Bullshit Your Way To Victory

i unbreak your ankles because why not

 

The ankle unbreaking doesn't work and the current leader of the city contracts malaria

 

:c

 

I pet the corgi because no one did it since it was exiled.

 

However, you have forgotten about the colossal army I have accumulated. As you have, accidentally or not, incorporated my men into your own militia, I now rise again and stage a coup, this time executing its new leaders apart from the corgi. For the dog, I use the binding legal contract I created last time and show it to them. As they are a creature of purehearted good that has no choice but to follow the law, they impose on themselves permanent self-exile and leave the city to me once more.

 

I change the law using the reality warping documents that I stole from desolatediscord while he was a cookie, making me and the corgi joint rulers of the city.

 

Once again, you forget about the army right on your doorstep and I stage a coup for the third time, doing the exact same things I did last time. However, I've now learned my lesson-and I shred the documents after rewriting the law to my favor, sitting the throne once more.

 

I go to the tavern and get drunk

 

Real victory right there

 

Since the documents were shredded, the law is invalid. On the other hand, I bring my army of birds to defend the corgi and its friend wizard1dot5.

 

With the copious amount of money I have accumulated from the previous owners' vaults, I issue bounties on the birds, causing hunters to flock in (pun intended) and shoot them down by the hundreds. I now take advantage of the corgi's pureheartedness once more and threaten to deprive the city's dog population out of treats. In fear of such a grim fate, the corgi goes into voluntary exile again, granting me the city.

 

the corgi, realizing that giving way to manipulation and blackmail is wrong and goes against his purehearted nature, goes back to the city and summons homing darts from the skies that knock out anyone they hit. these darts bypass any and all magical defenses you and your allies can summon, which are targeted to any of your allies and yourself. the corgi also creates a crystal which produces infinite, amazing-tasting (is that a word) dog treats for all the dogs in the city. the corgi proceeds to rule over the city in his soft, corgi-shaped throne, ushering the city into an era of peace, happiness, and contentment

 

I go and feed the corgi the best meat I can obtain. Getting into his heart so he will give all the humans free drinks at the bar

 

Unfortunately for it the era of peace is quite short-lived. Even without being able to use the dog treats as leverage, I still have quite the arsenal in my possession. I threaten to release an army of feral (but innocent) cats from a hidden laboratory under the city, each carrying a deadly disease that exclusively kills dogs. This pandemic is incredibly slow and difficult to wipe out, and if it is, it will simply keep appearing through more plague-bearing cats hidden in various caches even unknown to the corgi itself. The corgi, being wise and following its nature, recognizes that its rule is not worth the death of its people and agrees to a deal with me-it will voluntarily lock itself in a large box in the center of the city, where it has all the treats and toys necessary to keep it happy. I will start no such plague-and treat the city’s inhabitants fairly, even taking some advice from it in turn. But upon my death or usurping, such terms will be null and I will release the cats all at once, turning the city into a living hell for its canine citizens.

 

I give out all of my leftover tanks to the dog population, making them immune to all sicknesses and other harm as the tanks have both Armor and NBC protection.

 

Sadly, the corgi has already agreed to the deal and is now bound to it by their very honor. For I, attempting to nullify or find a way out to it will corrupt its powers and lead to them being wiped, which they will not do.

 

I find all the caches of cats and destroy them, then tell the corgi that a deal on unfair terms is not a deal.

The corgi and all its dogs equipped with wizard1dot5's dogs and accompanied by my birds (which managed to eventually kill the hunters) and stray cats angered by your intent to use them for you goals attack all the laboratories and destroy them.

Depending on the aftermath of the attack, either nothing will happen or it will take two posts for the disease to spread and five posts for a 100% working cure to be developed and distributed.

 

As a sense honor like the corgi’s does not view deals as fair or unfair, simply binding, the corgi’s powers are stripped from it for violating the contract and it becomes a regular dog once more. As this happens, I bring in several more caches and loosen them upon the city.

 

I use the brief window in which the corgi lost its powers to use a giant laser to vaporise the corgi and it's immediate area, thus removing the corgi from the game

 

This brings me back to life and I offer you a blood pact for equal joint control of the city