Lore/Story Death's Office

More off-canon lunacy poured into words, which itself is another teaser for two more quests. Won't tell which two, though, and I'm yet to be done with the quests and the lore-janking scribblings.

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1000 AP

TODAY WAS A BAD DAY. AND NOT JUST ANY GENERIC DEFINITION OF BAD - THE SITUATION AT HAND WENT WAY PAST BAD AND INTO THE ABYSSAL VEIL BETWEEN THE PLANES AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT WHERE IT CRASHED AND BURNED. I'VE SEEN THIS PROVINCE HAVE IT WORSE, BUT THIS... THIS IS A WHOLE ANOTHER LEVEL.

SOME MADMAN IN OLUX HAS SOMEHOW MANAGED TO UNLEASH A PLAGUE WORSE THAN ITS PREVIOUS INCARNATION. IT SPREAD TO GELIBORD AND EVEN LEXDALE, WHERE IT TOOK HOLD AND BEGAN TO AFFLICT PEOPLE WITH A SEVERE FORM OF THE DECAY. I DON'T KNOW ITS REAL NAME, BUT IT IS BORNE OF THE DECAY, SO I DECIDED TO CALL IT "AFFLICTION" FOR THE LACK OF A BETTER TERM. BORING AND UNDESCRIPTIVE NAME, I KNOW, BUT THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

IT WILL SOON SPREAD TO THE ENTIRETY OF GAVEL AND KILL THOUSANDS, AND THAT MEANS MORE BUSINESS FOR ME. AND THAT'S WHY IT IS BAD - IT'S A LARGE INFLUX OF DECEASED. GETTING MAYBE A DOZEN AT MOST PER DAY IS STILL GOOD, BUT THOUSANDS? USUAL POST-MORTEM PROCESSIONS TAKE HOURS ON END SINCE THESE PEOPLE NEED A CLOSURE. A PATH IN WHICH THEY ARE ABLE TO REACH THE END OF THEIR LIVES AND MOVE ON.

THIS WILL BE AN ANNOYANCE FOR SURE. HERE'S TO ME HOPING I DON'T GET BORED TO DEATH DURING THIS ANOMALY.

1001 AP

HAPPY NEW YEAR. HOWEVER YOU WOULD DEFINE HAPPY, THAT IS. BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE BEING BOGGED DOWN IN TONS OF PAPERWORK AND FUNERARY RITES IS DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO BE A "HAPPY" NEW YEAR.

SPEAKING OF PAPERWORK, I COULDN'T FIND PROPER CLOSURES FOR SEVERAL PEOPLE WHO WERE TAKEN BEFORE THEIR TIMES. IN ONE CASE, THE SOUL DIDN'T EVEN REACH MY OFFICE. STRANGE.

I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF INTERVIEWING THESE "LOST SOULS" (TO BE FAIR, THEY WEREN'T EVEN LOST, THEY JUST COULDN'T ACCEPT THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF THEIR DEATH) AND PUT THEM ON HOLD FOR THE TIME BEING. WHICH IS UNFORTUNATE, SINCE THERE'S NO HELPING HAND TO HELP THESE PEOPLE MOVE ONTO THE AFTERLIVE. I CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO GO THROUGH THE ENTIRE BACKLOG IN HOURS, WHICH WOULD BE ABSURD, EVEN FOR SOMEONE WITH MY TALENTS. HOWEVER YOU WOULD DESCRIBE THEM, ANYWAY. MY SENSE OF HUMOR IS AS DEAD AS A DOORNAIL THESE DAYS. OF COURSE, WHEN BOGGED DOWN WITH SUCH RIDICULOUS AMOUNTS OF PAPERWORK, THEN YOU TOO WOULD LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. HAZARDS OF RUNNING A SEMI-MONOTONOUS WORKPLACE WHERE YOU HELP PEOPLE PASS ON.

1001 AP, 2 weeks later

LIKE THE OVERWORKED DUMMY I AM, I FORGOT TO ADD MY COMMENTS ON THE INTERVIEWEES HERE. FOR THE SAKE OF PRIVACY, I DID NOT NAME ANY OF THESE SOULS. YOU CAN BLAME BOVINE FOR THAT ONE SINCE ONE OF HIS COMMANDMENTS LITERALLY BAN SPEAKING ILL OF THE DEAD. THIS WAS THE ONLY WORKAROUND I COULD FIND, SO BEAR WITH ME IF NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE.

