quests summed up poorly

+1

 

This thread is genius

(Old) A Confused Farmer:
1. Go there
2. Come back
3. Go back there
4. Come back here

 

From the Bottom:
Some random NPC: Oh, u have "troll hair"? I simply must have that "troll hair". I just love bathing in smelling "troll hair"!
I'mma give you this super dangerous egg which can hatch into something which is as bad as that one dragon which has terrorized our town. I just kept this egg on my person rather than destroying it or locking it up because why not! Now, gimme that "troll hair".

Another useless NPC: Oh hey, how about you give me that egg which could make you master of all you survey in exchange for this pretty green cap! Trust me, it's extremely rare and totally a fair trade!
Psyche! Now I'M going to use this egg to conquer the world! What, you think you should try to stop me? Nah, run along now and give that cap to someone else in exchange for something you don't care about!

Some Guy Who's Name is Almost Rodoroc: Yo, gimme that cap because I want it. In exchange for this worthless green cap, I'll give you the dairy of a legendary hero from your own province! Trust me, it's the real deal, I got it from some lunatic in exchange for some nuts.

Another Fool: Yo, give me that book, that you just found. I'll give you the claw of a fire demon in exchange for it!
I should do something with that claw? Nah, knowledge is power, yo, now gimme that book!

Why Are You Giving This Guy A Demon's Claw: Hey there, friend. I want the claw of a fire demon for "research" purposes. I'll give you a feather from this random bird that has a cool title! Fair trade, amirite?

Finally Someone Useful: Yo, I need that to cure my father! Here, have this meteor star dust or whatever the heck it is.

Why Are You Reading These: Hey buddy, gimme that stardust and I'll give you the amulet of a demon-or-something-worse!
Why are so many demonic artifacts going around this market? You ask too many questions! Now hurry up and finish your quest!

Literally The Devil: Hey there mortal. I'm literally a demon, and I've told you that I am, so why don't you just hand over my old amulet? Why do I want it? Uuuuh, "nostalgia", yeah. That's it.
Here you go, have the horn of a god.

The First Guy: GIMME THAT ELVEN GOD HORN BRO!
Equivalent exchange? Lol, I don't have anything worth that much. Here, take some emeralds which are the only thing you can actually use!
Oh yeah, and let me fill up your inventory with some of this "troll hair".

 

Memeingful holidayy
Rendum charity lady: Yo! Go to sum rich guy near the desert hobos for no money.
Neck: Go to the rendum store and ask 4 food.
*walks*
Store dude: Nah i sold everything. Check upstairs 4 food.
*finds appul*
Neck: Go to mah greedy friend and give sum desert hobo a paper.
*gives paper*
*kills hobos*
Greedy man: Nope.
Neck: *summons portal to santa*
* breaks Laws of physic when walking on flying ice*
Santa: nope.
*teleports to rich people*
Rich man: nope.
*steals food*
Neck: sum give me ur food stuff.
*teleports to desert hobos*
Neck: GG. We got food.
*santa summons Snow on the freezing hobos*
Santa: take my boots.
[xp yay!]
[money(wut?)]
[santas boots(throws away)]

 

sayleros dead bro

syelaiefw: hi my bro is ded pls get his will 4 me
djjjdzhjjd: il rewrd u w cool dtuff
ndjdkkzb: u ned to talk to dis guy he alwys drunk

disgjyy: hi i wont say znyrjinh bc nil not drunk
jdjsjjdj: ah u got me drunk kk so go to churbch

priest asshole: hi irnedd to purify u
pristfbdkzkdek: git me a lot of ded meat im ungry
pristthfdhjej: ok u can go in

jdjznkzk'sbro: hi im ded kill me pls
[10 forms later kk]

jfisisikdfjjfjd: hi u got the will cool
jdjjkzkkekkf: here have his ashez topkek
ndnfnnfjjej: kthxbye

 

I didn't expect this thread to be this cool oml

 

my question is how you managed to do all lowercase letters for the title
here is craftmas chaos summed up


Tom: ey u ! I never seen you before but I'm gonna get u to fix craftmas 4 sulchar
Tom: no biggie just go 2 Sonta clos and go 2 da past!
*go to sonta*
Sonta: ey u do u want to go to da past just enter the fireplace lol!
Go to past
Tommy: oi go under dis place becuz that's totally safe
Kill cultists
Go to future
Old ton: ey I know you but it's too late now go kill Sonta
Kill sainta

 

Look closely at the URL, theres a space before the "q"

________________________________

You can probably blame me for that. I think I made the Dern page on the wiki.

