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Wynncraftian Newsletter 3 - Written By Idiots in Kandon-Beda

Discussion in 'Wynncraft' started by Enderae, Aug 21, 2022.

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Crouton_18 Either an Airship Captain or a Masochist CHAMPION

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Mardeknius said: ↑

alright where the hell did you get that image
Click to expand...

I created it
(Unless you mean the meme template, I stole that off the internet)
(Look up "exposed nerve meme")

Crouton_18, Aug 23, 2022

#21

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Enderae Wanderer of the Realm VIP

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Enderae said: ↑

The shamans of Gavel and Wynn have united to bring a new dawn for the Shamans!

Three Archetypes have been released, the Summoner, who, well, summons stuff, and somehow manages to make it uglier than you! no i take it back you aren’t ugly NO COME BACK I NEED VIEWS- The Acolyte, whose only desire is to make Wynn R-rated, and the Ritualist, who has more personalities than a deranged VTuber.

Before we begin our guides to each Archetype, I would like to issue a formal apology for all the time it took between Newsletter II and Newsletter III. We were too busy kidnapp- I MEAN befriending wild Totems to exper- I MEAN learn more about them!

There is no illegality going on in the basement of a random Ahmsordian building, nope!

shut up ahmsord police we’re holding your comrades hostage

Table of Contents

Summoner Guide

Acolyte Guide

Ritualist Guide

Totem Care Guide

How To Touch Grass Guide obviously this doesn’t exist you are wynn players, you’ve never seen the sun or felt the grass outside in years

Conclusion

To tell us about each Archetype, we have our field researcher, @Endistic!

—

Summoner Guide

So to start us off, we have Summoner.

Summoner summons things, obviously. It’s in the name, you blithering idiot, learn to READ before you play VIDEO GAMES.

Anyways, they have Puppets that hit somewhat lightly, and then an Effigy that hits harder than the realization that you don’t have any friends.

You cast Totem and then go take a nap because you’re so lazy you can’t deal any damage yourself, and force magical entities to do the dirty work and murder things for you. Like seriously, where is your work ethic? Oh, I forgot, it’s gone, because your entire life consists of drinking Diet Coke and eating moldy pizza in your MOTHER’S BASEMENT-

Go get a job or something. You wasted ten years on this game. Get a life.

…

No?

I thought so.

If you have even a shred of morality remaining in the husk of a human being you are, you had better take good care of your totem, lest the THA, the Totem Health Agency expose you to *shudder* s-sunlight.

*bleaches mouth*

Don’t make your Totem summon so much stuff, after all, you can barely lift yourself off your decrepit gaming chair to eat another slice of pizza.

Don’t be a hypocrite!

It tires the Totem to deal with such a buffoon like you, even more to have to summon and work for you unpaid and without break or leave.

And there have been reports of Totems turning on their owners. This seems to be in direct correlation to the owner’s pure stupidity, so you are all in deep, deep, danger.

…

Acolyte Guide

Next, we have Acolyte!

The archetype more goth than a 14 year old girl listening to Billie Eilish for the two hundredth time after she broke up with her boyfriend that she had for three days because he didn't give her a colony in Antartica!

Acolyte specializes in literally taking your blood and giving it to a totem for energy and extra power.

This sounds like a super fun and skillful archetype, right?

RIGHT?

Anyways, your Totem is extremely emo and bloodthirsty, so it stores up your… blood.. in a… blood pool…

Jeez, Wynncraft’s speedrunning that R-rating, aren’t they.

Anyways, your Blood Pool buffs your Aura, making it deal more damage whenever your lazy fingers decide to cast it after ten months of waiting, and makes it heal your stagnant, ungrateful butt. Like seriously, why don’t you just dodge?

Oh wait, I forgot, you have the muscle mass of a sheet of wet tissue paper ON FIRE-

Anyways, I think I should reinforce your miniscule brain instead of pointing out the various glaring flaws you have, which you should see if you have more than 3 IQ, which you quite obviously have fallen short of.

Uproot deals absolutely nuke-like damage with it’s ability, Blood Sorrow, which is more Emo than the name of a 14 year old kid’s startup band formed in his dirty, soda can littered basement which will fall apart like your sanity in two minutes.

To take care of your totem, which you will, because I’m pretty sure you still somewhat have some sliver of morals, you can stand in the Totem’s radius, to drain your life energy away.

