’s note
Trust me, my mythics will serve me better than your dumb chest plate.

It can be traded and the war merchant in the town for:

Fruman rebel leggings

Fruman rebel boots

Fruman rebel chest

Fruman rebel mask

Fruman rebel bow

Fruman rebel dagger

Fruman rebel wand

Fruman rebel spear
Such an original name.

Talk to oni

Oni: all ready?

Oni: good lets get this revaluation started.
And yet, you could end part 1 and wait a year before starting part 2.
End part one
That's it? That is one of the shortest quests ever. No puzzles, traveling, parkour, boss fights, just 2 lines of dialogue. It would have been better to just combine this with part 2.


(Note: all of the lore behind this and the item stats will be found in later part)
That's never a good idea if you want to get us hyped.

P.S. plz no sue
Too late, I already have.


CONCLUSION

Just like the dark times, this quest is very bad:
PROS
None

CONS

• Horrible grammar
• Bad formatting
• Insanely short quest
• Lore inconsistencies
• Boring bland quest
• Still doesn't make sense.

GRADE: 15% | F
(At least you tried)

 

You were reveling with them before you left for Wynn and thr33 is a robot

________________________________

The secret to understanding every thing and knowing how good the items are:
1 I firmly believe that rebeling because the royalty has fake magic is dumb
2 the made the city in 666 seconds
3 they got all there stuff from one source:
The Illuminati
If u do this quest u are working for the eye
Illuminati confirmed

________________________________

And y’all have convinced my to not make a part 2

 

1: That's... not how the lore seems to go as... that conflicts with everything. Why would we do half the stuff as a SOLIDER sent FROM FRUMA to help out... if we were in the rebellion.
2: ...I got no words for that...
3: I'm actually interested in part 2... only to see the Lore/Weapons.

 

@PianoPlaiur
Siegfried is a fake.

 

However prison story was removed

 

Indeed.

 

When will they finally add the dislike button for forums?

 

They won't because...
GO TEAM KINDNESS!
WOOOOO!
HECK YES!
TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAMWORK!

 

Rating: 1/10
+ It at least has some semblance of a progression
+ It has things [Not Characters or NPCS]
- It's plot / lore makes no sense
- The Things have no characterestics are generic and boring
- Details make no sense, 1 day is a long time, alien green robot?
- HUGE plot derailments!!!!
- Specific details / Locations unclear? More plot derailments
- Requires players to start quest with 6 empty inv space, big hassle
- thing name's make no sense
-Corkus rebellion again
- More shit
-Shit

 

Please don't use the work "heck", it hurts my feelings.

 

Not to mention the fact is is a Christian server!