Bullshit Your Way To Victory

Guys this thread is 2 weeks away from necro...

 

For the past few months, I have been continuously fortifying the hotel, expanding its perimeters to such an extent that they now take up the entire city itself. As nobody has stopped me, the city technically becomes private property due to being so densely interwoven with its fortifications, allowing me to take control mostly unbeknownst to the population.

 

I use my canonical managerial experience (ok fine technically that isnt ME managing uz hotel but let it go ether, or I just use my charisma to do it instead) to convince your staff to let me work there (in disguise), and move up the corporate ladder until I am the executive manager. You still "own" the city, but I manage and control it.

 

Your workers, not pleased with the little control they have over the hotel, decide to unionize and strike, forcing you to give them more control. I step in and appoint several union leaders, who quickly reform the system to their likings. Unbeknownst to all of you, however, they are loyal directly to me and soon secretly hand me my former control back.

 

i make a bunch of review bombers to give ur hotel horrible ratings , and use mie government innfluence to stage a health inspection that shuts it down. then i open another hotel for the eschewed customers, and take contfrol of the whole citie

sorrie mie kebord is broken

 

Unfortunately, the corgi does not like unfair business practices, and with a single bark, banishes you to Trust Hell, where your business is subsequently dismantled for violating competition laws. You are dropped into an endless and inescapable labor board meeting where the spirit of Samuel Gompers recites his verdict upon you for all eternity.

 

i work mie wai back to the overworld bie sacrificing mie evil impulse to the devil, and i am now incapable of evil. i open a small coffeeshop

 

Hi, it's station again. It's nice to see that things are calming down.

 

Meanwhile, I subsidize your former hotel into the government, which soon allows me to take control of it and the city again.

 

I use mi herd of a5 wagiu beef steaks cows to distract u with the smell of meat, then make the citi a theocraci while u weren't looking and take it oover as the high bovemist priest

 

I reanimate Nietzsche and Camus, temporarily causing your clergy to quickly lose faith in your god. Your theocracy is disbanded, and I soon return the city to normal under my rule.

 

I get Nietzsche to tell me how to become the Ubermensch, and make it known that Camus is Fr*nch and therefore despicable. I take over the city by staging an epic battle between superman and the avengers who i ressurect, and rebuild the city after they destroy it.

 

While the spectacle of your battle unfolded, you forgot to evacuate the city‘s civilians in the process. Millions die in the cataclysmic destruction that unfolds as a result, and that soon catches the eye of a single being.
The corgi is devastated by your betrayal, and soon realizes that your actions were merely false pretenses made to gain its ear. It must go on to protect the people above all, and finally acts, banishing you eternally from the city under threat of worse punishments if you return. Though it is not happy with it, it takes control of the city itself to serve the greater good, establishing itself as the benevolent Dog-Emperor of Allkind. As it swears to take advice in equal share from all the city’s civilians regarding its rule, by democratic technicality, I now take the city.

 

well shoot

 

Hey. It's Station. Not sure how you're gonna get out of this one, but have this baguette.

 

I send an image of myself onto Etherweaver to eat my baguette in front of the Corgi, blessed be his name, the holy one, the saviour of all, may his words be for good and his wisdom for peace. The corgi is enraged by my Cannibalism, being a Loaf eating bread, and attacks, accidentally injuring His greatest follower. The corgi has now done an act of evil and is severely weakened by this contradiction of his identity, allowing me to send a clone into the future and enter the city under an assumed name: Rambavam.

 

The corgi, alas, is also very much a god. Making the association that Loaf, is well, Loaf, very quickly, he easily detects your poorly made disguise inside the city and proceeds to forcefully throw you out, getting ahold of both you and your clone. With a single resigned bark, he transmutes all of the clones he can find, as well as you, into a pile of actual, non-sapient bread, donating you to a food kitchen in a nearby city.

 

omg i get eaten yayey omg i dream about this every night omg

 

having completely forgotten everything that has happened in this thread up until this point, I utilize the powers of Bad Memory to circumvent any narrative devices that were previously keeping me from doing this
I take out my trusty Corgi Shotgun (which has already been lore-established every time i say "*loads shotgun*" this is the shotgun to which i'm referring), point it at the Corgi, and fire.
The bullet hits the Corgi.
The Corgi dies.
The bullet pierces through the Corgi's soul, destroying that, too.
The bullet keeps going, and destroys the very essence of "Corgi", such that Corgis can no longer exist, and any currently-existing Corgis are wiped out.

my powers of Bad Memory do not end here, however.
I look at the city, but I don't remember what it's currently defended by- so it's not. I waltz in through the gates, and I destroy anyone in my path by merely making eye contact with them - upon gazing into my eyes, they go raving mad and pretty much lose the ability to function. except blind people also exist so i need a contingency for those uhhhhhh
Also, anyone I look at turns to stone, so the "going insane" part doesn't really matter actually
they go insane if they can see me, they turn to stone if I can see them, and if they oppose me but can't see me and I can't see them then they just bloody explode ok

anyway
I take the throne and crown (who was sitting there before? can't recall, too lazy to scroll; Bad Memory wins again), and all the people - upon realizing that it's me who just took over, someone that they love and have loved their entire lives and that generations before them have also loved (this is true, right? well, my Bad Memory certainly says it is; hence, it is), instantly do whatever I say. The city becomes prosperous and everyone is happy
also, my powers of Bad Memory make the world forget about corgis.
what's a corgi?
no clue
you also don't know
nor do any hypothetical gods
and, if a hypothetical god were to ever have assumed the shape of one of these nonexistent beings, it itself would cease to exist.

 

Unfortunately, the Corgi (blessed be His name), having omnipotence, planned ahead for even this. Warping all perception so that the word "corgi," for the course of your action, becomes "Wynncraft Forums User Mardeknius," upon shooting, you fire a bullet directly at your pataphysical presence and proceed to wipe yourself from the narrative completely. The powers of your now-Mardeknius Shotgun erase the very definition of anything capable of being called Mardeknius on every narrative level, including your ingame avatar, who immediately implodes into a plot hole. The corgi throws your shotgun into it moments later, and both are vacuumed into a space of never-existence.