Remember, Totems are bloodthirsty, and they have been known to appear in the room of an unsuspecting villager, sucking the lifeblood from their arm. So keeping your totems safe and full is the best way to not get arrested! However, keep your shreds of feeble wit about you, as you don’t want to pass out in the middle of Detlas. After all, we still need people to buy this newsletter!

Also, please do not make your Totem have to constantly use Aura. It drains their energy greatly, because they have to make their Auras go faster AND heal you. To make you sympathize with your tired Totem, think about how tired you are after you get up from your gaming chair to order another pizza from Pizza Shack or something. Plus, it takes blood away from your Blood Pool, and you being a coward, you won’t refill it.

Well, that’s Acolyte.

Ritualist

Then there’s Ritualist.

Here, you have four masks.

The Mask of the Fanatic, the mask Ava and Lari simps seem to always wear. It grants resistance to your stupidity at the cost of your negligible strength.

The Mask of the Lunatic, which describes you very, very well. It grants you some muscle strength, something you desperately need.

The Mask of the Coward, which honestly isn’t a mask for you because it’s your whole face. It grants you speed, so you can get out of your Wynncraft addiction.

And… the Mask of the Awakened. What does it awake you to, I don’t know, realizing Enderae’s an idio-

Anyways, taking care of your Totem is quite easy. You can let it roam with Seeking Totem, but be careful to not let it run in areas without prey. It’ll drain its energy even faster. Remember, your Totem is heavy, and it’s hard for him to move without constant sources of energy. Don’t mistreat your Totems. We’ll find you.

…

Alternatively, you can venture into monster-riddled caves and let your Totem drain their energy to feed him. However, we tested this with @Mardeknius , our secretary, and uhh…

We have a new job application as our secretary!

Pays 8 emeralds per day!

Paid leave every two and a half decades!
A constant risk of death, dismemberment, and/or painful injury!

Solitary confinement!

Apply at enderae . is a fool . ender!

Moving on, we have a special section, written by our very own @Enderae!

Totem Care

As we all know, totems are precocious creatures, and we’ve made a guide on how to take care of them before. But after the Shaman Renewing spell, there have been three more types of Totems that you must learn to take care of!

But don’t worry, new and veteran owners alike. Totems are kindly animals, who would never hurt a fly!

Right, Jake?

… Jake?

Anyways, we’ve given you some tips and tricks in the Archetype guides above. But we thought it would be nice to give a more… concentrated guide.

So without further ado, this is how to take care of each Archetype’s Totems!

Starting off, the Acolyte totems feed off of blood, like vampires. Therefore, a suitable source of blood must be given to them. Butcher shops are a good and relatively painless idea, however if it’s crowded with Acolyte users, you may use… your own blood.

Or, you can just go to the crowded butcher shops and let your Totem run free!

However, we tried this and @Endistic was arrested and put in jail. We broke him out, but we’re currently on the run in the Sky Islands, which is why it took so long to post this. We’re currently lodging in an abandoned Skyraiders outpost, please give us bread, Totem #1 is starving.

Back to the post!

If you want to make your Totem stronger at the cost of their… other faculties, you may feed them Corrupted energy.

This has a chance of Corrupting them, but it gives them immense energy and strength. Use at your own risk, and at the risk of your living quarters, as the ruins in Ahmsord can attest.

Overall, Acolyte Totems are amazing guards, dangerous and costly, but amazing guards and companions! Just make sure you have a shield near you.

For your Ritualist totem, you don’t need to do anything special. After all, you’re good at not doing things. Just let your Totem feast on nearby enemies occasionally and let them replenish their energy. Y’know, there are some Totem feeding parties in our Discord, which doesn’t exist.

Instead, you need to regulate what your Totem does do. Don’t let your Totem have to Seek so much. If there are nearby mobs, and your Totem wants to, sure, go for it, but it’s quite harmful if you let your Totem seek with only a couple mobs around for sustenance. Sky Symbols are much better at Seeking and tire less than normal Totems, due to their structure being much more… ethereal, just like how you describe your accomplished goals. AKA, you don’t have any.

Lastly, for Summoner Totems, they’re quite complicated.

Please, please, please do not make your Totem summon too many things. It drains their energy faster than it drains yours to be a useful member of society. They’re quite average in respects to their needs, unlike you. However, Summoner Totems have a natural affinity to the earth, and as such Uproot gives them energy. We have Mana Regen builds to spam Uproot and Uproot Parties in our nonexistent Discord!

