Lore/Story The World Of Drehmal - Feedback Appreciated!

So I have this huge, complex game idea, inspired by Dark Souls. I've been writing about it for quite some time and have put together a pretty interesting story (I believe, at least). However, I'm really only working on the lore and gameplay mechanics with one other person, so that's very little feedback. So please, tell me your criticisms and what I could do better to convey the story more clearly. And ask me about the lore and certain aspects if you're curious!
NOTE: The story is meant to be vague and cryptic. It's meant to resemble loss and 'how everything must end' (super edgy, I know). I can talk about the actual in-game story and what you'll be doing throughout the game if people want to see it. And sorry if it doesn't copy/paste over that well. I wrote everything in Google Docs.
Enjoy!

Spoiler: The First Era

The First Era - The Age of Creation

In the age of void, when the souls rotted in the blackness and wandered through time and space, the primal soul sprouted and grew a great oak of life and prosperity. From its roots grew the island of Primzahl, and its people, the Drehmari. The roots grew under the grand oceans and sprouted again in the East to create the Blossom. And thus, as like the first tree, created its own world called Mundi. On the other side, the West, grew a tree of an improper, unspeakable name. From its own roots grew the plains and mountains of Perditio. The Drehmari of Primzahl migrated to the new islands to seek more. The trees, the land, and the people grew greater and stronger, until the Virsohm formed under the petals of the Blossom and strived to create peace, perfection, and purity for all three islands.

The Virsohm, in its people’s own greed, created a society of masked corruption, and changed their mission of peace to a conquest of the realm. In the West, the Maelsohm was formed, to retaliate against the flawed gem that was the Virsohm. After years of war on Primzahl, the Virsohm attacked the heart of the Maelsohm, and burned its tree, and rewrote history for it to be called the Burnt. The Maelsohm became corrupt beyond comprehension and created chaos, death, and destruction wherever their enemies lie. After millennia of endless blood and war, the Great Oak, the Primal Tree, Drehmal, destroyed the realm and birthed it anew to stop the endless fighting.

Spoiler: The Second Era

The Second Era - The Age of Civilization

Drehmal split into three divine beings; Drehmal, the Creator, Virtuo, the Goddess of Purity, and Maelstrom, the God of Chaos. Drehmal settled in the core of the realm and created the Eye of Drehmal, and surrounded its grass with the Great River. Maelstrom settled in the West and created the Deserted Lands, and his home, the Hellcrags. Virtuo, with no place to go, went to the empty oceans of the East and settled deep underwater and created land around her Lake of Life, the Prospering Lands. In agreement, the three entities created mountains to separate themselves and have privacy for their peoples. Drehmal created the Drehmari, and went to rest in the Primal Caverns.

Virtuo went quiet, afraid of Maelstrom’s power. Because of this, Maelstrom defied Drehmal’s law, and began resurrecting the dead and creating horrible monstrosities to conquer the surrounding lands, and eventually the entire continent. It was only a matter of time before his empire stretched from the red plains of the Redsteps and the gorgeous bay of Bebec.

During the terrible reckoning of Mael, deep within the jungles of Merijool lied a man by the name of Drehn Mal’sohm. He united the distant tribes of the Central Lands and created an empire, by the name of Avsohm. Avsohm was composed of three specialized factions; Blue Exodus, the military and powerhouse of the empire. The Green Serpent was the second faction, and were the explorers and conquerors, and worked side by side with the Blue Exodus to defend the land and explore. The final faction, Red Dawn, was one of science and research. They also worked alongside the other factions, exploring new lands and developing new technologies to defend the empire. Avsohm grew powerful until it rivaled the strength of Maelstrom’s, but they stayed quiet and hoped for peace.

Maelstrom attacked the Kiln of Virtuo, and the armies of Mael and the Avsohm clashed, with Mael’s huge skullbeasts towering over the armies, crashing through and destroying the landscape, until all that remained was heartfelt ash and a reminder of the chaos that ensued that day. The Avsohm barely managed to defend the Kiln from its attackers. This is the turning point of the empire; after centuries of prosperity and peace, the empire began to fall into the void itself, were the world ended.

