Bullshit Your Way To Victory

Sorry, but the emus formally declare war against you for your attempt to control them and the Florida men immediately kill the alligators (years of practice go a long way). The walls are successfully transformed into a Wendy’s (someone else will have to deal with that), but the Florida men that use any projectile weapon already have plentiful amounts of ammo and loyalty, so your bribe is ineffective. I didn’t even do anything to make this happen, I’m still traveling miles away.

 

I find out that you use telepathy and tell the Floridamen that you are an alien, causing confusion for long enough for me to get into the sewers.

 

You are ambushed by 1000 corrupted witherheads and die. You respawn in a jail in Antartica.

 

Having some time after centuries I just lie there and chill.

 

i become s shaman totem

 

I cast the Uproot spell twice on Endistic while using the Ritualist archetype, which forces him to begin moving towards the nearest creature, which is a Florida man. All the Florida men then turn on him and being attacking him, and I build a wall around the city using fries I obtained from the Wendy's.

 

yeah
but then i transform back into my normal enderman self
and teleport out

 

You accidentally teleport into an ocean. And since endermen hate water, you attempt to escape only to appear in a different part of the ocean, becoming trapped for eternity.

 

you got me there
hmm

 

You hear a rumble in the distance…
I am armed and ready with my secret weapon, ready to intercept an incoming attempt to take the city.

 

While Demonslayer focuses his secret weapon on my invading army of Dire Elephants, I finish the slow subversion of the city's centers of power that I've secretly been engaging in behind the scenes for two pages.

 

A rain of fire descends on your Dire Elephants, catching their impenetrably thick hide aflame. A cloud of smoke chokes the sun and molten lava rains from the skies, torching the elephants and driving them into such a frenzy that they attack each other. I slay the last Dire Elephant personally with a solid blade of impossibly hot metal, driving my weapon through the elephant's neck with such force that the sinews snap and the elephant's head falls to the ground. I walk into the city, hearing whispers and seeing glances thrown my way. I walk to the courtroom to find one of my most loyal administrators on trial, and demand a copy of the minutes of the trial.
"You have no power here anymore," states the arbiter.
I pull out an uno reverse card, cutting down the corrupt arbiter with my blade.
"Who has risen such a man to power?" I demand of the audience, "A man who dares to defy a reigning lord of the city?"
The crowd falls silent.
The loyal administrator speaks. "hmtn!"
And so I begin my search.
For hours I find nothing, and so I return to my office to sit on my obsidian throne. There is a note. Unfortunately the note is a folded piece of paper, and because I cannot touch paper without lighting it on fire, I have no way of telling what it says.

 

I have no idea what is happening so I create a castle in the dark realm of Ohio and begin to locate giant worms to tame and sell in the black market
The worms will be available for hire in two posts.
Meanwhile my castle is garrisoned by multiple Floridamen that I brought with me.

 

I summon 20000000 alligators to wrestle against your Floridamen so I can sneak into your castle and destroy it from the inside out.

 

We did not finish taming the giant worms and you are eaten alive.
The Floridamen make out with the alligators and the battlefield in front of the castle turns into Alabama part 2. This results in them somehow recreating Charles II of Spain.
Now that two posts have passed the giant worms have now been successfully tamed (thanks in part to Dungeonbee volunteering as food) and are now available for purchase.

 

I purchase fifty percent of the worms with a copiously large quantity of amethyst.

 

I use the amethysts to create a large spyglass that turns out to be a sun gun.
I point it at the next person who posts (other than me or the current owner of the city).
The extra amethysts are used to feed to the giant worms.

 

I use a really big mirror to reflect the sun gun at you, killing you. Since I defeated you in combat, I now control the worms, which I use to take control of the city.

 

Since I still control half of the worms, they fight each other to the death in a force v force matchup. However, due to control of the defensive position, the attacking worms take 90% casualties while the defending worms take only 70%.

 

I was holding a focus sash and survived on one hp
After downing a few potatoes I retake control of the worms Sir_doomed took and turn him into a McDonalds meal for the worms.
For FreneticEntropy’s glorious attempt I gift him a focus sash and a potato.
Seeing as how the sun gun would not be a good investment, I dismantle it and repurpose the amethysts into sight assisters for the worms.
The improved sight assisted worms will be ready in 3 posts.