Assassinate The Person Above You

I use life hax and throw you into the abyss. Same with the person below. I wynnnn

 

I use my fly hacks to fly out of the abyss, then I kindly walk with you in the park, until we get to some random kid.
Walking over to the kid, I tell you about Daniel and his white vans, then I walk over and pet his Annoying Dog. After that, a robot bear walks up to you and introduces himself as Freddy. As I blast some Undertale music loud enough for you, I then drag you over to my other friend, Sans. He shakes your hand, and gives you a free ticket to go to a concert.
We walk together to the concert, and it is a boring walk.
Finally we make it, it's a One Direction song feat Justin Bieber.

You take a look at them, and you cry out from the torture and try to shoot yourself, but I take your gun right before you pull the trigger. After the concert, One Direction wants to stay at your place, so you try to deny, but they insist on going with you. After 7 long days, you refuse to eat or drink after all that hell you walked through. Just when the band leaves your house, a dementor walks into the back door of your house and drains the happiness and the life out of you.
You killed yourself, the end.
There is no way you could've saved yourself, because cancer can kill anyone.
oh and btw dementor isn't cancer

 

I am Harry Potter, and using my super wizard skeelz I fend off the Dementor and stick my wand down your throat, killing you.

 

I MLG 360NOSCOP U then make u rage like a little baby

 

Except you missed and the bullet ricocheted and killed urself.

 

Then it collated you and everyone else on the server, and i got banned for my life

 

Lel xD the comebacks

 

Then dank memes kill us all, hail Pepe and his Doge overlord

 

Except for me, and I escape to another dimension

 

Except you didn't know that I hiked a piggyback ride on you so then when you emerged I killed you with my trolls.

 

I show your trolls a picture of Justin Bieber, killing them all from sheer ugly.
Since only you are left to fight me, I use my old bait-and-switch.
But it surprises you since you don't know redstone, even frightens you
Palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
Vomit on your sweater already, mom's spaghetti
you were allergic. :(

 

Except we arrived in the demon dimension and so I pushed you off and Satan gulped you up.

 

It was that one moment, when Satan kind of felt like doing something funny to you.
The gas built up in his stomach, building towards his rear.
He puts his butt onto your face (it's heavy!) and...
"KAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAMEEEEEEHA!"
The gigantic fart almost makes your airwaves bleed, as more rumbling is heard in Satan's stomach and he prepares another fart in your direction.
He releases,
Some brownish black liquid is seen spurting out his butt. Oddly, it smells like cats.
Black smoke comes out of his butt, which then takes shape of a giant cat which is me.
I use my claws to draw a middle finger onto your face, then I threaten to build a wall with the small loan of a million dollars my dad gave me.
"YOU'RE FIRED!"
The sudden explosion knocks you back and surprises you, and as I drone on with this wall of text, you take some pills.
Now we just have to wait for those pills to kick in...

YOU DIED!
those were cyanide pills

 

Except we were already dead- we're in hell. So while you waited for me to "die", I grabbed Satan's butt right as he was going to explode, and smooshed his butt on your face. The black smoke that made you up was sucked right up back in Satan's butt, therefore rendering you no more. Then Donald Trump came in because we left the portal open and then exorcised Satan to a deeper version of hell and carried me back in the normal realm, where then I had medical attention and then when I was all well and I voted for Donald Trump.
jkjk don't hurt pls kthx bye

 

I threw paper that's on fire at you.

 

You succeed in the assassination, but you were in a wooden house. You burn to death slowly and painfully.