Serious When Life Gives You Sour Lemons

Hey. It’s rice, here with another rant. But, no hate this time. I’m here to give basically my recent life story, with the stupid choices I’ve made, and something that I should confess with the forums and the community. There’s been something that’s been troubling me for a long time. So, if you hate me or not, read it anyways. You might learn a little more about me.

How do I start… let’s try when smashbox left. When smashbox left the shoutbox, I went along with them. I didn’t want to go at first. I still loved the shoutbox, and I knew that smashbox would always return to the shoutbox once in awhile. I still went with the smashbox anyways. But I loved the shoutbox. That place was once my home, with smashbox or not.

Times have changed since the beginning. The shoutbox has changed, and so many new people have appeared. It’s pretty easy to get well known with the community. All you have to do is speak up. With the disappearance of smashbox, so many new people have taken this as the time to shine. And because I was part of smashbox, I was being shunted to the side, since everyone left.

To be honest, right around that time, that was the middle of summer. After I was done traveling to Taiwan and Thailand. Nothing special, I just thought I should say it. But away from the forums back then was weird. It wasn’t bad, but I mean it was just weird. After I came back, I had met a ton of new forumers using the shoutbox. Trying to talk with others though, was hard, once there were a ton of conversations at once and people kept ignoring me to talk to others. I guess you could say I now truly understand the annoyingness of people who were complaining about smashbox.

In fair points, I guess I have been making recent rants for attention, but that doesn’t mean I was lying to get attention. But I won’t talk about that here.
Everyone keeps saying I’m going paranoid, but I’m really not. My rants have killed a ton of my reputation. Before, people probably knew me as that one guy on the forums who used the shoutbox a ton. Well ever since those rants have come out, I’ve lost a ton of rep, and I’m sure I’ve been ignored by some people because they think I’m a crazy liar. Well, I can’t control that. I’m sure you all have your opinions about me, but you should keep those to yourselves. I don’t need to hear them.

Recently, I’ve read a study saying that the human brain is underdeveloped, and it doesn’t fully develop until you’re 25 years old. And the last part that develops is the decision making part. I guess you could say that none of us ever make good decisions until we’re adults. Now you know why people like me make stupid decisions, I guess.

I’m a 15 year old kid with depression. Not diagnosed, but I still get suicidal thoughts and cry myself to sleep every so often. I’m living with asian parents who are paranoid about my grades and thinking that I will never be successful in life, nor manage to get in a good college. They pressure the hell out of me to keep getting better in life when I’m already doing good enough to be successful. To live that kind of life is hell, to me. So guess what I do? I go to the world of online, where people don’t give a crap and just have fun. I’ve grown too attached to this community. I don’t want it to change. I liked it better in old times, where we could all have fun and there wouldn’t be that much people being annoying. It was fun when all of us were one, happy community.

I’ve said that I’m going, again and again and again. The truth is, I’ve been pretty addicted to these forums. To be honest, when I said I was leaving for good, sometimes I lurk and don’t log in. But, after no one else was willing to stand up and say that the community pyramid was falling apart, I had to log in and post it myself. Now that’s everything out of my system, perhaps I will leave for good. Fate might drag me back again, though. I’m leaving reality to create a new reality. It’s weird, how things like this work.

Times have changed. I don’t know why for sure, but people have been turning against us. (Before I made my rant about mods thread). People had been turning against smashbox like they knew that we would be causing trouble. There’s been so much problems and I haven’t been understanding why. But now I do.

I’ve been deluding myself.

The forums has changed. It’s been changing for a long while, like life does, and I didn’t want to accept it. For better or for worse, I don’t want to accept it. There’s probably a reason why I did what I did, and made what I made. I never knew deep down, my true motivation for doing so. But I think I’ve found out. The forums is changing, and the old members who aren’t popular enough are being left behind. I don’t want that to happen. I’m being left behind as a relic, and I refused to accept it. It doesn’t mean I’ve made lies to get attention, however. I haven’t lied. I’ve been doing this to get noticed. People are rising against me, and I’ve been creating like an army to fight back against it. And not even I myself have noticed this. Maybe I myself have been catching up with the corruption. No, I haven’t said that this is all a shimmer over my head. No, there still is corruption. But maybe I’ve been getting corrupted myself as well. Maybe this is what I’ve been staying on the forums for. I need answers. And I’ve been given some. But it isn’t enough. Perhaps I’ve become too involved with the community. I’ve dragged in once innocent people to the battlelines...

I should probably confess what I’ve been. I’ve been a closed up, stubborn attention whore. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to everyone who I’ve brought into. This is all my fault...

Which leads to the whole point of the thread. Maybe gaming communities aren’t my type of thing anymore. Maybe I care too much. I honestly have lost myself in a hopeless world full of online people who usually don’t give a fuck about things like these. I can’t remember my past anymore. Maybe it’s time to move on, before I screw myself over any more. Honestly, that’s hard though. This generation of kids has evolved with the internet. It’s hard to avoid any community forum for a kid. Trying to live for the next years would be hard if I have any left in my life…

I guess you could say I’m going on a soul searching journey. Those kind of things where you’re gone for months and you look for your purpose in life. Because now, I’m losing it. I don’t know my true self anymore.

Well, can I say something, first? Please, accept people for who they are. If they’re depressed, if they’re racist, if they’re black, white, asian, whatever. One of the flaws in the community is that people aren’t accepting others anymore because of this one tiny thing. I’ve been accepted less and less because people just don’t understand my life story. Please, accept people for who they are.

~I salute you, smashbox, shoutbox, and the entire community. Farwell.~
-ごはん/飯/Rice

 

Honestly, as long as the situation resolves itself in at worst a neutral way, I'm fine with whatever happens.

 

I honestly don't know what to post here, or if I'm even supposed to say anything. Might as well say something though.

Basically, I kind of feel guilty about Smashbox leaving the forums. The reason I would always come on was because 99.99% of the time, Smashbox was hanging around, and I had people who shared my interests to talk to. Then, one day, if I recall correctly, people were complaining about how the Shoutbox was always Smash, then myself and I think Cloudaria made a few jokes about a "SB 2.0" and then... Well, that was the prelude to Neo Shoutbox. Basically, after all my friends left, I kinda became a lot less active on my forums. Why do I have this huge tendency to screw myself over? Now all I do is hang around, post next to nothing unless its an answer to a community member's question hoping to get Mod someday, and writing GM Applications that I will never submit. So Rice, I basically understand the feeling of wanting the forums to go back to the old days.

 

What's sad is that the people who possibly hate you Rice, might not even want to listen to this.

And that's just really sad.

 

Thank you Rice. I wish everyone realized how much this place has changed...

 

Remember to keep stuff civil, guys. That rule applies everywhere.

 

You mentioned that the forums are falling apart in your post, and you have every reason to believe so. In my opinion, the forums are undergoing a new beginning. Gavel is coming, there's new forum members everyday, if anything, it's an opportunity to change and try new things.

Also, @swy_ , what made you think it was cool to post "nice thread lol"? What was going through your head? Posting such insensitive responses isn't going to benefit you in any way. What was there to laugh about in this thread? Nothing. This is a serious thread and you aren't demonstrating that you can post a serious reply. Not cool, dude.

P.S: I would never exclude you in sb. Just remember that @Infinirice.

Cheers!- Robo