What Is Your Best Dark Joke (dark Humor)

Guys, what is your best dark joke/dark comedy joke? and please no racism.


WARNING: This thread isnt for the light of hearted or those who get really offended


-For those who didnt read the warning, just try to take everything in, okay?

okay heres mine:
A girl goes to the bathroom with her mom. The girl looks at her mothers breast and says "mommy, when will I get one of those?".The mother replies "when you get older"

A couple of days later, she goes into the bathroom with her dad. The girl looks at her dads penis and says "daddy, when will I get one of those?". The father replies "when your mother leaves for work".



A man with down syndrome goes to the bank and says "give me your chromosomes"



how many babies does it take to paint a wall, depends on how hard you throw them

Changed the joke to get a better idea of what "dark" is, and the fact that one joke already has death or suicide

 

ow the edge

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!
(Get it... It's a death joke)

 

Welp, time to change my joke to a darker one

 

ew




10 char

 

took me a few seconds to realize the joke...

 

What part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?

Spoiler: Click for dark chortles

The wheelchair.

 

People are like drums.
They both make sounds when you hit them with sticks.

 

small child dies of petting dog

 

This thread is my best dark joke: https://forums.wynncraft.com/threads/anti-jokes.120500/

 

I dont get the joke, tell me :)

 

Obligatory zombie joke.

Q: Why did the zombie ignore all of his Facebook friends?
A: Because he was still digesting all of his followers on Twitter.

 

This is one of the best dark jokes I've ever read

Open with caution

Spoiler: so very dark

 

You've scarred me for life

 

Johnny has five apples, and he steals three from a stand. How many apples does Johnny have?
None because karma hit him like a truck. And a truck hit him like karma





A man get's suspicious of his wife and starts thinking she's cheating on him. One day he comes home from work early to try and catch them in the act, only to find his wife alone. In his guilt, he hangs himself.

Two people appear in purgatory at the same time. The first asks the second how he died. The second man says, "I froze to death." Then the second man asks how the first person died. The first person says, "I wrongfully accused my wife of cheating, and in my guilt I killed myself." The second person said, "man, if you checked the fridge we would both be alive right now."


What's the ideal weight for a lawyer? Three pounds, minus the urn

 

What do you call a black man in space? (your answer, a black man in space?) No a Astronaut you racist. (idk if this joke counts)

Whats a mexicans favorite sport? Cross Country.
















now that i think about it, these jokes arent dark, there racist, im sorry ;-; there the best jokes ive heard irl from friends.

________________________________

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."

 

Some are these are really messed up lol

 

Jesus Christ. That is the most fucked thing I've ever seen. And I've seen some pretty dank shit.
I watch Filthy Frank.

 

What's the difference between a rug and a pile of dead babies?

Spoiler: Answer

I don't have "me" time on a rug

What's worse than one dead baby stapled to a cross?

Spoiler: Answer

One dead baby stapled to 100 crossess

Thats 4chan for ya

This is worse than Human Cake, and that was hard to watch

 

If I said my best dark jokes here, not only would I be demoted, but I'd be banned immediately.

Also, something something I'm black (DARK humor).

P.S. Watch yourselves. Posting something overly crude or generally "messed up" could land you with some warning points.