 

then present sonta takes the corrupted stuff from you
Good job skrub, you saved craftmas

 

thousand meters under

help wanted: hello i'm a sign, go to these coords to see bill nye the science guy
[20 feet later]

secretary: go in there

[armor stand shenanigans]
bill nye: ok guys here's the deal, a shiny crystal i needed fell into the void and we gotta go get it
bill nye: we'll use this wood submarine to go into the void and retrieve the shiny crystal, what could go wrong
bill nye: also this submarine was cheap af because budget cuts so you better not scratch it
bill nye: if any of you are pussies and don't want to go along, leave now
[several people leave bc they're pussies]
bill nye: k, the rest of you go to the cheap submarine
[100 feet later]

kandon-beda: ye this is the ship's mechanic, something already fucked up so get down here
[one puzzle later]
kandon-beda: ayy thanks, now go to sleep it's gonna be a long ride

[one nap later]

olaf: ok we're at spooky island #1, go find the crystal

[oh it's just junk down here, go back to the ship]

olaf: oh shit what the hell is on the windshield, it's about to break
olaf: kill those abominations before they rek our ship
[ayy you did it]
olaf: o shet they destroyed some of the windshield
olaf: we'll have to repair it at spooky island #2, go to sleep

[another nap later]

olaf: k we're at spooky island #2, gotta repair some shit so go find stuff we can repair with
olaf: i need 5 totally-not-sand and 10 totally-not-glue
[some grinding later]
olaf: k this should do it, go take a nap while we repair

[more napping]

jester: ew who farted, totally wasn't me guys no way
jester: go close the vents before we suffocate
[wew you did it]

olaf: k we're at spooky island #3, go find the crystal
[one bridge sequence later]
handy manny: k we built the bridge
[god dammit that crystal is blue, wasted all that time]

tyrannosaurus rex: welp i guess the crystal fell into the void
handy manny: no bill nye said it hit something
tyrannosaurus rex: wait wtf is happening
handy manny: oh shit the cables are snapping
[wew cutscene]

[oh man everyone's dead but you, better explore spooky island #4]
[lots and lots of exploring and parkour later]
celsius: who tf are you
celsius: oh a human, guess those weird books were true
celsius: oh you wanna know wtf this place is
celsius: well 1000 years ago the sky isles got rekt
celsius: some shit stayed, other shit fell, and obviously we didn't stay
celsius: but for some reason we're still alive after 1000 years, guess it's void majiks or something
celsius: but now we're stuck here, bc the void fucked with us
celsius: o btw this crystal has to stay here, it's super valuable to us
celsius: but go to our scientist guy riteaid over there

riteaid: o hi you're a human how tf are you down here
riteaid: anyway we need this crystal for power
riteaid: but take the recipe for this crystal, because i guess we can just make these complex crystals
riteaid: also some platform thing came down at your crash site, that's your way out go there
riteaid: just follow this shortcut

[some parkour later]
bill nye: ayy you're back but where tf is everyone else
bill nye: o they ded, at least i don't have to pay them
bill nye: nah but really tho that rope snapped bc void majiks
bill nye: so what did you find down there
bill nye: whoa, nicefind.avi, let's send some press down there
bill nye: keep all this a secret, i can't lose more money, just take this

reward:
whoa that's a LOT of xp
WHOA THAT'S A LOT OF EMERALDS
also a necklace i guess

 

So the point your getting at is that you mess up on the lore?

