Lore/Story Wynncraft Book One

Hello everyone! I recently began writing a short story about Wynncraft, and I apologize so so much for any lore mistakes, Feel free to comment any errors that I have made, as well as what you think about it! We could all use a helping hand, so if you want to correct anything that I might have messed up lore-wise, go ahead! Here's the story.



Book One







Written by: Zerachia

Chapter One


The carriage slowly bumped along, making its way down the meandering path to the outskirts of Ragni. These carriages were hired by the Fruman queen specifically for the business, and this particular driver had been bringing recruits for six years.

The carriage driver grinded slowly to a stop, upsetting a worm in the dirt who dug back under the safety of the soil. Four guards stopped him, holding spears to the carriage horse. The horse neighed, and bucked upwards, shaking the carriage. The four other guards made their way out of niches in the stone and the eight surrounded the carriage.

“Halt here, carriage of Fruma! Speak your name and purpose!” one of the guards ordered, who had an ivory horn hung on his belt, said. Wearing hard iron armor painted red and g old, he was clearly the captain by the emblazoned GC on his right arm, for Gate Captain. He tensed as the door opened, and a girl of about 15 walked out, yawning. “No need to aim your spears at me, I won’t bite,” she said, tossing her bow and dagger on the ground lazily. The captain rolled his eyes. He’d seen lots of apathetic warriors in his time. They usually die within their first three years. The guards relaxed but still kept a tight grip on their spears, waiting for their question to be answered.

“I am a Fruman carriage driver, hired specifically by the queen. I bring this recruit from Fruma to aid the war effort in Wynn,” the carriage driver said.

“Will you consent to a rapid search of your carriage for safety? We cannot allow any unchecked transport within the province,” the captain asked. The carriage driver nodded and gestured to the carriage. The guards went in and overturned cushions, flipping them back up when they found nothing, and knocked on panels to find hidden compartments or stashes of weapons. They found nothing, and the guards exited the carriage, leaving it only slightly worse for wear.

“You may pass,” the captain drew the small horn from his belt and blew on it, creating a soft, round sound. Gears hidden within hard stone began to crank and give off a huge noise that seemed to fill the valley and echo around. Birds flew squawking from perches in the trees, and flew off to find less noisy areas.

The girl stopped mid-yawn and stared in shock. Plains went as far as the eye could see, bordered by majestic snowy mountains outlined against the faint blue sky. In the distance, the tall spires of a city rose, and golden-red flags flapped in the wind. The city walls faded off into the ground of a pale blue of distance. It would be the city of Ragni, where all the new recruits of Wynn would go. She wasn’t focused on the city though.

“Raise your weapons,” she said quietly to the guards. The guards looked at her in confusion. “I said raise your weapons!” she shouted, snatching her bow off the ground and nocking an arrow. She tensed, and released.

The arrow flew, and as she let it go, she began chanting in an arcane language. She finished, and the arrow instantly burst into blue flames. Just at that moment, a person leapt over the crest of a hill. He snatched the arrow out of the air and snapped it with one swift movement. He continued to sprint down the hill, intent upon the carriage like a rabbit fleeing from a wolf.

“Ready your weapons now!” the girl shouted again. “Something more sinister than a boy is coming down that hill!”

The guards raised their weapons, just as a horde of dead creatures, as if out of a nightmare, rose from the crest of a hill. Four archers of the guards shot down a couple, but the carriage driver froze. The girl gave him a push. “Go! Leave here at once and head back to any outpost, the city of you can!” The girl snatched her dagger and sliced the fastenings off of the horses. The rider leapt on without question, and immediately went around a fork in the road, heading the long way along to Ragni.

The boy stumbled into the gates, and fell down at the girl’s feet. She went on her knees and touched two fingers on his neck.

“He has a pulse. Put him in the carriage, and don’t let anybody touch him,” she said, and one of the guards nodded. The captain stared at her quizzically. “Who are you?”

The girl grinned jauntily. “My name is Sage. I’m an adventurer.”

























Chapter Two


Five hours later, Sage sat on a chestnut-colored horse, holding the boy from falling off the horse. The boy stirred slightly as the horse trotted over a bump in the road, and groaned. Sage looked at him curiously, stashing her bow down into the saddlebag of the horse.

“Good morning!” she said cheerfully. “Well, more of good evening. It’s about seven at night.” Even in his groggy state, her spirit appalled him.

“Who are you? And what happened?” he asked. The girl looked at him in amusement, and kept riding. “I’ll tell you when we get to Ragni,” she said.


A couple of hours later, Sage and the boy dismounted along with their company of three guards. A grim guard greeted them at the gate, and motioned for hidden guards at the crest of the gate to open the gates.