The Blue Exodus disappeared from existence, never to be seen again. Erased from history, like those who had lived in the First Era. The Green Serpents left for good, not knowing of their destiny and where their fate may lie. And the Red Dawn, seeing the end of this mighty age, disbanded and worked for Mael, creating experiments and monsters for the Godking.

Spoiler: The Third Era

The Third Era - The Age of War

Maelstrom committed great genocide on all Drehmari who hadn’t escaped to Virtuo’s gentle shores. In the East, the Drehnari, brother and sisters of the Drehmari, welcomed the lost people to their doorsteps, and thus began the order of Nobles.

The Nobles were individual, small kingdoms that spread throughout the Eastern Coast, from the Kiln of Virtuo to Nacada. The kingdoms were greatly independent and were mostly ruled by Drehnari with Drehmari as citizens or slaves. Maelstrom’s forces still lied beyond the mountains guarding their small cities, but Virtuo’s angels held them off for centuries. In the second millennia of the Third Era, an order was established to unite the kingdoms and form a second empire. Master Hovadchear of Mossfield and Master Ultva of Highfall banded together to create this great empire. It was named the Order of Insom, and had a structure of six guilds and one primary capitol to meet at.

The capitol was the great Castle Hovadchear, constructed to withhold powerful beasts, house many servants and knights, and of course have the Great Dining Hall where the guilds would meet. Upon its completion, Maelstrom struck the castle with his powerful Shades, and the most powerful knights managed to fend off his forces. This begun the Insomic Conquests, where the Order sended its great armies to explore the land and conquer what was lost, so many decades ago.

Maelstrom’s great dictatorship fell to ruin as the Order spread its power across the continent. It became larger than Avsohm and had pushed its borders across the entire realm, where the only place it had not put its flag in were the Hellcrags, and the Badlands. Of course, this was not without hardship, as Maelstrom’s forces were limitless and powerful. But once the empire had been completed, its rulers went to rest, and its people to peace.

The lords fell to madness within time, corrupted by the blackness underneath the world. They sought too much and learned too much, and their punishment was the gift of death, as stated by the Void itself. They had suffered the same fate that the Blue Exodus had; they sunk into the deep, never to be spoken of again. With this tragedy, the second empire had fallen. Maelstrom had grown tired of chaos, and Virtuo had lost her hope, as too much was poured into the Order. The land was nothing but ruin.

Spoiler: The Fourth Era

The Fourth Era - The Age of Ruin

The entire world was in ruin. Only small settlements of Drehnari and Drehmari dotted the landscape, most fearful of Maelstrom’s reside and others completely maddened by the blackness. The only hope for the land were wandering souls, those who drifted in the Void before being birthed into the realm as men and women. For they sought a task; a prophecy; a great deed where they shall be known.

It was only a matter of time before a select few people realized their common enemy. No, it wasn’t the chaotic ways of Maelstrom, nor was it corrupt greed of superpowers. It was the Void, the supporter and bedrock of the realm. It had brought all life into the world with the power of Drehmal and had brought all souls into the realm. But the Void had realized, in its maddened ways, that the world as a whole had become lost and hopeless, and sought to end its suffering.

These people, descendents of the ancient Drehn Mal’sohm, had a theory. They needed the souls of Maelstrom and Virtuo to awaken Drehmal and tell it of this horrible, untimely fate. But even that was not certain, as the being that pulled the strings behind the Void may have already seeped in, maybe even already slain Drehmal. It was only a matter of time before it was all shattered.

Here's a map of Drehmal: http://imgur.com/ObSOGw7 It's slightly outdated with a few errors. For example, I made a huge mistake with the sea names. The Eastern Sea is the Sea of Virtuo, and the Western is the Sea of Maelstrom. And if you're wondering about the names, yes, there is a very robust language I have made.

This also wouldn't have been possible without my friend @Rift. He has helped a lot.

 

Co-Loremaster here, feedback is greatly appreciated! Keeko and I have poured our hearts and souls into writing this lore (We have soooo much more in our Google Drive folder and in our heads). Hell, we've even partially created our own language for it! If you have any ideas, from small details to massive changes, we'd love to hear them :)

 

the map looks fantastic!

 

A bump to start all bumps

 

Just gonna bump this