Bullshit Your Way To Victory

i didnt start this, that was ether

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also um this will mean our friendship never happend

 

OK FINE
FINE
YOU KNOW WHAT
FINE



*AHEM*
The clone arrives at the present day. I wake up from my days-long coma that I've canonically been in, and see the clone looking down at me. I also notice the rather large gun it's holding. I use my Time Travel Powers to travel back in time to before I sent this clone, killing myself before I can do that, but this causes a paradox which collapses the universe.

ok?
so the universe is gone now.
hey what's that is that a big bang
yes
yes it is
*fast forward ~14 billion years*

A City, built brick by brick from the ground up. Ruling over its citizens, me. Surrounding the city, an army of immortal penguins. All the previous events of this thread, reverted.
let's do this again.

 

u know what? i am not even mad. I hereby establish that any unsanctioned attempts to completely kill me or erase me from the narrative revert the thread to this moment. With that out of the way, wanna be friends mardek? I can help u. Also i develop the power to control time from baboon poop struck by lightning

 

I send a clone into the future


Tzel, I think I'm flying solo this time. Best of luck to you, and may the greatest bullshitter win.

 

I slowly dig tunnels around the borders of the city until it becomes a floating island supported by a rocket. This rocket puts the city into orbit, while I install a massive translucent dome on top of the city to sustain everyone inside. Once in space, I attach more rockets to the edges that spin the city incredibly fast, making time twice as slow inside the city as on Earth.

 

i have no idea what you are doing, but just to spite you a lil bit, i speed up time by a factor of two. Want to be friends?

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aight no worries. I put legos in your floor as a funny

 

Unfortunately, the centripfugal force results in everything that is inside the dome being pressed against the edges so hard that the dome explodes outward, at 0.3c*. This destroys several planets. I bring the city back from its state of disorder, as a colony on Mars. The people now have near-endless loyalty to me.

 

In the words of one long lost to the weaves of time:

 

Yep.
I was prepared for this.
I make a hotel just for the corgi.
The corgi is happy and complacent.
The corgi is not hurt.


in retrospect, "if you hurt this corgi, retribution will come upon you" is actually so foreboding

 

wait is that the og corgi post no way. Anyway i feed the corgi some a5 wagyu kobe beef to which it is not allergic

 

I begin fortifying the sector of the city around the hotel, but allow you to continue to run it under supervision.

 

i create an a5 wagyu kobe beef farm next to the hotel. I give the a5 wagyu kobe beef to the corgi, and it blesses me with great harvests. Also side note, because of my role as holder of the rift, some parts of discord are canonical for me, and given one of my newest roles...

you might wanna remove that

 

Fool, you've been dead since before you made that statement!
So, I guess you're a ghost
noice

 

i am indeed a ghost. My team finishes the raid challenge and I am now revived. Anywhom I send a grootslang to elon musks house and feed the corgi his remains

 

I continue to fortify the corgi’s sector, but little changes otherwise.

 

I give my two cents.

 

[OOC: Guess what, we have an actual sister post to this now! You should check out the UZ Hotel, the in-canon explanation why some citizens of the city are still alive: https://forums.wynncraft.com/threads/the-uzb-hotel.314953/]

 

@Mardeknius the corgi is exceedingly wroth, and smites you
How dare you insult its friends

 

unfortunately, that's not canon to this thread
try again

 

Oh alright, I strike you with a large stick