Lore/Story The Helplessness Of Being Invisible

I used to talk with people, having fun, sharing ideas, thoughts and jokes. Other people didn't like me, I ended up thinking I didn't like them that much anyway, trying to hide my feelings behind a poker face. They didn't want to hang out, they were busy. They didn't text me back, they probably forgot. They sounded mad, it probably wasn't because of me. They were yelling, they just felt frustrated, right? Right?

It wasn't my fault. Right?

I sat alone. Questioned less and ignored more. Didn't say a single word outloud, nobody noticed this sudden change. Nobody asked if something happened.

They just were too busy, right?

I couldn't stay like this, I didn't want to be alone, I tried to talk again. They didn't even look at me. It was like they didn't hear me when I asked them how they were. Am I invisible? Can they even see me?

I can be seen, right?

I overheard a laugh from one of the groups. I tried to listen to what was so funny, but I only heard them talking about how I cried like a baby in class. I am seen. I am noticed. I thought I hid it. They are ignoring my tries to communicate with them.

They wouldn't do that, right?

I found a person, he talked back to me. I forgot how that fell.
But he said he doesn't like talking. I saw him laughing and talking with other people, but I guess it only applies to me.

One person ignoring me, whatever.
The whole class ignoring me, whatever.
My family, I don't care anymore.

Let's try my last safe space.

I wrote a poem, shared my art. No replies, no comments. Noone liked it, I guess. They just didn't see it though, right? It got lost in the system, right?

"Why are you posting this again?"

It's better than silence, but hurts the same.

Okay, let's try again. Maybe if I try to talk with internet people I kind of know and not strangers, it might work.

I tried an artist community.

Silence.

Somebody else posted and everyone from the group started writing.
They just didn't feel like typing, they were busy, they don't like me, it wasn't good enough for a reaction, right? Right?

I feel helpless.

"Don't self-pity yourself you idiot."

I heard you mind, but I can't.

I am invisible.

"You just suck."

I am worthless.

"Yes you are."

I can't.

"...draw, write, play, exist, talk, dress, look good..."

I won't.

"exist"

Should I?

"No."

------------------------------------------------------------

I didn't make a whole shitty self-pitying bad post on the internet again, right?

I didn't want to apologise for everything again, right?

I am totally okay, right?

I didn't feel terrible and everything I don't want to write out, because it would maybe be too much and disturbing, right?

I had to get this out, I am used to being ignored so do that, if you want...

 

It`s alright man. Most people in schools are cucks anyway

 

but like... even my brother AND my mum ignore every.single.word. I say.

I'm talking, ask a question. Silence. I ask it again 2 or 3 times. Wait. Ask if they heard the question. "What question"

people talk with me only when they want something. never nothing else.

I feel like everyone hates me and ignores me because I did something.

I don't want this life. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry. I'm so frustrated. I feel weak. I'm sorry.


I'll probs have to delete this... idk

 

dont worry, dororo and i know how you feel mostly

 

Maby you`re to quiet. I doubt that evryone hates you

 

Before this becomes a necro...
Speak up. Let your voice be heard. Don't be the quiet guy in the corner, be the outspoken guy on stage. Don't let helplessness overtake you, turn your life around. You are the only one who can do that.

 

Dont kill youself, it aint the answer (I know someone who said something similar and literally ate cyanide)

Once you're out of school and have a good paying job, you can live the way you want and hang around people you would prefer to be around, rather than people who ignore you.

Also they'll probably start texting you once they realize that they miss you

________________________________

And I bet you were never depressed....

 

How many funerals have you been to?

 

Quite a few, but I have never thought someone who could easily say

if they have actually felt depressed, because they would probably know that isn't how to works when you're going through said emotions

 

What worked for me is putting my fears at ease. The only way he can do that is to make his voice louder.

 

That is a completely different depression than what this guy is going through.

I've been through a depression where people didn't acknowledge I'm equal, as in my parents demanded respect but didnt give me any, same with my teacher. I would ask a question at the dinner table, distinctively seconds before someone else talks and they would reply to the other person. I would even try to be more clear, but nah they didnt care about my opinion. This one time they went the extra kilometer and said "Yeah no one cares about your topic right now". I refused what someone asked me one time and I got in trouble because I wasn't listening to my parents.

Anyways, guide on how to get out of depression: Do what they want you to do, as long as it isn't ill will. If they dont want you to talk, go the extra mile and ignore them. They'll eventually give up. If they tell you to do something, tell them they can do it them self and they will. Then you wont need to fell depressed because the tables are turned, annd if they feel depressed, you shouldn't feel bad.

I told my sister once that she is the literally reason I wanted to kill myself (At the time I hated her for how she acted) and she was crying the rest of the day, and I could not feel bad because it is literally what she did to me. She tried making me depressed.

Holy shit that was wy too much writing

 

This should help, if your havent seen it:

It made me tear up a lot, so hope it helps you.
Also, read the top comment by the animation creator, it says something very important.

 

You got the stone mask!