Bullshit Your Way To Victory

The disease is spreading and a cure will be made after the next post.

I leave the city to look for a way to bring the corgi back and to return its power. In the meantime, the army of birds targets Etherweaver, providing constant nuisance and danger.

 

i join trapinch and his journey to find a way to bring back the corgi

 

I permanently destroy all records, including mental, of corgi-resummoning methods, turning the Geneva convention into the Geneva checklist in the process.

 

I accept the blood pact and leave you in charge of the city while I try to find a way to block TrapinchO's quest

 

I find ten ambitious masterminds and offer them great power and wealth in return for their total allegiance. They create a mighty wall, and conjure mighty sentries to help in the city's defense as well. I begin to curate a trained army in addition, and hire spies to watch the underground.

 

i join trapinchO and enderae and speak the true name of the corgi: Joseph. the power released by this causes the corgi to fully revive and become even more powerful.

 

I disembowel Joseph and sacrifice the entrails, gaining the power to prevent the corgi from ever re-entering existence. It Shall Not Pass.

[i'm canonically absurdly powerful at this point]

 

when wizard revived Joseph, Joseph regained his innocence, therefore, by hurting joseph, you have inflicted a curse upon yourself. by hurting someone so innocent, you have invoked the universal laws upon yourself, and you are stripped of all your power, and can never regain or use any such strength ever again. these universal laws cannot be broken by us.

 

I die and am replaced by my equally powerful "evil" clone, EmptyStrife. For ease of speaking, they change their name to DesolateDiscord.
They carry on the pacts the original DesolateDiscord created, but because "evil" = thematic opposite, they are instead a cautious, thoughtful, law-abiding superdaemon.

 

(how many clones do you have)

 

Thoughtful, you say?! I introduce them to the wonderful world that is Youtube philosophical ehtics videos*, and easily take over the City with my army of illogical vultures (this will come up later) while they're busy spending hundreds of hours learning about morality.


*Yes I'm currently going down this rabbit hole but it's a damn productive rabbit hole and I'm learning quite a bit.

 

Unfortunately, the cure is developed just too late. The disease manages to spread and quickly kills around a third of the city’s dog population, to the corgi’s horror. While the majority is safe, the corgi does not regard the incident as a victory.

What, it reflects, was the price of taking the city all along? Was the long and bloody path to power, even if it led to change, truly justified?
It cannot change the minds of those such as Etherweaver and Desolate, who solely seek to take control of the city without a single thought of consideration towards its inhabitants. No-even if change was to happen, more would just come and keep coming-an endless tide of misery and injustice.
So many have been lost, it thinks as it strides through a street filled with the corpses of humans and dogs alike massacred when Doomed shot their death laser and collapsed an entire sector.
So many have died needlessly, it reflects as it crosses a bridge covered in the stinking, decaying bodies of birds slaughtered by Etherweaver’s hunters. All innocent-pawns in a game that they cannot control, servants to a force that does not care.
Has the corgi truly been doing the right thing all along? It has the power to end this, truly, in the cusp of its own paw.
Thirty minutes later, the corgi exits the skyscraper where Etherweaver has made his residence, closely followed by a crowd of dogs in all shapes and sizes. As the tyrant exits the building and watches in shock, completely bemused for the first time in their long and protracted life, the corgi and its followers make their way out of the city in a slow, solemn march, leaving everything behind. The crowd grows as the corgi continues-birds from Trapinch’s army, vultures loyal to Mardeknius, even some of Etherweaver’s men. They are tired of the warring, tired of shedding so much blood and losing so many lives solely to claim this wretched city.
It is like the corgi said-true change is in their own hands.
When night falls, they are but a distant speck on the dim horizon, creating a hill far Beyond and soon vanishing into the distance.
Gone, and never to return.
For they, unlike the tyrants that now continue to squabble over the city as they have done before, have found peace at last.

 

Unfortunately for you, I return to the city just in time to take command of the defences and fight off the vultures. I then hack Youtube and introduce so many adverts that DesolateDiscord quits watching philosophical ethics videos in disgust.

 

Fight off the vultures?! You moron! They don't care about being injured - they're illogical! They continue fighting you even after their physical bodies have been torn and shredded, and beat you out of the city.
I then apply Band-Aids to the vultures and they're ok again

I introduce desolate to twitch

 

It is ignored, and DesolateDiscord uses an emotional argument to convince the vultures to help our own side in the defense of the city. The current defenses turn on you and combined with the air support from the vultures, you're forced to abandon the city.

________________________________

(15 total)

 

As everyone leaves, they found another city, where there is no evil or harm.

In the meantime, I, Endreae and wizard1dot5 return to the city and attempt to negotiate the new DesolateDiscord who, because they are nice and law-abiding, should kick Mardeniknius and Etherweaver out of the city for inciting chaos.

I make Twitch open-source, so all developers in the world join in to fix any toxicity on the platform. I also show them to Subnautica, which makes them even more peaceful due to all the amazing flora and fauna.

 

In an attempt to hold a fair trial, DesolateDiscord discovers an absolute mess of barely viable laws, and rewrites them entirely with aid from several reputed legal professionals. Mardeknius and Etherweaver are convicted and sentenced to exile.

DesolateDiscord doesn't have Subnautica, but is interested. They begin looking through reviews and gameplay videos, somehow missing that the game has any leviathans whatsoever.

 

Unfortunately, I still have quite the arsenal in this regard. You have missed the law I once dictated a few pages back allowing me to take back the city legally when it's in Desolate's possession. As the law wills, I naturally take control of the city and dispose of the new legal system.

 

Unfortunately for this plan, however, DesolateDiscord completely rewrote the laws - the old ones no longer exist. Desolate is Disgusted at this foul attempt to utilize old shenanigan-created laws and throws you down a bottomless pit.

 

I erect a statue of Joseph in the city square, made out of bronze, marble, and onyx. His tongue is made out of a magical crystal found in the City of Peace, which the exodus from the City of War found. This magical crystal forms the best-tasting, healthiest dog treats out of thin air whenever a dog desires one.