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Lore/Story (revived) Whinton And The Evils Of The Provinces #12

Discussion in 'Your Work' started by julianthefox, Jan 11, 2018.

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  1. julianthefox

    julianthefox I am still here just as a shadow HERO

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    I decided to revive the series and it will contain DND quests

    Whinton and the evils of the provinces #12

    The Avo's temple and the first factory key​


    As Whinton is going to the avos camp in the mountains he hears footsteps coming from behind. Then he turns around to see maxie following him, then he asks maxie what are you doing here he says the avos guards might not let you in so we use a catapult, that is near the avos camp then they reached the catapult then maxie told whinton to jump on to the the catapult to get launched in to the avos camp. Then he and his hellhound went on to the catapult then maxie launched them in to the Avos camp.


    When he landed in the camp the Avos stared at him then they told him to go to their chief as they told him they've been expecting him. Then as he goes by he sees the Uth altar which he asks a Avos shaman about the shaman about it, the shaman says if you ever find a golden avia and manage to kill it, you can sacrifice one of its feathers here or at the altar in aldorei to get a Uth rune. Then he reaches the chiefs hut he enters and the avos chief says welcome i've been expecting you.


    Then he ask the avos chief about the factory key, he tells him the key is protected in the avos temple by a dragon which you must kill. Then he asks the chief how have they been expecting him and how to reach the temple, the avos chief tells him that they've been watching him fight the robots at fivegears diner and how he was wanting to finally stop the factory from creating their evil robots.Also the chief says to reach the temple there is a very big gap between them so he need to find the grand master Avos who can help then he goes higher up the mountains to find the grand master avos.


    As he reached the grand masters hut the grandmaster says welcome i've been expecting you.

    Then Whinton ask the grandmaster about getting to the Avos temple, then the grandmaster says come to the back of the house and i'll show you the way. Then whinton follows the grandmaster to the back of her house then the grandmaster says, SHOW THE PATH OF THE EARTH. Then a dirt bridge appears and whinton crosses the bridge to get into the avos temple .


    When he got across the bridge he goes up to the temple top. He sees a tier III loot chest he check for what's inside and he finds a legendary necklace for level 90-96 and some emeralds after that he jumps into the temple. As he entered he senses he and his hellhound is not alone then the statues come to life and attack them, Whinton then pulls out his hellstrand and he orders his hellhound to attack, then Whinton shoots a hellfire arrow at the living statues it kills one of the statues and his hellhound charges at them knocking them over. Then they realise there's too many of them they had to run to the door. Then they went into the next room where they climbed a plant and then they reached the final chamber of the temple.





    There they meet the guardian of the Avos factory key the temple guardian dragon. Then the dragon says YOU CAN NOT HAVE THE KEY. Then Whinton uses his alazarin to slash the dragon then the dragon bites him but his dragon hide leggings absorbed most of the damage from it, he then pulls out his hellstrand and shoots a hellfire arrow at it setting it on fire and weakening the dragon. Then he pulls out his spell book and casts a level III wind prison to trap the dragon. Then he pulls out his phoenix wing and knocks the dragon in to the wall and it died. It dropped the key then he leaves the temple through the black hole thing. Then as he leaves the temple he hears a very loud explosion from corkus city so he returns to the city to investigate.
     
  2. HalfCat_

    HalfCat_ Supporter of Catania GM Builder

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    I'm sorry but this is really bad. First of all don' t use "then" 31 times in such a short text. I would advise you to never use "then". The flow of the text is completely ruined by that. Also do some descriptions of everything. This is incredibly boring to read because there are no feelings or anything happening. My advice to you is read books and try to do like them. Try to find what makes you like the books you read and then apply those things to your own writing. Also pay attention in English class :P.
     
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