Bullshit Your Way To Victory

As the rocket falls, burning pieces of it cascade into the already-weary streets below. Along with the catastrophic tornado, the city’s residents soon find themselves trapped as flammable materials are turned into a kindling for a fire of incredible proportions. In the wake of disaster and the deaths of thousands without any reparations from the uncaring rulers responsible, a citizen “mystic” digging through the rubble performs a long-untold rite - one that parts the debris just enough to reveal the glint of an object.

The Dog-Sigilate, as the object, a small gold medallion, is later called, surely as a sardonic gesture at the hypocrisy of the city’s godlike conquerors, is discovered to quite the esoteric capabilities. Seemingly indestructible, it, for reasons unknown to even the shaman responsible for finding it, is a catalyst for inexplicable events - and towards those who harm the city’s populace, creates inexplicable consequences to every immoral plan. Promptly, you catch the effects of the virus itself after it somehow mutates, and you are rendered immobile just in time for a large piece of wind-carried debris to strike you unconscious for several days on end.

 

(are you kidding me I forfeited my message for this)

unbeknownst to you two, people who recover from the virus gain remarkable strength for a period, which I discover and use to jump so high that I land back in the City. Since you did not actually claim the City in that post, it still belongs to Endistic, who is currently incapacitated, and the people of the City recognize me as their previous ruler, deciding to make me temporary owner while the disasters continue due to my newfound strength.

 

I use some cake to host a cake party and then make a small replica of the City on top of a big cake. You get sucked into it and rule Cake City, while I rule the real city in your absence.

 

I transform myself into a snowglobe, un-melt the glass into sand, transfer my conciousness to the sand, and strike the sand with lightning. This is special sand, and disintegrates.

Everyone everywhere gets a horrible migraine due to cackling in their ears, but no one says a word. With my newfound power (which I conveniently don't elaborate on in this post), I throw a tomato at Tzel.

Now that everyone has a migraine, no one can help Tzel get rid of the stains and he gets so frustrated he resigns. The throne is empty, full of air, and therefore I rule the city.

 

Ok I have been scrubbing for one month and 22 days. However, now I finally got it out, because Uzbuz just taught me how to use minecraft commands, I now posses the powers of Yellow from Animation Versus Minecraft, with the command block staff. However the limitation is it has to be a valid syntax minecraft command command.
/Execute at Tzelofachad run RemoveStains

/setblock ThroneLocation replace ~ ~ ~ - ~ ~+2 ~ TzelofachadBlock
the Tzelofachad block is a much more powerful version of me. It spreads.

 

there is still air on the throne...

 

no, i replaced it with TzelofachadBlock. The TzelofachadBlock begins spreading...

 

A message begins broadcasting over all radios, televisions, and cell phones. The world hushes itself for a moment, listening with baited breath. When the announcement ends, the babble begins. Confused and worried murmurs turn to shouts as black clouds appear on the horizon. Telltale rumbling signals the lightning striking miles away. Clouds roll over the forest, and plasma shoots down from the clouds, lightning striking tree after tree, burning the forest and raining down ash. The shadow cast by the cloud is pitch black, completely outcompeting the sun's feeble rays. The thunder gets louder, and soon there is a flood of people desperately attempting to escape the City's gates; predictably, they're locked. People are trampled to death in this mob, and eventually, through a massive group effort, the people burst out of the gate, but too late. The storm is here. Winds strong enough to toss men into buildings, and the lightning, oh, the lightning; wrathful strikes hitting every which way, razing houses and fields and turning people to dust where they stand. Some incredibly lucky survivors make it out of the City, but the storm is spreading over the world. Chaos; the palace burns. The TzelofachadBlocks are all turned to dust and scattered to the burning forests. As foundations crumble and houses collapse, a radio lying in a field of detritus, looping the same message of doom over and over.
"Zeus is dead," it says, "The skies have a new master."
Mardeknius settles down on the twisted, blackened remains of the throne. The clouds part around her, and sun shines through the gap in the clouds, illuminating her brilliantly. The winds, hitting others with shrapnel and throwing them against buildings, gently swirls around her, buffeting her hair.
The winds begin to shape the city once more. The palace is first rebuilt, a conglomerate of charcoal, stone, and metal, and soon the whole City is rebuilt, houses mashed together and made into unfamiliar abodes. The people crawl out from their hiding places - those which found places to hide - and feel the marvellous feeling of the sun against their skin. The clouds have parted around the city, but they stay settled over the world outside, torturous winds and spiteful lightning destroying anything not within the bounds of the City.

