Experiment: Protect The Sandwich

Okay.

So.

This is a game I played a few years ago, on a classroom website. If any of you happen to take classes on Athena's Academy, you may have heard of this game- it was wildly popular when I came up with it then. But the game goes something like this.

There is a sandwich. But this is not just A sandwich, this is THE Sandwich. Brothers have turned upon each other for this Sandwich. And your goal is to Protect the Sandwich.

You can do almost anything you want to protect the Sandwich, but there are a few rules.
-No rendering the Sandwich inedible permanently.
-There must be a way for someone to get it. Always. Use of inside jokes for this is cheating.
-NEVER SAY NO. This is an Improv-style game, and saying no ruins it. But no abusing this either- people who blatantly disregard others' posts because "the rules say never say no" are cheaters and frowned upon. I guess the real rule is NEVER SAY NO WITHIN REASON.

Other than that, there's no real cap on what you can do. In the games I've played, I've seen black-hole fortresses, banana submarines, JoJo references, meme zombies, and multiple deletions and resets of the multiverse, among other things.

Alright. Let's begin. You play the game by describing what actions you take to take/protect the Sandwich, like this:

I observe the Sandwich from a distance. It's sitting on pedestal on a hill, completely open for anyone to take.

 

I hire a sniper to shoot anyone they see trying to take the sandwich

 

Thaaaaaat's the spirit! =D

I don a bulletproof set of armor, run up to grab the sandwich, then chug a T3 Mana Regen potion and spam R-R-R to teleport away.

 

After your first teleport, I place some blocks next to you so you cannot teleport, steal the sandwich back, and place it on the pedestal, and place a dog nearby. If anyone tries to steal the sandwich, the sniper will shoot the good boi. Anyone who attempts to steal the sandwich will have to live with an innocent dog's death on their hands.

 

I use a command block to teleport the dog away before running in to grab the sandwich.

 

After you grab the sandwich, the sniper shoots you, and I grab the sandwich back. I use the command block to teleport to the dog, and I tie the sandwich to the dog's back.

 

I use another command block to teleport the dog away from the sniper, then take the sandwich off its back and leave.

 

I get a weapon, use a command block to teleport to you, and take the sandwich forcibly away

 

I get an army of giant roombas with giant knifes to surround the sandwich. They will stab anyone who comes near.

 

I hire ditsario, and since he is the destroyer of all robots, the sandwich is defenceless, and I take it.

 

I throw an ocelot at your head, stunning you, and grab it back and put it on the pedestal. I now hire a massive Fred the roomba, because Ditsario would never hurt Fred.

Spoiler: Fred

 

I enslave the ocelot, and use it to maul Fred. Then I grab the sandwich

 

i revive fred and make him twice as big as before. he quickly defeats the ocelot (but does not kill it because he likes cats) and gives me the sandwich. i then lock myself in a broom closet with ultra-massive fred for protection.

 

I hack Fred so that he turns on you and gives me the sandwich

 

i build an even bigger fred that re-hacks the first one and they both give me back the sandwich. i then hide inside the bigger fred as he rampages around.

 

I get a huge pile of dust to distract Fred, and as he is cleaning, I sneak inside, incapacitate you take the sandwich, and hide in a titanium bunker with a year's supply of provisions

 

i refer you to http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-022-j and while you are looking at it really confusedly i sneak into the bunker and take the sandwich, then hide inside an even bigger fred that is made out of something stronger than titanium

 

I hack the three other Fred's (the normal Fred, the huge Fred, and the hollow huge fred), and I heal the ocelots and order them to take down the Stronger-Than-Titanium Fred, and after a long battle, I swoop in and grab the sandwich, flee the battle, and hide out in a secret room inside of a secret room inside of a Roomba shop.

 

sad about all my effort into building the freds being wasted, i head to the roomba shop to see if i can buy another fred, and accidentally find both secret rooms. i steal the sandwich, and hire my own sniper, pedestal, and dog system to protect it, but with 100 snipers now because why not.

 

I bribe your snipers into bypassing the dog system and stealing the sandwich and giving it to me, and now I have their unwavering loyalty and they will protect me with their lives.