Spoiler: Interviewee 1

I DON'T GET HYBRIDS OFTEN, SO THIS ONE CAME AS A BIT OF A SURPRISE. SAID THEY DIED BECAUSE SOMEONE DIDN'T WANT THE SECRET TO COME OUT. HONESTLY, IF WYNN LETS VILLAGERS INHABIT THEIR LANDS LEGALLY, THEN WHAT RIGHTS DO GAVELIAN PEOPLE HAVE TO FORBID THEM? GOOD GRIEF.

CAUSE OF DEATH: TREACHERY AGAINST THE VILLAGES OF ELTOM AND THESEAD
VERDICT: HONESTLY, THEY DO NOT DESERVE A GOOD AFTERLIFE. I'LL BE HAVING A FEW WORDS WITH BOVINE ABOUT THEIR BEHAVIOR.

Spoiler: Interviewee 2

YOU'LL BE SURPRISED HOW MANY IMPOSTORS OF SIEGFRIED I GET OVER THE YEARS. HEARD THAT THEY MADE A MASS GRAVE SOMEWHERE IN CINFRAS JUST SO THEY COULD DUMP THEIR ROTTING BODIES. TO THINK THE HERO OF GAVEL HAS BECOME SUCH A TRAVESTY... FORTUNATELY, MY JUDGEMENT IS SWIFT IN CASES LIKE THESE, AS YOU WOULD ATTEST TO DOZENS OF OTHER "SIEGFRIED" CASES THAT I GOT OVER THE YEARS.

CAUSE OF DEATH: "REPLACED" BY SIEGFRIED CLXVIII
VERDICT: FORTUNATELY, THEIR "BAD"S DO NOT OUTWEIGH THEIR "GOOD"S, SO THEY DO GET AN AFTERLIFE.

Spoiler: Interviewee 3

I ACTUALLY RAN OUT OF EXPLETIVES TO USE FOR THIS IDIOCY. IF YOU'RE WILLING TO DO THIS EVEN TO A GIRL, THEN I'M SORRY, BUT ONLY OBLIVION IS IN YOUR FUTURE.

...OKAY, NOW THAT THIS MINI-RANT IS OUT OF MY SYSTEM, I'D LIKE TO GO ON A TANGENT REGARDING A PARTICULAR ANATHEMA TO THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - IRON GOLEMS. WHAT ARE THESE THINGS, ANYWAY? ARE THEY SENTIENT? ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO BE SENTIENT? AS I SAID, READING OUT THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND REASONS OF HER TORMENT HAS MADE ME LASH OUT AT THEIR CREATOR, A CERTAIN DR. URELIX, WHO HAS COMMITTED UNSPEAKABLE ATROCITIES IN THE PAST LONG BEFORE I SET MY SIGHTS ON HIM. IF HE DIES, I WILL MAKE SURE HE WILL SUFFER EVERY SECOND OF HIS "AFTERLIFE".

AS FOR THE GIRL, NO IDEA.

CAUSE OF DEATH: MERCY-KILLED
VERDICT: ...I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THIS ONE.

Spoiler: Interviewee 4

DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND THAT I ONLY GET PEOPLE WHO DIE IN GAVEL TO MY OFFICE. APPARENTLY, THE SILENT EXPANSE IS NOW OPEN, AND WITH IT A DUO OF DECEASED SOULS MADE THEIR WAY HERE (THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE A QUARTET, BUT FOR SOME REASON ONE OF THEM WAS LOST TO WHATEVER ABOMINATION SITS BEHIND THE ANCIENT GATES THEY MENTIONED - THE OTHER ONE WAS THE SOLE SURVIVOR WHO CAME FOR A VISIT EARLIER). IT'S A SHAME THEY WERE LOST TO WHAT THE SILENT EXPANSE HAD TO OFFER FOR THEM - A TEST OF CHARACTER, IF YOU WILL. THE LASS DIED BECAUSE OF THEIR INSECURITY AND WEAK WILL, THE LAD DIED BECAUSE OF THEIR IMPULSIVENESS. NO WONDER WHY THE QUARTET HAD ONLY ONE SURVIVOR.

CAUSE OF DEATH: JUDGED, EXECUTED AND QUARTERED (IN A RATHER GRISLY WAY, EVEN BY SILENT EXPANSE STANDARDS)
VERDICT: THEY MAY PASS.

Spoiler: Interviewee 5

I'VE HAD MANY TYPES OF VISITORS, AND DWARVES ARE A SIGHT THAT I'M ALL TOO USED TO. SCORCHED DWARVES. DWARVES WHO HAD A CONCAVED SKULL. DWARVES WITHOUT HEADS, OR EVEN DWARVES WITH... YOU GET THE POINT. THE CRUX OF THE PROBLEM WAS THAT AN ANCESTRAL VILLAINY HAD LED TO A MASSACRE, PERMANENTLY SCARRING THE REAL INHABITANTS OF MOLTEN HEIGHTS. WHILE THEY DIDN'T GET TO SEE THE DWARVEN DOMINANCE LEAVE ITS WAY TO A PEACEFUL ERA, THEY CERTAINLY PLAYED AN ACTIVE ROLE IN USHERING THIS NEW ERA.

