Bullshit Your Way To Victory

I will not, consider me an advisor/defense minister
Also it’s called a Diarchy

 

alright, that works too
also thanks lol I was sure duocracy was wrong but it sounded like it worked

 

I'm sure we can make these defenses better...
I prepare large automatically firing machine guns to aid the massive, highly toxic beasts and elite Florida men.
In addition, I prepare a small army of spies to keep watch on the city's criminal underworld, ensuring that I can respond to uprisings quickly and benevolently, while responding to plots quickly and viciously.

 

It looks like I have no chance at subterfuge, and as such raise the endless and ravenous armies of hell themselves to storm the city. Unfortunately, the daunting defenses of the city prove to hold, and my attack soon settles into a siege.

But the army is a distraction! As the city lies distracted, I begin to implement a plan to slowly subvert the centers of power in the city. Unfortunately, it'll take two pages.

 

The Florida men then befriend the hellspawn, and are given refuge in the city and are added to the city defenses

 

And if they turn against us... my in-game name is Demonslayer_456...

 

Suddenly everyone’s vision in the city is covered with a screen that reads “a new challenger approaches” with the black shape of a human with triangles on their head
I then try and walk into the city without anything to defend me except the clothes on my back

 

This fails because the floridamen beat up the challenger within seconds
You get imprisoned and sentenced to play League of Legends for 100 hours

 

Unfortunately as a lol player already, I enjoy the 100 hours, and continue wandering about the city after being released

 

Your weight creates a sinkhole which sends you to the void and you can’t get up
The city is teleported away from the sinkhole for safety reasons

 

Using the last reserves of my strength i pull a small device from my back pocket and use it to alter the gravitational constant to a point there gravity feels normal to me. Then I use my hermes boots to fly towards the city before casually strolling in again.

 

i Eat a chorus fruit and telepoert into the city bank’s vault, because frick you
i then hold all the money for ransom, saying that i will only return the money if i get ownership of the city

 

While we don’t give you the city itself, we give you a slightly smaller city in close proximity of the first one
You are also given your personal guard comprised completely of ritualist shamans

Your small device short circuits and your weight causes you fly into space and into a nearby black hole

 

that works
thank you
I return the ransom money.

 

The device has no methods of unaltering the gravitational constant, so the black hole pulls me much slower. By simply swimming in the lower universal gravity i eventually make it back to earth, land, and walk into the city again

 

A few Floridamen are assigned to keep an eye on you for the time being

 

I walk around calmly buying random trinkets and snacks from the market

 

damn ok I came over to this thread to check on how our reign of terror was going but apparently it's still going well so
keep at it

 

I throw exploding chickens because my previous chicken disapeared

 

The exploding chickens damage the walls, however do nothing to aid you in taking the city.
Craig, our resident immortal jellyfish, is nice enough to rebuild the walls.

Thanks, Craig!