World [quest] Lightchapel

NOTE: this is only to get info about what's wrong with my quests, so constructive criticism please!

Quest name: Lightchapel
Quest Length: Short
Quest Difficulty: Medium
Quest Level: 59

This quest takes place in a small town called Lightchapel, Its surrounded by forest and has 9 occupants.
3 Children, 6 adults. there's a small park!

[Talk to Diane at Lightchapel]
[1/7] Diane: Hello?!
[2/7] Diane: Oh, its another soldier! thank goodness!
[3/7] Diane: This town needs your help!
[4/7] Diane: So far six people have gone missing!
[5/7] Diane: Everyone is on edge!
[6/7] Diane: Please get to the Bottom of this!
[7/7] Diane: Good luck!

[Ask Susanne about the disappearances]

If you talk to Susanne
[1/5] Susanne: Hello?
[2/5] Susanne: I baked some nice pie if...
[3/5] Susanne: Oh, you need info about the recent events?
[4/5] Susanne: Well... I overheard Soka talking about bodies
[5/5] Susanne: Maybe talk to him?

[Talk to Soka about the missing people]

[1/6] Soka: Hey?
[2/6] Soka: What are you doing in my house?
[3/6] Soka: Oh? Susanne sent you?!
[4/6] Soka: That Witch!
[5/6] Soka: Anyway, the killer calls himself "Jak the reaper"!
[6/6] Soka: I don't know any more, go ask Iaaska,

[Talk to Iaaska]

[1/6] Iaaska: I assume your after Jak?
[2/6] Iaaska: Some say he's the devil...
[3/6] Iaaska: Others say he's possesed...
[4/6] Iaaska: I just think he's stupid!
[5/6] Iaaska: Go talk to Mr. and Mrs. Davison
[6/6] Iaaska: Good luck!

[Talk to the Davison Family]

[1/8] Mr. Davison: ech...
[2/8] Mr. Davison: Hey there...
[3/8] Mr. Davison: Oh, your the detective?
[4/8] Mr. Davison: No? oh ok...
[5/8] Mrs. Davison: Honey? can you go and collect Davie from the park?
[6/8] Mr. Davison: Ok sweety! Uuuuuurg... stupid kid.
[7/8] Mr. Davison: can you go get my kid from the park?
[8/8] Mr. Davison: Ill pay you some money!

[Go and get Davie from the park]

[1/5] Tobieh: Oh god...
[2/5] Tobieh: Davie!?
[3/5] Tobieh: WHERE ARE YOU!!!
[4/5] Tobieh: He took Davie into the well! Please save him!
[5/5] Tobieh: Into the well!

[Jump into the well]

[1/8] Jak: Hahaha!
[2/8] Jak: Are you looking for meeee?
[3/8] Jak: Well you got me!
[4/8] Jak: Do you want to know why I kill?
[5/8] Jak: Because its full! Hahaha!
[6/8] Jak: Now Prepare to die mortal
[7/8] Jak: Jak the reaper is about to strike you down!
[8/8] Jak: HAHAHAHA!

Kill Jak the reaper!
HP: 20000
Speed: Fast
Damage: 300
Spell: Go Invis and run at Insane speed
Drops: Davie's dead body

[Bring Davie's body back to his parents]
[1/5] Mr Davison: OH GOD WHY!!!
[2/5] Mr Davison: WHYYYYYY!!!!
[3/5] Mr Davison: AAAAAAAA!
[4/5] Mr Davison: GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PHYCO!
[5/5] Mr Davison: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Beststat/WorstStat]
Rewards: 110000XP, 46 Eb,
Jaks black tunic: Walkspeed [6%/2%], mele damage [12%/3%], spell damage [-4%,-8%], HP +750

 

Ok:

A; This is obviously based off the killings of Jack The Ripper, which occurred in Whitechapel, a part of London
B: When creating items, make sure you give the average stats, not best/worst
C: If I were you, I would put "He took Davie into the well! Please save him!"
D: I think the boss is a little too hard
E: I think the quest is like Zhight Island "run here, speak to him, run there,, speak to her" etc
F: Please add a reward, like emeralds and XP
G: other than that, creative, nice quest!

 

tbh, I think you should just give up on quests. they're unoriginal in my opinion.

 

This is good constructive criticism, thanks! In my next quest I will keep these in mind and edit this quest!

And then there is this, this is not constructive, nor is it helpful to me in anyway. therefore; why the hell would you post this? just asking...

 

It's not supposed to be helpful, nor constructive, therfore ; please stfu and go away.

 

I don't feel like this quest is very original in the slightest. Apart from the story which is a direct reference to the story of Jack the Ripper, when you boil it down, it's practically a fetch quest for info...

Go to NPC A -> NPC A tells you to go to NPC B
Go to NPC B -> NPC B tells you to go to NPC C
Go to NPC C -> etcetera...

If you really want to keep this quest as it is, my suggestion would be to implement cutscenes like in Memory Paranoia, as I feel you want to make this quest more relying on the story rather than puzzles and inovative gameplay ideas :P

Now concerning some faults with this quests, here are a sample of some basic mistakes that I proofread for you :

Spoiler: Grammar Errors

*Thank goodness!

*So far, six people have gone missing!

*Please get to the bottom of this...

*That witch!

*I don't know anything else, go ask Iaaska.

*I assume you're after Jak?

*Go talk to Mr. and Mrs. Davison.

*Oh, you're the detective?

And those dialogues below, in my opinion, sounded a bit fake, to say the least :

Spoiler: Unreasonnable Responses

No anticipation leading up to it, not a moment of hesitation, that person just casually tells you she overheard a neighbour talking about dead corpses ? We don't even hear their point of view on it, it's just thrown at you after you met her 5 seconds ago.

This one kind of felt like a (sorry if I offend you) roleplay dialogue you hear when kids play "mommy and daddy" :P
So first off, what kind of father would let a complete stranger "collect" (which should be corrected to "bring back") his child in, what I assume is the middle of the night ? If you want us to believe he's a shitty parent, you should at least imply it in the dialogue, by making him sound annoyed at the concept of going to fetch his kid from a park.
This whole scene sounds fake (an adult saying "Oh okay!" to another adult in a serious context), I would suggest completely rewritting it.

What I get from your dialogues is that your main language isn't English ("collect my kid"), you should either proofread your text yourself, or ask a friend who's better at English to proofread it for you.

 

But my point was, why would you post a blatant hate comment if It won't contribute to anything in anyway

 

because hate comments are what fuel you to work harder m8

 

Things like this I can learn from, even if it is a bit insulting, so thank you for your response :D

 

temmie is kinda right, I mean, this is literally
1. Go to a few npcs
2. Kill a boss
3. Go to an npc

oh, and there are 9 people, 6 are missing, AND YOU TALK TO 6?! Also, don't you have to rescue them all?