Serious Feeling... Depression...

So...
It's... been a while since I've posted here...
had some stuff to do... life to live...
but I'm here again... I guess...
but then when I see this place...
see how it is now and then look back at how it used to be...
I get depressed...
This place... it used to be a fun place for me... I'd come here and feel happy to be in this community...
but now...
the place...
it just feels wrong...
I remember the good days... anyone here remember when I was that muscle flexing dude in the shoutbox? Or when the shoutbox was filled with nothing but Smash Bros talk?
Yeah... I didn't think so...
This place has changed so much... I barely recognise it anymore...
And it makes me sad...
The forums have devolved... into this place where paranoid gay role-players get triggered over the slightest thing and think everything is an attack against them... a place where childish behaviour is condoned and sensibility and logic are condemned...
at least that's how I see it...
It just really upsets me... there used to be so many cool people in the forums...
but they're all gone now...
and to come back here and see that all the things that made this place enjoyable are gone... and just when I needed this place most again...
it upsets me...
I came back here after some stuff happened... I needed to find my happy place and thought this would be it...
but it can't be anymore...
but I want it to be...
You see... real life can be a real burden sometimes... and it makes a lot of people just want to dive into another world where they can live another life...
and that's what I wanted...
I hate real life so much right now... tried to end it all...
But... despite all my depression... I know that's not the answer...
So I came back here... hoping to find the answer...
I guess I should explain what's happened...
Well... it all started with school...
I'd never really liked school... all that stress... anxiety... bullying...
Yeah... most of you have probably gone through school too and think "it's not that bad"
But it was for me...
I just couldn't handle it...
The expectations of school... do study... get good marks... all of that just got to me...
I didn't have the focus or concentration... I couldn't keep my mind on track...
I failed miserably at everything...
My parents were obviously really disappointed... and so was I... since I'd let them down...
I know school isn't free and I felt awful that I'd both wasted their money and failed their expectations when all they asked of me was to get good grades...
They didn't yell... they didn't hit...
Instead they did something worse...
They talked to me very quietly...
and that scared me more than if they'd gone all out and screamed at me...
and I know that they're mad at me because my life has gotten ten times more difficult since then...
My responsibilities just piled up...
I've been told to clean... cook... wash... everything... and when I ask why they make me do everything now... they just say "if you didn't want to do it all you should have studied harder. You won't be a job any time soon so you should help around the house in any way you can"
And that just hurts even more...
It wasn't my fault that I couldn't focus in school... with all the bullying and abuse from people around me...
But my parents don't believe any of that has an effect on studying... they just say to keep your head down and focus on the paper...
yeah... that definitely worked...
and now my life at home is just as bad as it was at school...
This might be weird but I just wish they'd shout at me now and get it out...
but they won't... they just talk quietly... and it's even scarier because instead of letting it all out and facing it now... well... I have to live with the dread of knowing that their anger at me is building up... and I'm scared for the day that it's finally released... and I know the day will come one day...
And that's why I've come back here...
I really feel and trust that as long as I can feel at home again here... I'll be able to cope with my day to day real life...
I guess it's embarrassing that I used to feel more at home here than I actually feel when I'm at home...
Most of you reading this... if anyone is reading this... probably won't care... will probably think I'm just looking for attention... and that's fine... I just would love a little support to feel welcomed back... so that I can feel like this place is my home and haven again...
Hi... I'm Seum... and I'm back...​

 

you'll always be the muscle dude

 

Given your previous behaviour I have no idea if this is serious or if you are just acting as usual and being a jokester.

But just in case. In case you need it later.

It will get better. I assure you.

 

wow seum i cant believe this get well soon i hope we can still be friends babe

ps i like you a lot XD

 

flex with me

 

ive never seen this so i have no opinion

although what your parents tell you what to do they really do care for you and they probably couldnt stand it if something happened to you. About the grades in school, don't stress about it too much, if you are like "i cant learn this its so confusing im going to fail" then you freak out and spend more time worrying than studying. If you are like "This is difficult but i will practice" it gives it a better outlook and when it comes to the test you will have more self confidence, resulting in a better grade

You should talk to your friends/talk to parents and see if you can hang out w/ them more, It would build a better relationship with them and the people around you will make you realize that you have a great life. Although I don't know you much, you have probably positively effected MANY peoples lives, even though it may feel like you haven't. You are a great person who can achieve great things, just have a positive outlook.

 

that's where you're wrong kiddo, wynncraft is literally tumblr in minecraft

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

wow i think that is very not nice what if this man is going through hard life problem and he read your thing that no one believe him so he become sad and maybe kill himself ! i know family that this happen to so please be careful !!!

 

Rather disrespectful, that.

 

yes and yes
back when I joined, when I was a nobody I looked up to you. you were part of the cool guys in the sb, you were always funny or playing smash.
you were one of the reasons I wanted to grow in this community

I would love for the old forums to be back, they helped me when I was in a rough patch in my life and I wish we could do the same for you.

 

I'm going to be killed when I say this but...

<--- When I read your whole message and saw this I kind of laughed, just the matter of how I read such a serious message (which I should be taking more serious) then unexpectedly seeing THAT cracked me up.

Sorry. In serious though, I hope your situation gets better. Nothing I can do but to make sure you feel welcomed here because I'd be depressed if I was in your situation.

 

Hope your situation improves. I am new here, so can't relate to what Wynncraft used to be like, but I have played games before, you leave it, come back, and its horribly worse than you remember. Maybe you should look for a guild of like minded people. My guild would probably appreciate someone like you.