Irony works in weird ways...

 

Naw I originally made the page but when I make pages they look like sh*t and I make a note for someone to fix it (cuz I dont know formatting).

So the raw info on the page came from me, but its probably been changed over time. When made the page I said theres debate on if it's a province or realm. IDK what it says now.

 

beneth the depps​

jaivr: hey kid want some money
jaivre: alrite lad all you gotta do is go thru some skull hideout thing i have for some reason and get a map to a sunken city in the middle of nowhere
jevier: o yea btw its full of mobs and shit and has a really conplicated maze thing but dont worry itll only take like 5 minutes

*a few hours later*

jervir: great u got the ma-
jaevir: WTF DID U DO TO IT
jarvin: damnit now u gotta go all the way across the ocean to fix this shit

*a few days of swimming later*

dulbin: hey wtf r u doing here
dilban: o u gotta map to that shithole huh?
dalbern: yea u know we sunk that shit because of some boots or something and it had rly spooky powers but watever
delban: just gimme like 20 stacks of emeralds ill fix it for u

*an arduous trip to the bank and back later*

dulbein: XD u know i was joking about the whole emeralds thing rite??
derlban: well thx heres ur shit good as new
dulbann: also btw its like a fuckfest of mobs down there but u know wat ull be fine
darlbrein: ok have fun

*a year later*

jarvinr: omg so u went all across the ocean and fought like 500 mobs to get the treasure??
javireer: holy shit lad alright heres ur rewar-
jareveir: lol jk bye

[+spO0ky boots]
[+some worthless key]
[+XP or something idk]

the canyin guides
​

garna: wat do u want cant u see im tryna meditate and shit?
gaena: actually theres a guy all the way on the other side of the canyon whos lost af and apparently its our problem maybe u could help him??
gane: wat r u waiting for go help him u lazy fuck

*hours of navigating the canyon later*

selec: who tf r u im blind help

*several more hours of dodging mobs and landslides later*

geanaea: its about fucking time
sulucu: ye thx
genaa: now we can assimilate our new member into the cult
suelac: ye wait wat-
geanu: ok take this bye

[+wow XP]
[+many emeralds]

 

As I often joke on build server:

Craftmas Chaos: A quest that is solely about how weird time travel is. Oh, and Santa's there too for some reason.

 

Still summed up as if it was summed up poorly. Congratulations, you just played yourself.

 

Star Thief:

treenan: YO HEY MY STAR WAS STOLEN BY A RANDOM GUY GO GET HIM HE'S IN THAT CAVE RIGHT NEXT TO ME
*goes into cave*
thief: NO I NOT GIVE STAR
*kills thief*
treenan: YAY I GOT MY STAR MUAHAHAHA

The Qira Hive:

yinsar: OOH LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE HAS FOUND THE QIRA HIVE NOW GO BEAT IT
one division later:
yunsir: YOU BEAT ONE DIVISION! HERE'S A VOUCHER!
*buys thing*
another division later:
yansor: OH WOW YOU BEAT ANOTHER DIVISION! HERE'S ANOTHER VOUCHER!
*buys another thing*
*also another division later*
yenser: WOOHOO YOU BEAT A DIVISION! HERE'S ANOTHER VOUCHER!
*buys another weird thing*
*ANOTHER DIVISION LATER*
yansar: ANOTHER VOUCHER!
*buys a thing*
*TOO MUCH DIVISIONS LATER*
yonsor: HERE'S ANOTHER VOUCHER AND YOUR ALMOST LAST ONE YET!
*kills qira*
yunsur: YOU KILLED QIRA OMG HERE'S A VOUCHER TO BUY A WEAPON!