“I heard what happened,” the gate guard said. “Go in and see the king. He will want to hear.” Sage nodded, and the guards went in with them, although once they entered Ragni, they left to the barracks.

They walked in silence down the lane to the king’s castle. When they arrived to the palace, the king sat in his throne and looked down at them with bleary eyes.

The king was old, dressed in lavish purple robes, decorated with gold traces and veins. But his face was lined and old. His was a face that many problems and hardships had lined before its age. It was sad to see it, but here they were.

“I heard before you got here what happened,” the king murmurs. “Yet how it happened is what I need to know. Explain.”

“Sire, I am a recruit from Fruma. My name is Sage. I was traveling by carriage to Ragni to see you, but at the gates of the city, from Ragni came a boy on foot, running as if a demon was at his heels. Then a great horde of zombies appeared over the crest of a hill, and the fight began. Two-… two guards were lost in the battle, one injured. The rest are safe.”

“I see… and who is this boy I see before me? Might it be the very same boy who was with the horde?” the king asked.

“I am, my lord,” he replied.

“Fara! Come, give these weary travelers homes in the city center, and ask the villagers to spare a bit of food or two for them. Their luggage would’ve been in the carriage. And might I ask, young boy, where do you hail from?”

The boy replied as a woman appeared from behind a covered door. “I am a wanderer. I recently came to Ragni looking for work, and crossed the gates of Fruma. But three days in, I was ambushed by the horde, and came across Sage and her guard. I passed out from weariness and they carried me here, when I woke up.”

“Good. Now go with Fara and she’ll lead you to the houses in the center. Don’t worry about the previous owners, they’ve agreed to leave their houses for short periods of time at any notice,” the king said.

They got up and the maiden who must be Fara leads us out, and into the city. It’s a warm evening, but lit by an eerie golden-orange light. It’s almost frightening, but it seems like the lights from the streetlamps. Sage looks up at the stars. It’s beautiful and blazing bright, but something catches her eye. It’s… fire. Fire in Ragni!



Chapter Three


Fara sprinted towards a well near the fire where people were bucket brigading madly, trying to put out the fires that threatened to engulf the fort. Sage and the boy ran after her as well, and snatched buckets off the ground and helped lower them down into the water. This took time, and every second was a wasted opportunity.

Eight hours, fourteen buckets, and over fifteen injured, the last fire was put out as dawn touched the tips of the horizon with her rosy fingers. Sage collapsed on the ground, worn, and the boy went down along with her.

“How many buildings destroyed?” asked a guard that came up to them. He was soot-stained and his armor was melted in places, but he looked unscathed. However, alongside him was a man with a long, large burn down his torso, exposed by his shirt that had been burned away by the flames.

“About six,” Sage said. “Including the upper level of the bank where the owner lived, seven. But that can be repaired. What I’m more concerned about is the damage to the spirit of the people, and the people actually injured.”

The guard nodded, and the man groaned. “If you feel up to it, help me find any injured and bring them to the center. We’re sending them to the castle infirmary until they recover. I’m taking this one.”

Sage nodded, and rose to her feet. The boy just sat there, and Sage looked down at him. “Come on! Aren’t you going to help?” She tapped her foot, and then heard his breathing change.

She crouched down, and looked closer. She chuckled, noticing that he was asleep. “Well, it’s going to be expected. I’ll just go.” She stood and began to look, sweeping people up and bringing them into Ragni Fort’s infirmary.


Later, the boy woke with a start and looked around in confusion. There was a small fire going in front of him, and a girl with her back to him was there.

“It’s Sage, right?” he asked. The girl turned, and she smiled, a silhouette against the fire. “Yes, it’s me. I remembered, I never asked you your name. What is it?”

“Avery,” the boy replied. “I’m from Elkurn originally, but I’m one of the Rangers that roam across Wynn.” Avery scooted closer to the fire and warmed his hands. A pot was boiling there filled with oatmeal. “What time is it?”

Sage squinted and looked up at the sky. “Roundabout seven in the morning, by my reckoning. I don’t have a clock or a watch on me now though.” She returned her attention to the pot. “If you want to make yourself useful, go get me two bowls and spoons. And some sugar would help.” Avery nodded, and went off to find the utensils.


As he walked down the roads through Ragni, he looked around. Some soldiers were putting up wood frames to rebuild the burnt houses, or attempting to reuse the wood that seemed salvageable. There were some women helping, but most were tending to fires burning around the courtyard and drawing water to extinguish the last embers. He made it to the kitchens along the main street, and the cook looked at him suspiciously.

