Bullshit Your Way To Victory

I'm still in the city (Either one), so I create a growth ray and grow the city back to full size while you're fighting the Panic Zealot, causing you to die because you no longer have a weapon. I then install shrink ray defences around the city.

 

Jokes on you i am too low level to fight the panic zealot, and I shrink ray your defences using a mirror so they destroy themselves. Also I change my appearance so you do not know what i look like anymore

 

I still growth ray the city, and install new shrink ray defences that are impervious to shrink rays.

 

i nuke your house irl

 

After years of my friend threatening to do the same thing, I have a missile defence system that intercepts the nuke before it can reach me.

 

I bury you under 5 metric lbs of rubbish. I walk into the city and announce i have risen from the dead like Ragnar Volarus, and ready to defend them at all costs. (ragnar volarus is a person in this universe who rose from the dead)

 

Unbeknownst to you, I swapped the nuke with a perfect copy, and during your confrontation with Doomed, planted it, ready to detonate, underneath the very city square you are now entering. It goes off immediately as you step inside and blows you to bits, allowing me to take the city.

 

Luckily i replaced myself with a perfect copy, and therefore its only my copy that was killed. I dump the irradiated corpse into your bathwater. You now have cancer for 3 posts.

 

Alas, cancer cannot do much to an obsidian obelisk, and I remain almost perfectly intact due to a noticeable lack of cells.
As your body was perfectly replicated, so was its soul - and I have prepared for this moment by having removed it from your body before the explosion was able to detonate. I now use my Magic Soul Destroying Machine to rip apart all spirits with the same identical features, killing you from quite a safe distance.

 

Alas, Magic Soul Destroying Machine cannot do much to a soulless exploding rock, and I remain almost perfectly intact due to a noticeable lack of soul.

 

Hi again. It's me. Station. What the fuck is going on?

 

basically, someone tried to reset, failed, and LITERALLY nothing of importance has happened since then. This has been kinda inactive but just some normal backand forth. I am a beloved ruler of the city right now

 

Unfotunately, there is no such thing as a metric pound, so you don't actually end up burying me in anything, I was just taking a really long nap. When I wake up, I trigger the ejector plates built into literally every part of the city and fire both you and Etherweaver into the sun.

 

unfortunately the i replaced the ejector plates with dinner plates, so all that happens is a nice meal delivered to my feet

 

I predicted that as well, and poisoned the food being delivered to you. It's rock poison so it can still kill you.

 

lukily it got stepped on by accident so it is now smashed
I slip the poison into your pills

 

I... don't take any pills.
What did you put the poison into?

 

your keyboard. After typing that it is now in your fingers, and spreading up your arms to your chest. You will not be able to type very soon.Get Tzelofachaded. Gottem

 

I don't feel anything...
You must have put it in my decoy keyboard, which is rigged to explode whenever it is tampered with.

 

luckily once i put it in there, i slowed down time, ran to you, placed it next to you, and ran a safe distance away. Not only does the keyboard explode onto you, it also releases all that poison directly into your bloodstream through shrapnel. You *instantly die* (not really killing you but figure something out i guess)