CAUSE OF DEATH: UNJUSTFUL AND UNCALLED FOR INCINERATION
VERDICT: TO OPPOSE AN ANCESTRAL VILLAINY IS ONE THING. THIS ONE WORKED ON ACTUALLY RESOLVING IT. HE GETS THE PASS.

Spoiler: Interviewee 6

I'LL LET THIS LETTER EXPLAIN, BECAUSE I CAN'T BE ARSED TO EXPLAIN WHAT'S GOING ON.

Spoiler: LETTER

Death,

It has come to my attention that one of your visitors is Dullahan, the veritable scourge of Gelibord himself. Don't ask me how did I notice this.

You should be aware that Dullahan has absorbed the energies of countless souls unto himself, twisting them into abominable husks of their former selves, before discarding their leftovers into the darkest, deepest reaches of the Gelibord Castle where they forevermore stay as lost souls - thus denying them an afterlife. This in and of itself is anathema to the order of life and death. Yes, I'm a hypocrite for saying this. After all, I'm the same person who slipped you and the Dark Beast's grasp by projecting my consciousness into the very fibers of the plane that glues the two worlds together. I barely was able to sustain myself with the excess energy of the worlds that sat on two sides of the Abyss... but I digress.

The reason why Dullahan was consuming the souls could be traced to a simple reason - attempted genocide of the Villagers. While I have a personal dislike of them for my own reasons, being too obsessed with emeralds and their overall ineptitude for one barring some outliers, I draw the line at driving them to extinction. The Decay has left his resurrected husk scarred and deformed, but I assure you, his resolve to murder everyone and everything had never been stronger than before.

His genocide was finally put to an end when one major source of the souls he was gathering - the Lexdale Slaughterhouse Penitentiary - had been destroyed earlier by the Chosen of Wynn, who then proceeded to strike him down when his guard was at its lowest. Will he be missed? Certainly not, after what he did to the innocent people of Gelibord.

And then there's the matter that kickstarted the whole thing - ignorance of the Villagers. I've dealt with them personally. No, not in the sense that they got the same punishment as he did - I tied them to Dullahan, causing them to become mindless thralls of his will. Servants of justice in life, servants of "justice" in death. Ironic. I've also made sure that the Lazarus Pit was inaccessible for everyone - the Chosen of Wynn included - so that nobody will dare resurrect the dead ever again, to avoid a second Scourge of Gavel.

I will not bore you with further details. Punish Dullahan as you see fit. Isolate him from the souls in the afterlife so that he may not cheat death again.

Signed,
???, The Watcher Beyond

CAUSE OF DEATH: SEE LETTER.
VERDICT: NOT YET. I'M PLANNING ON A SUITABLE PUNISHMENT FOR THIS PERSON.

Spoiler: Interviewee 7

THIS ONE IS LESS OF A HASSLE FOR ME TO HANDLE THAN THE REST. BECAUSE HONESTLY, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT FROM A BUNCH OF DO-NO-GOOD PIRATES THAT DOOMED THEMSELVES AND THE IMMEDIATE AREA THEY RESIDED IN? HOPING THAT SOMEONE DEALS WITH REDBEARD QUICKLY, I HEARD THAT THEIR DESCENDANT IS ATONING SOMEWHERE IN DEAD ISLAND.

CAUSE OF DEATH: MASSACRED, NATCH
VERDICT: THEY DIDN'T COMMIT ANY SOUL RELATED CRIMES SO I CAN BE SOMEWHAT LENIENT IN THEIR JUDGEMENT. THEY GET AN AFTERLIFE, BUT IT'S UP TO BOVINE IF THEY GET THE "GOOD ENDING" OR THE "BAD ENDING".

I REALLY NEED A BREAK. HEARD THAT LUSUCO WAS A NICE PLACE TO VISIT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR, THOUGH I STILL NEED TO HAVE A FEW WORDS WITH ANKOU ABOUT HIS MASTER'S BEHAVIOR.

 

No.

The particular reason why it sounds like this is because Death is too tired to make death related puns and jokes ("MY SENSE OF HUMOR IS AS DEAD AS A DOORNAIL THESE DAYS. OF COURSE, WHEN BOGGED DOWN WITH SUCH RIDICULOUS AMOUNTS OF PAPERWORK, THEN YOU TOO WOULD LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR."), and is just disgruntled overall.