Serious My Depression.

My Depression


Alright this is going to be Hard plz don’t judge. The past couple years have been a long hard battle. Many people I told simply didn’t care. Maybe that’s just me or how I interpreted them. Probably me. You see i'm officially diagnosed with depression. not only have multiple people not believe me multiple people have reached out to me. That is a new thing people reaching out. There's this one person quite famous on the Wynn Community called Cuddle Dragon Hoke. Hoke was the first person’s thread i posted on giving him support for his depression.

A few weeks ago I got to a low. A low so low it seemed to never end. A deep black pit of darkness forever mutilating my thoughts. What I did on that low point was a horrible decision. What I did could have not made me alive. I tried to hurt myself through electrocution. I simply stuck a metal wire in a outlet. If it had not been for the fuse I would have died. The whole power grid would have unloaded electrical energy into me. I could’ve died. I feel like a stupid person for doing that. How dumb of me to dare attempt to end my life. You are a stupid stupid person accio. YOU tried to kill yourself. YOU tried to hurt yourself. How ungrateful of me to dare risk all this work the countless people of the world upload into me every single day. And day after day these thoughts recur. Maybe they are not bad, but they are there. always lurking. Some weeks I will only have one bad day. Some weeks i’ll only have one good day, and then comes the fear

I’ve found that in my own unique way I fear myself. “We have nothing to fear other then fear itself” I fear the chemicals that create fear. I'm afraid of my brain and the chemicals it produces. Because I simply know. The next time my brain says to be sad and fear myself, I will hurt myself. Maybe i’ve only come close to hurting myself once but I’m scared I will do it again. I'm scared I will die before the ripe age of 20. I get so anxious just thinking about the future I will start to cry. Speaking of crying i come close every night. Simple fact on the nights I don't take sleep-a id I come close to crying. Cry cry cry cry myself to sleep! the great inventors of the world, when they looked into the future they saw great advances in technology. When I look into the future it’s hard for me to hope I’ll be there. That I will still be alive.

I’m sorry guys I feel like I should write more to explain to you how I really feel. I feel as if i’ve done you injustice by not writing more words. Anyways I want a shoulder to cry into. I love you all your beautiful.

 

First of all, I'm sorry. No one should have to go through this.

I have depression myself, more from a stacking of a few events in my past then a chemical imbalance.
The only reason I haven't killed myself is because a) I never found an accessible way to do it other than drowning myself, but I have hydrophobia b) I don't want to make anyone sad.

But yeah, PLEASE don't ever try and hurt yourself. I hardly even know you, but you seem like a good person. You'd leave holes in the lives of your family and friends. Trust me, those holes never fill.

If you want to talk about it (assuming you have more to say), I'm listening, and I'll support you if I can. <3

 

Thank you. It's nice to know somebody's there.

 

You know, I've tried hurting myself.
And, well, shit went down I tell you.
All that really happens is it gets worse.

Suicide is the worst though.
And it's not because you have nothing left after it,
but for a person like you...
suicide is actually pretty evil.

Just think about this.
If you kill yourself,
you show to your friends:
"I don't care. I just want my pain to go away."

So it's not doing you anything, really.

I really hate to be asking this,
but I don't understand why you're depressed.
All I really can comprehend is that you're just...
scared of fear?
I really want to understand this so I could help you more.
Thank you.

 

I really don't know what to say, but here, have a listen to this:

I personally have internet-diagnosed anxiety, and I really don't know how to talk to people
But I communicate through music, it's always been a gift of mine.
Have a listen.
A little while down the road, you'll look back and see how small this situation was
And you'll have the right to say
I lived
Thank you

 

Depression is a medical condition not a mind state brought on by events. It's a chemical imbalance just live illness is you immune system not keeping a virus in check. Its like asking a person with the flu where they got it. They have no idea, I have no idea.

 

So, if what people call their "depression" isn't depression, then what is it?

 

Thanks for that, ive heard the song before but never examined the lyrics.

 

Depression still can be triggered by events, no?

 

Its depression thats the name of the disorder. Its is a bad name. What I meant is for some people its not brought on by event however it is a mind state.

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Yes but it as a whole is not a event, multiple times I have been triggered by events.

 

Could you explain what's happening to you, though? I didn't understand in the thread.

 

I had to read this before commenting: http://psychcentral.com/lib/worst-things-to-say-to-someone-whos-depressed/

But that's besides the point...I recommend not electrocuting yourself, that would hurt, I also recommend staying alive.

 

Alright. Not like I didtn know that.

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Glad you read that. All of them are true except a few

 

I'm a doctor at this stuff, so I'll tell you why it hurts.


It hurts because of reasons.


I hope that's enough information to help you make the right choice.

 

Please try to be serious dude.

 

Surround yourself with people who care about you. The Wynncraft forums community is great for this, everybody here is nice (even the seemingly mean people). I don't have much to give in terms of advice but I will listen if you just want to talk. Also, please don't try and hurt/kill yourself.
P.S. Friendly reminder that the "Serious" tag would probably apply here

And on a completely unrelated note I love that song

 

I have depression. Many others too. You're not alone.
(And here is my favorite song:

 

We all face a moment(s) of great pain in our lives, we are all victimized by multiple emotions that tear us apart. And when you think you've reached the bottom, the floor sinks and you drop lower. How can everyone else possibly live on with these smiles? How could I be so ungrateful to the people who love and care for me, how could I betray their feelings by trying to hurt myself. Would it matter if it just ended? I smile everyday, because I fear frowning, before you crawl in bed and cry. Just smile, every day before you sleep, just smile. Smile in your warm bed, even if it's not a real smile, just smile. When you feel comfortable enough with your fake smile, share that fake smile, so that others can pull off a fake smile. And then one day you'll crawl in bed and then truly smile, you will smile, because you wanted to. And as you feel your cheeks lowering and your lips leveling, go ahead and cry, because you've earned those tears.

 

how to add it on? The serious flag

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Wow man you truly summed up my feeling. That passage was really really amazing. Like music to my ears. Thanks dude.

 

Oh and since everybody's posting songs I've got a nice one as well

"Can't think of giving up/ You don't know how much you're loved/ Keep dreaming, keep dreaming, keep dreaming/ Keep on keep believing"