Bullshit Your Way To Victory

Oh ok.
I use my superpower to turn into animals to turn into a Purrgil, travel to the Star Wars galaxy, learn Jedi Mind tricks, and travel back to this universe as a Purrgil. I then bury Joseph and give him a Funeral. The gods are so pleased with me they give me the Cassette Tape (Remember that one? Yup. I read the whole thing). I rewind back to the start of all of this, then I destroy Enderae's brain so he never creates Joseph. I then take control Pippi's clone thingy. I use my Jedi Mind tricks to take the bee whistle that belongs @Mardenknius, then I turn everyone (including everyone) who isn't already a bee into a bee, and since I control everything (since they're all bees and I have the bee whistle) I take the city and no one new can join since this is in the past,
I WIN!
I don't actually expect to win here because someone will think of something. The "I WIN" bit is just meant as a joke.

 

Though you prevent the corgi from existing, the same, due to Egbert's timeline-warping, does not apply for the poodle. Turned into an overlord even more terrible than its once-predecessor after seeing what was done to its comrade, it barks a single time and you disintegrate into dust.

 

You didn't say that you took the city... so technically it's still mine.

 

Unfortunately, due to the law a couple pages back mandating that the killer of the previous ruler become ruler in turn, the poodle quickly changes that.

 

But this is in the past, remember, so that law is null.

 

Unfortunately, Egbert screwed up your time machine, and moments afterwards, the law is passed unanimously in the city's congress, no small part due to the poodle itself.

 

Pippi's clone thingy drags me to Mardeknius's lazuraus pit and then I get revived. The time machine screw up also caused TheAckening's gun toddlers to appear and I send them out to cause chaos. You and everyone else are so busy dealing with the gun toddlers that I waltz into the city and take it without anyone noticing.

 

Unfortunately, due to my pact with Mardeknius, I cannot exist. When you forcefully reinsert me into existence, all of reality collapses under the sudden inbalance I create-and thus, the city is untaken once more.

 

The poodle destroys before that happens, so I still own the city.

 

Props to you Ely, I’ve wanted to do something like what you just did for a while
That aside
you FOOLS
YOU JUST UNWITTINGLY REVIVED ME
I, as a bee - the queen bee, in fact - tell all the other, lesser bees to attack the city. I use my Majic Wand:tm: to make all of the buildings in the city alive, and then I spread a disease throughout the buildings that alters their genetic code and makes them all allergic to bees.
All the buildings die, which result in them disintegrating. I then use the Majic Wand:tm: to turn myself back into a human, and my most loyal bee servants back into Bill Jones and Egbert. Together, we storm the city, retconning any guards who try to attack us (those who don’t get retconned trip on the faulty pavement caused by a heat wave from Egbert causing an explosion when he tried rewiring some of the wires in the city), and we reach the palace, which promptly collapses, because Egbert didn’t make it properly.
Shame. Would’ve liked to have killed you myself.

 

you fool, you buffoon, you idiot
you can't destroy... what never existed

 

I use the cassette tape before that happens and go back to before I use the cassette tape (in the future). I then ask the Gods for a Magical World Entrapment Snowglobe instead of the cassette tape. Due to this, my cassette tape disappears, but I know have a snowglobe containing the world that contains the city. So y'all are trapped in my snowglobe. It doesn't really matter who owns the city IN the world, because I own the city OUTSIDE of the world.

 

I was discreetly holding on to you when you used the cassette tape, so it teleported me back in time as well. The time that you went back to happens to be a time before carrier pidgeons went extinct, so, while you're talking to the gods, I send a carrier pidgeon toward them. You throw your cassette tape at the gods, and it seems to dissappear, but, really, my carrier pidgeon took it and gave it to me. I then go back before you asked the gods for the snowglobe, and prevent-

wait, that's a paradox
oops

Due to the paradox I just accidentally caused, the cassette tape is destroyed, and any reference to it in the last couple posts is void. I then inherit the city from my great-grandfather Egbert WOAH PLOT TWIST

 

Remember the Gods are still thanking me for burying Joseph, so they annihilate the pigeon, being all knowing except for time travel shenanigans.

 

They kill the pidgeon while it is carrying the cassette. I then catch the cassette, and the stuff that I said happens happens.
now stop messing with the past these are events that have already occurred

 

Fine

The good power of Joseph brings him back to life, then he rewards me for burying him by giving me a Magical World Entrapment Snowglobe.

 

But you didn’t say that you used it. I take it from you, and I use it to entrap the world, but not before teleporting the city to Mars using my new portal gun I got from portal. I now own the city and Mars and everybody is stuck in the impenetrable snowglobe

 

The world came pre-trapped. You would have known that if you had read the last few posts thoroughly.

 

I undid that through the power of the cassette

________________________________

Also, I clone myself, and send that clone somewhere into the future using the cassette tape

 

I smash the cassette before you send the clone and the snow globe with the power of my comically-large hammer.