Anti-jokes!

Welcome to the lovely world of
Anti-jokes!
A type of joke that is set up like a normal one, so you expect a punchline, but it ends with such an anticlimax, that it's actually funny!
Examples:
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
Credit: @Slimeonatree57

What's sharp, big, and in my pants?
A knife.
Credit: @Bionic_Mage

What did the disabled kid get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Credit: Me!

Spoiler: Best Jokes

I will ocassionally choose a really good joke from the thread, and I will feature all of the best here.

Spoiler: Best Jokes

A duck walks into a over 7-11 and says "Give me some Chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.
Credit: @Slimeonatree57

Post your anti jokes below!
Dark humor is fine too, I particularly like dead baby jokes.
Originally a profile post on @mod's profile, started by @Slimeonatree57, there are plenty more jokes on there, this was a secret plan to make you go to mod's profile.
Currently going for longest profile comment chain.

Spoiler: Disclaimer

If you are offended easily, or triggered by dark humor, PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK! The owner or joke contributors are not responsible for ANY flame wars.

 

FIRST BLOOD JOKE!
How do you get a clown off a swing?

Hit him with an axe.

 

What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the car?

"Get in the car."

 

A chemist and his friend walk into a bar.

The chemist says "I'd like a glass of H2O." So the bartender gave him water.

His friend said "I'd like a glass of H2O, too."

So the bartender also gave him water, because he knew what he meant and had no conceivable reason to be carrying hydrogen peroxide, much less to be giving it as a drink.

 

That's borderline joke m8, you might get banned if you aren't careful.

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What is the biggest lie in the universe?
"I have read and agreed to the terms of service."

 

What do you call a message on a thread to get it into the "latest posts?"

You call it a bump.

 

What do a hamster and a cigarette have in common?
they're both harmless until you put it in your mouth and light them on fire.

 

Good think I don't celebrate Christmas

 

Dead baby joke time!
"Dark humor is fine too, I particularly like dead baby jokes."

What is the difference between a baby and an onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.

 

Your mom is so fat, we are all very worried about her health.

Why did little timmy drop his ice cream, he was hit by a bus

 

Why did the little pig squeal?
He was going through the blades in a slaughterhouse

(Lmao I actually got a little depressed typing this... I could never hurt animals...)

 

Why did rob drink blood?
He was choking on his on blood as he died.

 

Where was Little Annie when bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
The End.

 

Knock knock
Who's there?
Not Annie.

 

What did Handless Jimmy get for Christmas? Gloves. Just Joking, he haven't opened his present yet.

 

Why couldn't the paraplegic run the marathon?
Crippling depression.

Menstruation jokes just aren't funny.
Period.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Depends on the size of your mouth.

While I was trying to come up with more awful ones...
Me: "What's warm, moist, and immature?"
Friend: "you."

 

What starts with a W and ends with a D

 

What does the fox say?

According to Wikipedia:
Vocalization
The fox's vocal repertoire is vast:

• Whine - Made shortly after birth. Occurs at a high rate when cubs are hungry and when their body temperatures are low. Whining stimulates the mother to care for her young; it also has been known to stimulate the male fox into caring for his mate and cubs.
• Yelp - Made about 19 days later. The cubs' whining turns into infantile barks, yelps, which occur heavily during play.
• Explosive call - At the age of about one month, the cubs can emit an explosive call which is intended to be threatening to intruders or other cubs; a high pitch howl.
• Combative call - In adults, the explosive call becomes an open-mouthed combative call during any conflict; a sharper bark.
• Growl - An adult fox's indication to their cubs to feed or head to the adult's location.
• Bark - Adult foxes warn against intruders and in defense by barking.[2][17]

In the case of domesticated foxes, the whining seems to remain in adult individuals as a sign of excitement and submission in the presence of their owners.[2]

 

What did the homeless man get for Christmas?

Nothing.

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Idk m8