The UZB Hotel

Prologue: Your Journey’s End

You wander through the ruins of a fallen city. This place was once vibrant, once bursting full of life and energy.
This city has been destroyed throughout the years.
Green grass and blue sky covered by grey concrete and black clouds. Lords of the city, killing thousands on a whim. Whole worlds, whole universes brought to nothing by the whims of these terrible gods.
The city has been under siege more times than anyone could ever count, and has been destroyed twice as many times.
You shove your way, push your way through the rubble and the bodies - collapsed concrete arches tinted red by the blood of those unfortunate enough to find themselves in the city.
There are times where you can't tell where the debris stops and the bone starts.
Through fallen streets and rubble-buried plazas you wade, searching, looking.
After days - maybe it was weeks, you can't tell, someone destroyed the sun - of this hopeless pursuit, you find it.
An inexplicable field of grass and daisies within the overwhelming mass of ruin and rubble. At its centre . . . a hotel.
Three knocks and the foreboding doors swing themselves open, revealing velvet halls and velvet walls; sleek, polished dark wood every which way; threads of purest gold weaving themselves through everything.

This is the UZ Hotel.

Welcome.

 

What the Bartender Will Say:
The bartender always serves the countertop. They are there every night and every day, ready to await your order any time you wish. They are often silent, dutifully preoccupied with their unending work, but if a newcomer walks into the bar at just the right time, you may be lucky enough to hear them tell a tale.
That is, if you haven't heard it many times before.

"Once," they will tell you, the sudden rasp of their voice a subtle knife tearing through the chatter, "in the wake of the devastation left after the gods of the city last fought, a single civilian found something left in the aftermath of the carnage."

"Once," they will tell you, as all the heads in the room suddenly swivel to the countertop, "they found a miracle. A rift, spanning space, time, and gravity, reaching beyond the very narrative itself. One of the terrible tyrant gods had left it behind, unsatisfied with even its power, but the civilian knew then that it was what they had always needed.
It was the sliver of a sliver of fortune itself.
It was the hope to save them all.

The civilian, seeking peace for the city’s constantly beleaguered peoples, used the rift to make their home unchangeable throughout the constant havoc wreaked by their deific overlords, a beacon of constant respite within the terrible ever-shifting world they lived in.
They opened their newfound refuge to its people as a hotel, free for any of the innocent civilians of the broken city to take refuge in.
And you are here, in it, now, at this very moment.
The UZ hotel."

________________________________

Why UZ?
The answer, all will tell you, nobody knows.
Ask the bartender, ask the manager, ask service. Simply a twist of fate, a stroke of inspiration, they will say. Fortune weaves in the strangest ways, and the word, UZ, is one that rode upon those ephemeral currents.
It was certainly not a word from before. Certainly not one that the founder penned, either. Some things are simply such, random chance birthing masterpieces in the most unimaginable ways.

 

The UZ Hotel: Rekindled​

Your new journey starts here, with the commencement of it all:

Welcome to UZB Hotel! would you like the double room or the normal room?

 

The Figurehead
I enter the hotel. "Hello, I am the manager. Can you show me to my offices?"

 

Welcome!
I wave for you to follow me as I make my way to the elevator, tapping the button for the fifty-seventh floor.
As you can see, there is plenty of room and equipment here for all your needs, a mini cookie factory (it's broken right now sorry I need to get the bartender to fix that one.), a collection of pristine human skulls (please don't break them, their shards will be very sharp.) and most importantly, the fourth-dimensional subspace rift! I'm sure you already know what this is, it was this rift that created this hotel after all, you definitely understand what it's capable of.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy your time here in this hotel! And now, I shall take my departure.
With a nod, I retreat from the room, locking the door from the outside. I fail to mention, however, no handle is on the other end.

 

The Faithful
A man walks into the bar hotel.
The man is thin and gaunt, his steps unsteady and features weathered. Ash coats his loose coat, which he clutches to his sides with a firm, yet white-knuckled grip. He walks with precision yet unsteadiness, wary of his surroundings even as his eyes glimmer with sudden wonder at his new location. His coat flaps in the ash-streaked wind that billows out from the empty doorway, and for a moment, a crude badge is visible on his tattered shirt. A single, four-legged creature, eyes inset with tiny gleaming stones.
He walks to the bartender and sets a rusted copper coin on the table, its surface almost as beaten as himself. He whispers a phrase, soft and barely audible, as he sits down besides the countertop.
"Joseph protects."

