[satire] Forte Rates: Mythic Weapons

Introduction
Hello peeps. Today i felt like doing something different. I have been obsessed with testing out buying every item the game has to offer, especially mythics. The goal of this series of threads is to rate every item in the game using a star based rating system. That is going to take a very long time, i know, but it just seemed like something fun to do. Now keep in mind that these threads are my opinion. If you think otherwise about an item, tell me in a reply! i'd love to hear what the community thinks. Let's get started shall we!


The Rating System
Since this is the first time i am doing this, let me explain the rating system. It is pretty straight forward actually:

☆☆☆☆☆
What the f**k are you thinking mate? This s**t is overpriced as f**k, who the f**k buys this s**t???

★☆☆☆☆
Wow, I had no idea this is so expensive, good thing I saved up for months for this!

★★☆☆☆
A little bit expensive so you have to go to server one and sca....I mean to get some le, and can probably get it

★★★☆☆
Very decent price but still worth it.

★★★★☆
An amazing item for an amazing value who would've known that this can happen!

★★★★★
This item is godly. It is almost an auto-include in every build of that class and can create a tier 1 build on it's own. And GOD DAMN THIS S**T IS CHEAP I WISH I CAN BUY EVERY ONE OF THEM WITH MY MONEY!


Let's Start Rating!

Archer
Archer's mythics in general are some of the worst dps better value mythics out there (proven by @orange0401). Yet there are still some nice overpriced archer mythics out there, let's see which ones are good and which ones aren't.

AZ
★★★★★
If you are an archer and you don't own an Az, I don't know what the fuck you are doing.
You can get 20,000 damage bomb with the low low cost of 64-85 le, come on this shit is a steal.

Grandmother
★★★☆☆
The damage just does not make up for the major downsides this bow hasHoly balls, 17,000 to 20,000 bomb? Who the fuck holds this bow out the entire damn time anyway? Who gives a shit about the -hp? The more -hp the cheaper it is. 2-3.5 stacks of le.
Ignis
★★☆☆☆
Yo ever thought of elemental super cancer defense archer? *cough* @Net_Twerk *cough* This dank ass bow got your ass covered for only 3-4.5 stacks of le

Freedom
★★☆☆☆
Overpriced as fuck since we 'Muricans get this shit for free in AMERICA
Scrubs these days wears elemental armor so this shit ain't gonna penetrate that ass.
3-4.5 stacks? No worth.

Spring
★☆☆☆☆
When you live in a colder area and desperately want spring then you can get it for a small loan of 10-13 stacks of le.

Stratiformis
☆☆☆☆☆
Now, i did not rate this bow so high low because i am obsessed with it. I sold bought mine and don't want another one (i got bored of it too poor for it). But then, why is this so shittyly rated? Well, out of all bows stratiformis had the highest damage price. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU WANT TO BUY THIS BOW, THIS SHIT WORTH WELL OVER THE ENTIRE AMERICA'S DEBT.
WHO THE FUCK SPENT 43 STACKS OF LE ON THIS FUCKING PIECE OF SHI...oh wait.



Warriors
Warriors mythics add some good, fun and unique weapons into the mix of mythics. Some of them are really good, others... not so much. Let's start rating them!

Idol
★★★☆☆
Why would you pay 3-5 stacks of le for this shitty water gun? Get a WaveTwister you moron.

Hero
★★★★☆
Good memes, worth 3-5 stacks.

Alkatraz
★☆☆☆☆
Alkatrash, but on the shitty side, this shit will go up in price once they fix war scream.
Kinda worth 5-6 stacks for future investment Kappa.

Apocalypse
★★★☆☆
Now hear me out on this okay. ALL THE WAR SCREAM EXPLOITERS OUT THERE BROUGHT THIS PRICE UP NOW I HAVE TO PAY 4-6 STACKS FOR THIS. JUST YOU WAIT TILL THE EXPLOIT IS FIXED.

