Bullshit Your Way To Victory: The Revival

I kill a bunch of high level mobs and offer infinite unid'd stratiformises for the city. [pending]

 

I'M A UNICORN FUCK YALL

 

she's beat us all. let's go home

 

Ye u better do that

 

welp we lost
gg

 

I carry unicorn antivenom at all times to ward off the despicable amount of rainbows sunshine and happiness congregating around you. I kill you with my negativity. Mine.

 

getting rid of rainbows is homophobic
you don't deserve the city so you are forced to abdicate it to me

 

your possession of the city is incoviencing me, an apache attack helicopter, you you are forced to give it to me

 

helicopters are property, they cannot own property like us real humans. you exist to serve us

 

um that's offENSIVE APACHE ATTACK HELICOPTERS ARE A GENDER YOU FUCKING PIG

i shoot you for not recognising my gender
mine

 

I gather an army of hyper-conservative rednecks and storm the castle. They kill you for not following their beliefs. I proceed to hang everyone that could even contest my rule (especially the rednecks) and take my place as king of the city, ruling through fear.

 

i respawn and sneak into the city, under cover of box.
i sneak up behind you and shoot you point blank, killing you instantly.
the people praise me for freeing them.
i become president of the city
mine

 

I run as president against you, promising lasting peace. I, of course, am destined to lose because lasting peace is bullshit here. So instead i covertly start a series of riots and blame them on you. People, realizing you are causing violence, band together to make me president. I fulfill my promise of lasting peace by killing them all. Mine.

 

cool.
as you killed them all, no one is there to protect the president.
i shoot you from afar with a sniper rifle.
you die before you know what happens.
mine.

 

You fail to realize its a duplicate and i bash your head in from behind with a whacky-stick

 

but you didnt say mine.
i say mine.
the city is mine now.
shoo.

 

Based on the concept of assumed claiming, mine.

 

woops i tripped and stabbed you
oh well mine

 

Oops i tripped and the knife missed me. Pesky tripwire.

 

woops I also tripped over the tripwire and stabbed you
oh well the city is mine