 

A faint yelling can be heard from outside the door. Some of the patrons in the lobby turn their heads to look at the source. A tiny little figure runs in, still yelling, and proceeds to trip over the doorframe. Tiny balls of every color scatter across the floor, some shimmering, some giving off a high pitched sound. The creature scrambles to his feet and tightens its sandals, scurrying around to pick up all the marble-shaped stones and putting them into pouches attached to a bandolier across its left shoulder, which is put over what looks like a black and red Gi. With a deep sigh, it trudges to the front desk and tosses a grappling hook to climb onto the counter.
"How much for a night in the smallest room you have?" His voice is high-pitched, but not whiny.

 

The Alchemist

Three knocks and the foreboding doors swing themselves open, revealing a man of medium stature. The man is donned with a large, black coat; and clothes oversized, mismatched, and riddled with dried-up blood stains. He beelines towards a wooden bench that caught his peripheral, his relatively not-blood-stained leather satchel muffledly clinking with glass, and sits down placing his satchel on his lap.

Without a pause, he unbuckles his satchel; revealing a book, a few pencils, and three thin glass bottles filled with differing, strange solutions. His eyes dart between the contents of his satchel while he frantically mutters what almost sounds like a mantra: "Book, pencils, bottles. Book, pencils, bottles. Book, pencils..."

________________________________

Would he have caught the attention of the hotel's patrons, he would not have noticed, for his attention is fixed on quadruple-checking his items. Would the hotel's services inquire him about a "double room" or a "normal room," he would not have heard, for he appears to be deeply focused on checking his items the fifth time.

He suddenly jolts his head upwards, facing the person in front of him, who then promptly asks the same question.

"O-oh, hi. Normal room, please. Could it come supplementary with clothing of my size?"

 

(ether this had better not become uzbrpg lore)
The Fragmented

At once, smoke begins to billow from under the door, filling the lobby before coalescing into the vague, shifting shape of a human.
It "walks" (truly, it merely floats, and moves its legs unconvincingly) to the welcome desk.

"Welcome to UZB Hotel! Would you like the--"
"Double room."
A voice emanates from the cloud, pronouncing each syllable with a slightly different voice, while still trying its best not to be menacing.
Without waiting for a response, the mass of vapor begins to "walk" toward the elevator, stopping just before entering.

 

[OOC: It will not, of course, but probably still entail some big implications towards BSYWTV]

 

Do not worry, I had spare cookie factory core from some timetravel shenanigans, and repair the factory. I purchase a factory, a bank, a temple, a wizard tower, a shipment, an alchemy lab, a portal, a time machine, an antimatter condenser, a prism, and a chancemaker. I click a golden cookie and then lie down for a nap.

 

This isn't UZB only, is it? (Blue text now indicates OOC for me)

The Spirit

A tall, thin figure staggers into the hotel, passing through the solid oak doors as if they were made of smoke. Although his clothes are coated in dust, they seem less worn than they really should be. As he drags himself towards the bar, his dark cloak flaps in an unseen breeze, throwing up a faint cloud in the air around him.

"Welcome to the UZB Hotel! would you like the double room or the single room?"
"I'll... take the single. I doubt I'll be using it, though,"

The figure collapses onto a bar stool, sinking through it slightly before appearing to find his balance. He proceeds to order a drink, paying the bartender with an unrecognisable gold coin. He eyes the staff suspiciously before appearing to relax, though he still remains wary.

 

you FOOL.
you UTTER FOOL
you've FORGOTTEN ONE KEY FACT ETHER
BSYWTV IS UZBRPG CANON
don't you remember the last post made in the Backways Bar?

________________________________

no

 

Shoot i didnt know we all got cool captions
umm

 

Dw you can probably get a do-over

 

[OOC: First of all, no, that’s not true since the original Bar is not canon anymore, and second of all, if Mard is going to put a Bar character in here, this applies too
]

 

bro this is NOT cookie clicker
i press the legacy button

 

The coated man regards the newcomer with a slow, respectful glance. "Another from the city?" he asks. "Truly, He is benevolent even in the wake of such appalling horrors."

 

I wake up and come downstairs. Is everything to your liking, traveller? Sadly we have been relocated to mars of late, but we shall overcome this, through our benevolent rift.

 

He turns to the manager. "Rift? Is that how this place functions? I did not know such things were tools He employs."