Thrundacrack
★★☆☆☆
Fuck this shit, too hard to sell. Not worth 7-8 stacks.

Guardian
★★☆☆☆
You thought you can be the Guardian of The Galaxy when you bought it for 5-6 stacks.


Mage
In the current state of the game, mage is a very strong class due to its ability to heal cancer while still dealing massive damage IQ damage with meteor. It also has good crowd-control using ice snake and decent mobility with teleport. Mage's mythics are also not to laugh at, since most of them are very strong overpriced.

Pure
★★★★★
Best 16-64 le I've ever spent in my life.
Why is this not a form of currency?

Warp
☆☆☆☆☆
Haha jokes on you @Rem-Rin for paying 23.5 stacks.

Monster
★★★☆☆
Is not the Monster energy drink you are looking for but 5-6 stacks is fine for what it does.

Lament
★★☆☆☆
Why this is weapon so expensive? Who can actually hit players now days? Could've spent 5-6.5 stacks on the Scammer Merchant.

Fatal
★☆☆☆☆
That's a fatal 10-11 stacks of le to my bank.

Gaia
★☆☆☆☆
I planted all 10-12 stacks of le in to the ground and hopefully lord (Gaia) will bless me with more le in return.


Assassin
And finally, the assassin. This class is considered as one of the worst classes in Wynncraft at this current state of the game. But then some strong overpriced mythics came out for assassin, some of which even changed the metaeconomy.

Archangel
★★★★★
BECOME A SANIC FOR A LOW LOW PRICE OF 45-64 le? HOLY SHIT!

Inferno
★★★☆☆
Hey guys, I just burned 3 stacks of le into my blazing inferno flames!

Nirvana
★☆☆☆☆
I suffered and died many times, still couldn't figure out why I spent that 12 stacks on it. Neither can I find that god damn Nirvana.

Weathered
★★☆☆☆
7-8.5 stacks, but good memes.

Cataclysm
☆☆☆☆☆
A cataclysm to the Wynn economy. At least someone was smart enough to Item Buyer it. @ImperialBlaze

Grimtrap
★☆☆☆☆
I would rather spend that 7-9 stacks of le to fagasstraps.com


thanks for the copy and paste @Rem-Rin

 

omg finally someone knows how strong pure is

 

Best Thread 2k17

 

Obviously.

 

I will make a new thread on rem rates now.

 

1- you are just rating them according to their prices alone and not considering the cost-effectiveness like you hoped, eg Pure's damage is not worth its money for a ordinary lv 65

2- idol market prices are 3-5 stacks instead of 5-7 stacks that's more severe error you made in prices

3- this is opinion, not guide, would recommend remove guide tag to avoid confusion and being reported

Overall I rate your guide 6 stars out of negative 2

 

You read the title right? It says "satire"....

 

Since when has my Rem Rates thread become a meme?...

 

behind the meme upload when

 

Have you tried it? If you haven't, don't rate it. Rem is living proof of that, he was one of the biggest haters before he tried it The struggle was real

 

I'm going to defend Pure for the rest of my life.
It's good for it's level.

 

I'm making fun of the pricing, not the weapon.

 

This is getting old.

And please stop it with the 'Murica freedom stuff, stop bragging about things that aren't even true.

 

its pretty terrible for its level, also im pretty sure ohonte kerhite is better

 

I guess people don't understand the definition of "satire" maybe I should change the word to humor instead....

 

This is starting to be come annoying... Do you imagine if everybody do a thread like that in which they give random stars to all the mythics ? It will be very annoying and useless because we will only see that.

Sorry but for me this thread deserve to be in VIP Plaza or Nemract's Bar, not here.

 

I understand that but you said the same thing in another thread and I just wanted to say it now.

 

Someone tried to do a good thread in which he/she rates mythics, don't make it be a meme please.

 

yes... YE... YESSS... YEAYAEYYAYAEAE

 

The most trusted and accurate advisor on Wynncraft weaponry - since 2017