Anti-jokes!

A man walks in a bar.
Another man walks into the bar.
A third man walked into the bar.

The bar broke.

 

What is red and knocks on glass?
Kid in oven.

 

Knock knock

Knock knock

Knock knock

Knock knock

BAM!

And now you need a new door good job man

 

@Dirty Dan

 

Yo momma so fat;
we're all concerned about her physical health.

What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.

What is blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.

Why did the chicken Cross the road?
-to get to the other side of the road
-maybe it was fleeing from a predator
-perhaps her tweetlings were waiting for their food which was carried by their mother
-maybe the chicken was depressed and knew what awaited it on the road, therefore she went onto it. The chicken was not hit by any vehicle and had to wait for its next opportunity to kill itself
--the chicken could not stand the pressure of being a parent and having responsibility and its tweetlings were left to die in the harsh night, being easy prey for predators such as foxes

Which group of people are mostly targeted by the police?
Criminals.

Four blonde women were travelin by car to disneyland. On the roadtrip, they saw a sign and written on it was "Disneyland, turn left".
They did turn left and had the most magical experience of their lives called Disneyland.

 

Why Americans Schools are abandoned?
Because everyone is dead.

 

What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.

Why did the girl fall of the swing?
Someone threw a fridge at her.

Why did the monkey fall off the tree?
Because it was dead.

How do you make the plumber cry?
Kill his family

 

-Dad, I have a cancer!
- finally we have something to eat.

 

What did the pig get when he was presented his food?

Bull shit

 

Why Timmy has such a great talent and passion?
His father was punishing him with phone cable.

 

The sentence does

 

Tha's a good one, but it's borderline real joke.
Be careful, or you'll get banned.

 

Why do white people go to school and black people don't?

White people have class

 

How many Scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb?




One.

 

A Irishman walks out of a bar.

 

What has five fingers and looks human?

A severed hand.

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Dave.

Dave who?

*Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.*

Hamsters are a lot like cigarettes.

They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To commit suicide.
---
Why can't the blonde dial 911?

The murderer had already chopped off her arms and legs.
---
How many idiots does it take to change a light bulb?

One. Changing light bulbs does not require any intellect whatsoever.
---
What happened when Batman and Robin got run over by a streamroller?

They both died horrible bloody deaths.

 

There's an irishman, a homosexual, and a jew sitting at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.

________________________________

A duck walks into a over 7-11 and says "Give me some Chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

 

You sir, win best joke.

 

Oh boy, what do I get?

...
Terminal Cancer.