 

@Lotem
???
Lotem: Hi i'm lotem.
Lotem: I'm going to give u a hint
Lotem: *whispers* fuck y'all peace i'mout
[looking around]
Random guy: I FOUND A FUCKING HOPPER HOLY SHIT
Other guy: u should totally post it in the ??? hunt thread lol.
Random guy: i dun think it has anything to do w/ it... but i'll do it anyway
[looking around]
Random Guy: I FOUND A CHIP THINGY!
Other guy: lol kek
[looking around]
Random Guy: I HEARD SCURRY SOUNDS WHEN I BREAK POT AND PUT EMERALD IN MAPS
Other guy: wut does this have to do w/ anything
*CUTTTTTTTTTTTT*
Salted: You really are bad at comedy are you
Lotem: Do better next time
Grian: Also don't cheat on the hunt!!1!!111
[looking around]
Random Guy: I MADE SOMETHING LOOK LIKE A PENIS AND MAGIC1!!!1!111
Other Guy: ....... k.... I'm going to leave now soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. kbai
[gathering friends]
RANDOM GUY: LETS PRESS ALL 3 AT THE SAME TIME!
Random Guy: GUD IDEA
Other guy: K lets do it
[teleported]
RANDOM GUY: WOAH COMPUTER
*Talking*
RANDOM GUY: HOLY CRAP WE STARTED ???
[walking around]
Random Guy: Why does Yahya want a black spoon
Other Guy: cause he wanna scoop dat PUS....
*CUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTT*
Salted: YOUR NOT ALLOWED TO CURSE FFS
Lotem: we have /toggle swears
Salted: ok nvmind continue
[looking around]
Random Guy: I PUT ITEMS IN THAT HOPPER WE FOUND 10 YEARS AGO AND I GOT MAGIC!!11111!
Other Guy: Dank. Now let's go through down
*Jumps down*
Random Guy: WOah i am scurred
Other guy: i think we need to make em all red thingies
*button pushing*
Random Guy: I DID MAGIC!
Other guy: k time to figure out this stupid puzzle
*Pressure plate pressing*
Random Guy: OH LOOK THE DOOR OPENED
Other guy: let's go through
*Goes through*
Random guy: FFS NOW WE HAVE TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN
other guy: ... i'm surry pls no kill me i phan
[Walking around getting items]
Random guy: k lets look for hints
*looking for hints*
other guy: DUDE PRESS F5 ONCE AND LOOK DOWN!!1!!
Random guy: kso its just a random pattern
other guy: not any other random pattern....
Random guy: A QR CODE GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Decoding]
Random guy: wtf we got so many random letters
other guy: i think it's just scrambled, and we need to unscramble em
*unscramble*
other guy: stone gold wood gold iron stone wood iron?
Random guy: WUT DA FUQ DOES THAT MEAN!
other guy: i dunno... WAIT THE MATERIALS OF THE PRESSUSRE PLATES
Random guy: EXACTLY@!!!1
*Pressure plate pressing*
Random Guy: MORE PERMISSIONS DO I GET TO /BAN LOTEM, SALTED, AND GRIAN YET?
other guy: i dun think so... i think woah...
*teleported*
Random GUy: where are we
other guy: I think we need 4 people to do this... lets get friends
[walking around for friends]
Random Guy: Hi can u help us u just need to step on things, u too RANDOM GUY
OTHER GUY: kk i help u
[DOING THE PUZZLE OVER AGAIN]
Random Guy: YAY LETS DO THE PUZZLE
[Tped]
Other guy: OPEN SESAME!
Random Guy: YOU HAVE TO PRESS THIS FUCKING SHITBAG
RANDOM GUY: NO THIS SHITBAG WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!
[pressing around]
Random Guy: FOR FUCKS SAKE ANOTHER DOOR!
Other guy: welp... time to get kracing
[walking around]
OTHER GUY: LOOK THE DIAMOND DOOR IS OPEN
Random Guy: LETS GO THROUGH
Other guy: LETS BRING THE KEY W/ ALL OF US as well.
[walking around]
Random Guy: I think we have to put our meteor shards in the hopper at the old meteor.
RANDOM GUY: LETS TRY IT OUT!
[walks]
Other Guy: OPEN SESAME!
OTHER GUY: OMG IT WORKED HOLY SHIT MAN I CRY SO MUCH
[walking in]
SCANNING FOR DANKEST MEMES
DANKEST MEMES DETECTED
WELCOME
Other guy: what the fuck....
*TPS THrough the thing*
Mehme: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU WELCOME TO MY LITTLE SHITBAG
Mehme: I has secrets in here. if you press the globes in order you get magic.
Mehme: ALSO I SUPER ALONE HELP ME
A LOT OF EMERALDS
A LOT OF XP
A LOT OF GUD ARMOR
A DANK SPOON
*DOING ??? BEYOND*
Salted: Are we recording?
GlitchedSlayer: Yes we are?
Salted: You can start now.
*RECORDING*
GlitchedSlayer: HELLO MY NAME IS GLITCHEDSLAYERANDIWILLSHOWUHOWTODOMAGICW/THE???QUESTKUGETMAPANDTHENYOUDROPINBLOODYSPIKETHENYOUCLICKBUTTONSTILLEMERALDISONDIAMONDANDREADTHENPRESSBUTTONTHENYOULEAVE. whew
*BUTTON CLICKS*
Salted: Nice one man.
Grian: Ya srsly. BUt yew need to impruv yer quality cause youbad.
GlitchedSlayer: Dun make me sad