 

I cast
/weather clear

 

unfortunately, you find that your Operator Command Juices have been drained mysteriously. who could've done this?? perhaps we shall never know

 

you've made a grave mistake
do you them whispering
the voices
the voices
the voices that are whispering
they follow you, Mardeknius
they follow you.
Every post, every build.
Every mistake, every success
they follow you
the voices
"why are these ears still on my head?" the voices whisper.
a voice named Galaxy
the voices

you might be the ruler of the skies, but you seemed to have forgotten that someone on this thread is literal air.
the sand-air in the air knocks you off the throne while you're still trying to cope with the fact that are millions of voices swirling around you and whispering all at once
while you writhe in pain on the ground, the base of a snowglobe falls on your head and knocks you out.



on an (un)related note, sand has started to appear in the bodies of the dead residents of the city.

 

Your new reign is highly successful and efficient, and the people of the City rejoice at their new and benevolent ruler. Mardeknius is safely tied up in a prison somewhere far below the City, and is of no more concern to you. The bodies are all buried, unfortunately, and the sand was tossed into the ocean, where sand is supposed to go, but everything is proceeding smoothly.

One day, however, the residents of the City wake up in panic. They can't breathe. Something has taken all of the air out of the City, and they all suffocate. Bizarrely enough, someone seems to have accidentally turned a vacuum cleaner inside out, resulting in the entire City's air being sucked into the negative space contained therein, and making the entire City a vacuum (there's a magic bubble around the City that doesn't let out any air and cannot be destroyed by any means). All of the air - and you along with it - is now sucked into this vacuum cleaner bag. You, attempting to escape the bag, see a figure approach. Poor jail guardsman work, so it seems, has resulted in the escape of one Mardeknius. I take the bag and toss it into the local volcano. Also, because I'm the god of weather, I don't have to breathe. I then inject life back into all of the residents of the City, who now also don't have to breath, using my Life Stick.

 

I have found the person who drained my Command Block Juice. it was KSI. I show him memes roasting Thick of It until he dies and then steal it back. I use the command
/tp @e[type=primed_tnt] Mardeknius

i light 1000 tnt and it delivers it to you and blows you to mars

 

Unfortunately, KSI was framed. It turns out that your assistant had accidentally blown a hole in your Operator Command Juice bucket, and neglected to tell you. You use the command, but it turns out that the juice you stole was really just orange juice. All the TNT spawned around me turns into oranges, and I hold a feast at the palace.

 

I go back in time and give everyone there but you a citrus allergy, so it looks like you poisoned them. The mob of citizens kicks you out of the palace in rage and elects me as temporary magistrate

 

i respawn as my current transformation, a snowglobe (see older post)

 

Unfortunately, your time machine malfunctions. Whoever built it must've been a hack. When you come back to the present day, it undoes all of the peoples' citrus allergies. I then show them that they're not actually allergic to oranges by giving them new ones; so, the oranges that they were given previously must've been poisoned! And, since you were the one who gave them the oranges, you are thrown out of the city by an angry mob, and I am brought back as the queen.

 

I build a bunch of tunnels beneath the city shops and steal all the eggs
i make an egg gun and shoot you with eggs til you fall off the throne and i sit on it.
then i dress as you and use my new power to find the command block juice and drink it.
/execute at Mardeknius run summon primed_tnt

 

Strangely, where the snowglobe previously was, there is now an a 50 meter tall vault. No one knows why it is there, and seems to be impervious to everything thrown at it.

 

oh I missed this part whoops
unfortunately, the command block juice had been mixed with orange juice, to which you're deathly allergic. somebody really messed up on that one. you'll have to fire your assistants.
you're rushed to the hospital, but you were only dressed as me, something they realize quickly. they then stop moving you to the hospital, and put you on trial for impersonating me, who is rethroned as the monarch.