“You’ll bring these back, alright? I’m only giving you my tin ones, because I don’t trust little street rats,” he said. He was a portly man, dressed in a white apron stained with food. A decent-sized beard grew on his face, although it was well tended and combed.

Avery nodded, and took the proffered bowls and a handful of sugar. He opened the door and a horse flew by him as if riding on the coattails of the wind. He flinched hard, but by that time, the white horse was already gone. He stared after it a moment, muttered a curse, and walked on.

“Welcome back,” Sage said when he arrived. “You have the bowls? Ah, thanks.” She spooned the oatmeal into the bowls, and sprinkled a bit of sugar into each, mixing it in. “This ought to taste passable. Honestly, cooking was never my forte. I’m more of a hunter, but I can manage oatmeal.”

“It tastes fine,” Avery said. He was, by nature, a quiet boy, who helped out and spoke only when he needed to usually. Some of the other boys with the Wanderers sometimes teased him about it, but he just brushed it off.

“I saw a horse dash off like lightning. Seemed to be headed to the Fort,” Sage commented, peering off in the direction that the horse must have gone. “It seems like there’s one calamity after another.”

A woman hurried up to them, and they recognized her as Fara, the maiden assigned to give them housing before the fire. “Good morning. I still need to show you to your houses, so if you’ll come with me. Bring your oatmeal if you wish,” she said.

“We can’t take houses! Six of them have already been burned down!” Sage said indignantly. Fara smiled slightly. “Not to worry. We have those people who lived there moved to the spare rooms in the Fort. If you will follow me please,” Fara replied. Avery and Sage stood, and followed the woman along the streets to a pleasant little house along a side road.

“It’s small, but it’s a nice house. I can see why the owners bought it. Now, you’ll find that food is in the cellar down there,” Fara said, gesturing down a small trapdoor dug into the ground. “And the bedroom is upstairs. If you have any questions, feel free to ring for me. I stay in the Fort, just ask a guard to send for me.” Avery nodded, and Sage opened the door to the house. The sweet scent of wood smoke emitted from the fireplace, and she shut the door after Avery entered.

“It’s nice. I’ll go explore upstairs,” she said, and ran lightly up the steps. Avery went into the kitchen, and something brushed up against his leg. He jumped and looked down. He heard a meow, and realized that it was a little grey cat. A note was attached to the pretty blue collar.

This is Avery. She’s a small kitten, and very sociable. If she’s any bother to you, we’ll take her to the Fort with us, but she’s a little attached to the home, if you know what I mean. If you’re good with it, she’ll be staying home unless you need us to take her. Thank you, James and Aliana

Avery smiled, and scooped up the cat into his arms. “You have the same name as I do Avery! I like you. I’ll ask Sage if we can keep you here,” he said, and he heard someone call from upstairs. “What?” he shouted up.

“Come check this out!” Sage said from upstairs.

 

Okay where is my english word book. It would become really handy to find some of your writing errors.

 

Might need to work a bit on grammar/spelling.

 

I know, I know. I'm pretty good at grammar and spelling I like to think, but I do need some work still. If you all could help me in all you want to perfect this book, that would be amazing <3

 

I feel that the usage of two hours later and all that is a little repetitive. First of all, how would the characters know the time? They don't have a clock...

 

Then what is second of all? LOL

 

what

 

confusion 10X

 

He did say "first of all". That means that hes gonna say somethin else

 

No, the characters don't have clocks, but this is from a narrator's perspective, not the actual people. So they don't know the time, but I can say "A couple hours later," because the narrator knows that.

 

Oh wait theres a narrator sorry I didnt pay attention... But using specific time seems a bit strange, it doesn't fit the tone of the story.

 

Okay, but how do people know that they've been recruited by Wynn? This sending over of soldiers seems to be a government sanctioned thing by both parties (Fruma and Wynn), so why should the recruits hire a carriage driver? Shouldn't this transport be provided by one of the two governments? The first sentence implies that the people who transport the new recruits are just any random people from Fruma. Why would the Fruman Queen let commoners see Wynn?
It's kinda boring to just tell us that Fruman carriage drivers have been doing this for years. Why don't you say something like 'His (the caravan driver) father had been working this job as long as he (the caravan driver - why don't we give him a name? Let's call him Tim) ('as long as Tim') could remember, and his father's father, too. This would effectively imply the same thing while also being (imo) more interesting to read.

Again, could be more interesting (imo).
How about 'the caravan grinded to a halt in front of a massive, weathered gate.'

We could show more. Are the guards wearing armour? Do they carry weapons aside from the spears? Describe where they came from. Are they hanging by the gate? Did they come out of niches in the mountain like the other guards you mention?

*said one of the guards.

