Bullshit Your Way To Victory

I summon from the furthest reaches Kuranicamis, primordial god of all alligators. The crocs and gators fight to the death as I sneak a tiny bunker into the city so that at least a piece of it will be mine for a very long time.

 

Thedra, from noted RPG thread Backways Bar appears out of a rift in reality and kills everything in the city that isn't immortal. She uses her truesight, which she stole from that one character who has truesight, to find you and whack you repeatedly until you go unconscious. Then she tosses you into an infinite pit and gives me the city. She then disappears back into the rift.

THIS IS OF QUESTIONABLE CANON-NESS TO BOTH THE UZBRPG AND THE BACKWAYS BAR

 

Fortunately I am both immortal and cannot be knocked unconscious, and I am in my bunker so you cannot find me to throw me into a pit.
I would also like to mention that nothing that occurs in this thread is canon to anything other than this thread.

 

Calennius, from noted RPG thread Backways Bar appears out of another rift and pushes you into it, not killing you but dropping you into a conveniently placed black hole.
They then jump into a different rift and vanish, leaving me (who was in the surface city all this time) to march in and seize it with my army of its citizens, who have become radiation-infused invincible supermen following the nuclear fallout.

 

Now that my matter has been concentrated into a black hole, I have control of it, and I use its space-breaking powers to wormhole travel back to the city. The wormhole destabilizes, scattering the black hole across time and space while I use magic to become intact again. I take the city and throw it into the sun, where the supermen disintegrate in the plasma.

 

Channeling the power required to procrastinate on writing region three (I swear I will start soon) I summon plasma immune hyperbees to save the city and pull it out of the sun. As all of the inhabitants have been vaporized I can now elect myself the leader.

 

I in turn summon a plasma immune hyperbear to devour the hyperbees. Using my clone laboratory, I, in the body of a duplicate, return to the city-and as both me and the hyperbear count as inhabitants-I win the election 2:1, taking control of the city.

[OOC] These two posts are the first two mentions of the UZBRPG on here outside of convos. We can’t really hide much now can we.

 

i show up in the city
i put a small corgi there
his name is joseph
if you hurt this corgi, retribution will come upon you
i give no other explanation
i leave

 

I gently put the corgi on the throne, forcing anyone ehocwants to rule the city to hurt it.

 

While all this Corgi stuff is happening, I move my Ohio base to a remote area in Antartica
I begin mass producing Lunar Spines in my base. The Spines will be available in 2 posts, and the first person to order one will also get a complementary Atlas.

 

I set up the corgi as a puppet ruler, giving it the title of king but secretly making the city’s decisions from behind the curtains. Anyone who wants to get to me will have to get through it first.

 

A random citizen walks to the throne room to ask for permission for a small thing. They notice you and ask the corgi why are you making all their decisions. The corgi realises the truth and is hurt by your betrayal. It trusted you and you used it for your own gain.

Because of this, a violent mob storms through the city, destroying everything you had. You are then banished, as only the corgi prevented them from publicly executing you.

 

The new lunar spines are now ready for purchase.

 

a small piece of tungsten falls from the sky at a significant fraction of the speed of light, causing a house to explode. a fragment of that house flies over to me. I then pick it up and run off. I now own a bit of the city, and none of you know where I am.

 

gimmie one

 

You are also given an atlas as you are the first one to order one

 

After page and change, the Hague finally gets back to me on the Min Hodus v. Demonslayer v. Demonslayer ruling, finding that, as a custodian subject to international law and not sovereign in his own right. Demonslayer did not, actually, have the legal authority to award himself the case via the squatter's right argument.

The case has been re-tried behind closed doors, and Min Hodus has been restored to their position as soverign of the city under the aegis of the Space United Nations, which is the U.N. but also in space because it's the year 12,000. No other major geopolitical changes have happened.

It's a shame we never found that "Min Hodus" figure.

Wait a moment.... could it be?

Min Hodus... Min Hodus... sudoH niM... Sudoh nim? pseudonym! H.M.! It was me all along?! Mwahahahahaha!

I magnanimously grant the Corgi, beloved of the people, the title of custodian of my city. I leave it free to make whatever decisions it wishes, earning its trust, while I spend my time doing philanthropy and public works to rebuild the city from the depredations of the demiurges.

 

Sick of the games, I buy a lunar spine and bribe Salted with the money I have accumulated from the city’s bank account. Salted immediately drops an update removing the -mr from it and I bombard the city with a volley of meteors, laying waste to it and all within.
Entering the desolate ruins that once were the city, I claim the only remaining sector, too small to be technically counted as a true city, as my own. Besides, since most of the city has been destroyed and its inhabitants either evacuated or wiped out, I legally found it anew under my ownership and rebuild most of it, creating it anew but still preserving it in technicality.

 

I'm still here, but generally confused. I add ornamentation to my house.

 

I will now be producing atlas as well
They will be ready in 1 post

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Doesn’t this kill the corgi?