Steamed Hams But Its Stratiformis_ And The Eye

The Eye knocks on Strati's door, and is let in

The Eye: Well, Stratiformis, I made it here- despite your directions.

Pan view on Strati's house in the middle of nowhere

Stratiformis_: Ah! Superintendent Eye! Welcome. - I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.

The Eye: Mhm, I sure am, mortal (he mutters this under his breath).

Stratiformis walks into his kitchen. Smoke arises from his oven

Stratiformis_: Ah, Orphion! My roasted turkey is ruined... But what if I were to purchase turkey from the steakhouse down the road and disguise it as my own cooking?

Strati chuckles.

Stratiformis_: Delightfully devilish, Strati!

The Eye grows impatient at the all-powerful mortal's wasting of time. So he enters the room to investigate..

Whilst this is happening, Strati is beginning to hop out the window, his leg is on the windowsill.

The Eye sees this.

SPYROHAWK: Ah- Strati with his crazy explanations The superintendent's gonna need his medication When he hears Strati's lame exaggerations! There'll be trouble in town tonight!

The Eye: What.... are you doing Strati?

Stratiformis_: Ah! Superintendent Eye! I was just stretching my legs on this windowsill, it's a battle exercise, Qira tells me. Would you wish to join you.

The Eye looks down at his legless body floating above the air. Just an overly sized eye.

The Eye: I'll pass. Also, might I inquire on the smoke coming from your oven?

Stratiformis_: My, for a god of darkness you are quite low on the intelligence scale. That is steam! We are having steamed turkey tonight! mmmmm, turkey!

The Eye leaves. Strati does a perfect flip out the window and runs across the street faster than the cars. He returns with the turkey

Stratiformis_: Well, superintendent, I hope you are going to enjoy this steamed turkey!

The Eye pokes at it while doing a really meme like "HMMMMM" sound

The Eye: This is chicken. You said we were having turkey.

Stratiformis_: No, no, I assure you, this is turkey. Turkey Chicken! Patent pending..

The Eye: I've never heard of this.... Turkey chicken....

Stratiformis_: Of course you havent! This is a staple in uptown Dern!

The Eye: I enslaved Dern 1,000 years ago. I don't even allow them to eat. I have never heard of it, still.

Stratiformis_: Not inside Dern, Road to Dern.

The Eye: I control that, too. These are really similar to the ones at the steakhouse down the road.

Strati scoffs.

Stratiformis_: Nonsense. These are Stratibirds. Old recipe passed down to me, Stratiformis_, from my father, Stratiformis.

The Eye: For Turkey chicken.

Stratiformis_: Yes.

The Eye: Despite the fact that this is grilled? And I can hear the soul of the chicken stirring inside?

Stratiformis_: I-You know- you see- Give me a second, please.

Strati retreats to his kitchen. He grabs the Nullification sitting on the wall and does a roundhouse on the oven.

Stratiformis_: Ah, that was pleasant. A good time was had after all.

The Eye: Yes, I would say so t- What in The Realm of Shadow is happening in there.

Stratiformis_: Aurora Dernealis.

The Eye: AURORA DERNEALIS? AT THIS TIME, IN THIS PART OF THE WORLD, IN THIS REALM? SOMEHOW LOCALIZED WITHIN THE SPACE OF YOUR KITCHEN?

Stratiformis_: Yes.

The Eye: Might I see it? I haven't been in the Realm of Shadow in milennia.

Stratiformis_: No.

Stratiformis: Strati_! The house is awash in darkness!

Stratiformis_: No, father, it is just Southern Darkness.

The Eye: Well, Strati, you are an odd fellow but I must say you roast a good turkey chicken.

Stratiformis: how even- STRATI YOU DID NOT LET THE EYE INTO THIS HOUSE DID YOU? ITS NOT 1.18 YET

and cut


enjoyed it? give me likes

Didn't? well then fuck off and wait for 1.18

 

Think before you post, kids.

 

Evolution of threads quality recently :

 

i guess i'll fuck off and wait for 1.18

 

same

 

Basically

 

this thread is designed for showing children who do not understand the magical art of shitposting how not to shitpost, pleS mind

 

i love this

 

This shitty shitpost pales in comparison to the superior!
https://forums.wynncraft.com/threads/steamed-hams-but-its-the-wynncraft-version.223534/

 

14th reason why

 

Please apply to to the ct we need someone with your talents this isn’t a joke I’ve never seen better lore than this

 

I'm just confused

 

You just can't wait to ruin this, can you?

 

11/10 best

 

no shit

 

lol