Okay, this question never gets answered. Sage comes out of the wagon, says 'calm down' and they then search the wagon. The question (which seems to have been directed at the caravan driver) has never been fully addressed.

Emblazoned, where, exactly? On his arm? Helm?
Why is he the Wynn captain? Isn't he just a soldier of the army of Ragni? What about Troms, which has it's own king? There are (seemingly) lots of different governments/types in the province of Wynn. 'Wynn Captain' is just too big of a generalization.

What?
Why is she saying this?
She's fine. She's fine from what??

Why would they do this? How do they know that there aren't any more people in the caravan (other than the driver and Sage)? If someone, say, jumped out of the caravan and knifed the captain in the eye, what would the other soldiers do? Their captain would be dead because of their own idiocy. Why have they lowered their spears?

Why do they want to search the carriage? What are they looking for? There is honestly no reason to tell us right here but at the end of chapter two we still don't know what they were looking for. Perhaps some dialogue at the end of this paragraph indicating what the soldiers were looking for?

(imo) could be a bit more dramatic.

This is the same guy? It's never explained how he gets from a hill (fairly) far away to the gates. Does no one see this?

Why would she do this? She's in the middle of battle, don't you think she would be more concerned with self-preservation, helping the guards, and killing the monsters than this boy? This should have been done after the battle. Come to think of it, we're never told how the battle ends. The boy stumbles towards Sage, she tells the soldiers to put the boy on the cart because he's still alive and then...? 5 hours later Sage is fine. What happened?

'shambling zombies,' maybe? Something more descriptive than 'monsters.'
Okay, so how do monsters get on this side of Ragni? This implies that they've gone through Ragni (as it is the only way to get thorugh the Ragni outskirts/starting area) and through the mines. Full of soldiers. How is Ragni not overrun with undead in this situation? (although to be fair there are zombies in the mines.. which are before Ragni.. that's never explained, is it? There's no way that the zombies have come from Fruma, or else we'd see them come from there, plus, Fruma closed its gates as soon as Wynn brought upon itself the corruption (and undead)).

That's it?? One of the greatest cities in Wynn, relegated to 'the tall spires of (Ragni) rose.'

ok

*aimed her bow at something
Okay so a few minutes before she sets her weapons on the ground and now she's got an arrow nocked? How? It's like the bow teleported into her hand. It's never explained. Give us a sentence of her picking up her bow or something.
Anyhow that's it for now, I'll do the second chapter a bit later.

 

@Poiu429 thanks for the suggestions I will certainly take them into account. Keep in mind that this is really just the draft, basically just the bare-bones basics. But I do like your suggestions.

 

In my opinion, I don't really like Sage's personality, unless she's just groggy from sleep then that would make sense. But how is she still an adventurer when she doesn't even care about her weapons or her actual adventure? Her flippant response to the guards kinda says she doesn't really care much about the adventure, but as said before, she might just be sleepy.

Maybe more detail could be added about this. How was he sitting? What did his throne look like? In what way did he look down on them? Sleepily? In boredom? Lazily?

How would people from Fruma know about Qira? I'm not sure, but isn't there a thing in the Wynncraft lore that says that they forget stuff when they leave Fruma? There's not really a way for people to bring back tales to tell because they can't come back.

Perhaps it would be better to let the readers know this in the previous chapter when they were fighting the monsters.

You never told the audience that Sage had a guard, maybe you meant "Sage and the guards"?

Didn't the whole story narrate in third person? Why is it in first person now?

Maybe you could add more suspense. Maybe like "a warm glow emitted from the houses, something wasn't normal...". In my opinion, wouldn't the king know this? He's like right in front of the house. Actually now that I think of it there's huge doors blocking the way so it could mute out the sounds.

That's all for now. Sorry if I've been to harsh. Good start.

 

@Euxis, I agree, and I just had a "Wow, how did I not notice that." when you pointed out the perspective shift -_- I'll be sure to factor that in, thanks for the suggestions!

 

Updated the suggestions, thank you so much to @Euxis and @Poiu429 for the wonderful suggestions. They really know how to improve a story. Added quite a bit of detailing to Chapter One, added Euxis' suggestions for Chapter Two, and began work on Chapter Three (although it won't be posted until the draft is complete)

 

[Edit] Added Chapter Three, if you have any suggestions, please feel free as always to look it over.

 

Minimal spelling errors and great use of imagery! (Picked that word up from ELA :D) Stellar story!

 

Thank you! <3 Working on Ch.4 Now

 

Nice story, skimmed it.

Soon I'll be reading through it all and giving you feedback, and sorry, but it's going to end up as a huge wall of text. Just a headsup.