The Stories People Tell

The stories our parents told us about santa claus is actually terrifying, but we were too dumb when we were like 5 to understand why.

"Sees you when your sleeping"
wtf is he some type of stalker?

"he jumps in through the chimney"
he better not rob my house, why is he inside my house anyways?

"leave cookies and milk out for him!"
I know you ate them in the middle of the night dad

"write what you want on santa's list!"
how in the world will he magically know what i want from a piece of paper? does he rob the house every night to see?

"so don't be on the naughty list!"
same as before, how is he gonna know? is he a stalker?

 

Oh, you forgot "He knows when you're awake." The more you think about him, the more it seems like Santa is secretly Krampus.

 

The fireplace in my house doesn’t work, so it has been closed with glass doors since as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, I asked my parents how Santa got in the house if our fireplace was closed off. They said that Santa had a special key that works for every house, and that’s how he got in. I still can’t believe that I believed that as a kid xD

 

So he can break into everyones house at any given time...