 

FUCKING FANTASTIC VOYAGE

Relend: time to rhyme
me: fuck you and your rhymes
Reland: fine. let's go on an adventure now!
Roland: fuck i lost the map, go get it for me

[4 Minutes and 1 Lame Miniboss Later]

me: here's your map, now what
Reldn: GET ON THE FUCKING BOAT WE'RE LEAVING

Reldond: Alright so the steering wheel is broken but I managed to get us lost anyways
me: wha-
Rerernd: GO FIX IT DUMBASS

[initiate fetch quest #1]
[3 items later]

me: okay now what
Roram: GO STEER THE SHIP THROUGH HERE UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE *throws player at steering wheel*
me: DUDE WTF IDK HOW TO SAIL A FUCKING SHIP

[stupid boat sequence]

me: *comes within 17 blocks of a rock*
Elrend: WTF ARE YOU DOING YOU CRASHED *grabs steering wheel and crashes boat*
me: DUDE WHAT THE HELL YOU JUST TURNED US INTO THE COAST YOU FUCKING IDIOT

me: *survives*
me: is he dead
me: please tell me he's dead
me: he's not dead is he
me: fuck
me: sigh *jumps into shipwreck*

Roralden: DUDE USE THIS CANNON TO GET ME OUT
me: PLEASE STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THE CANNON

Elrudan: Okay so I'm hungry
me: dude I just saved your life and you can't even thank me??!
Dulrahnd: make me a stew
me: I'm not hungr-
Nelrend: MAKE ME A FUCKING STEW JACKASS

[initiate fetch quest #2]
[12 minutes and 4 items later]

me: ARE YOU HAPPY NOW
Elrudjed: no
Eljernd: it's getting dARK WE NEED SHELTER
me: WHY, THE ONLY HOSTILE THINGS HERE ARE MONKEYS
Jered: GO BREAK THAT BOULDER OR SOMETHING

[initiate fetch quest #3]
[3 items and 27 minutes later]

me: *explosions*
me: how did that actually work
Jerlden: GET IN THE FUCKING CAVE RETARD IT'S NIGHT
me: STFU I'M GOING I'M GOING
Nerund: oh there's a portal GO IN IT
me: NO WAIT STOP GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF M-

[one portal later]

Eldende: oh look another dimension
me: are you fucking serious

[one unexplained dimension later]

Reldun: okay thanks for coming with me that was fun
me: are you serious that's it
me: Relend you're a fucking idiot
me: this quest sucks
me: the xp it gives is terrible
me: the dialogue is terrible
me: the story is terrible
me: the gameplay is terrible
me: the design i- WHY ARE WE AT THE ABANDONED MINES
Reljord: okay take this pendant
Relend: out of my cave, shoo

 

Fantastic






(Voyage)