Recent research done by @Mardeknius has found that the Effigies and Puppets spawned by your Totem can give energy to their totem through means of attacking and/or killing enemies, or amplifying the Uproots fired at their totem. Or, they can send the Totem their own energy! Now, if only you had some Puppets.

Well, that’s it for Totem Care.

Lastly, please remember that Sky Symbols are allergic to precious metals such as gold and silver. This is a PSA because of that one guy who fed his Totem coins and accidentally killed him. Please don’t do that again, Robert. We’re watching you.

Conclusion

Well, you’ve made it to the end of Newsletter 3. Sorry it took so long to release this one, we’ve been hard at work researching. Speaking of that, you should to. That sheet of homework for your Biology class you skipped for three years straight is looking a little… rotten, like your intelligence.

Remember, Totems are wonderful pets, and you should take good care of them.

Acolyte Totems require blood to survive, whether it be yours or your enemies’. Still a better love story than Twilight.

Summoner Totems like being Uprooted for energy, but don’t make them Summon too much stuff! After all, you get tired when you get off your decrepit gaming chair to answer your crying friends at the door who haven’t seen your face since 2003!

Ritualist Totems just need to feast on nearby enemies, like you do on your endless supply of moldy pizza from 2019.

Furthermore, we’re opening up Newsletter Donations!

Give us a province’s spoils to make us release our virtual pixelated newsletter on a server on a children’s block game one second faster, because you have the attention span of a grasshopper!

im literally just putting this here to appease @Mardeknius this is not serious

Well, goodbye, you rat, and see you in our next newsletter!

so i typed the third newsletter, when do i get to see the sun - endi
NEVER - enderae
that's it... *knocks enderae out with soup bowl and escapes* - endi
*three hours pass*
*enderae wakes up*
NO ENDI ESCAPED I NEED SOMEONE TO WRITE MY NEWSLETTERS FOR ME TO EARN MONEY - enderae
*enderae sets out in pursuit of endi*

________________________________

reserved for no reason
Click to expand...

BUMP TO BUY TOTEM #1 BREAD
EVERY LIKE EQUALS A SINGULAR BREAD
SMASH DA LIK BUTON

Enderae, Aug 24, 2022

#22

BrokenRealities likes this.
Aftershokke Meow?

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Aftershokke, Aug 24, 2022

#23
Enderae Wanderer of the Realm VIP

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Aftershokke said: ↑

View attachment 182613
Click to expand...

yes, yes you did

Enderae, Aug 25, 2022

#24
Erebuis Defiled Cave Enjoyer :3 (-580, 27, -580) VIP+

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totem will eat me but i will eat totem first nomnomnomnomnomnoNOMNONMNOMNOMN
*the basement does not seems so cozy after 3 months let me out let me out let me out LET ME OUT AHHHHHHHHH I will have to eat my totem to surviev nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnonmnomNOMNONMNOMM*
ALSO SELLING VERY BAD NIRVANA FOR 3.5STX price negotiable
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehelpeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiminthebasementoftheskycastlehelphelphelphelpit'smeorthetotemihavetoeathelphelphelphelpOVER*static*

Erebuis, Aug 25, 2022

#25
Aftershokke Meow?

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Enderae said: ↑

yes, yes you did
Click to expand...

________________________________

the fate of those who are caught using morph

Aftershokke, Aug 25, 2022

#26

Erebuis likes this.
Endistic Acolyte Enjoyer HERO

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Erebuis said: ↑

totem will eat me but i will eat totem first nomnomnomnomnomnoNOMNONMNOMNOMN
*the basement does not seems so cozy after 3 months let me out let me out let me out LET ME OUT AHHHHHHHHH I will have to eat my totem to surviev nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnonmnomNOMNONMNOMM*
ALSO SELLING VERY BAD NIRVANA FOR 3.5STX price negotiable
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehelpeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiminthebasementoftheskycastlehelphelphelphelpit'smeorthetotemihavetoeathelphelphelphelpOVER*static*
Click to expand...

are you ok

Endistic, Aug 25, 2022

#27

Erebuis likes this.
Enderae Wanderer of the Realm VIP

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Erebuis said: ↑

totem will eat me but i will eat totem first nomnomnomnomnomnoNOMNONMNOMNOMN
*the basement does not seems so cozy after 3 months let me out let me out let me out LET ME OUT AHHHHHHHHH I will have to eat my totem to surviev nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnonmnomNOMNONMNOMM*
ALSO SELLING VERY BAD NIRVANA FOR 3.5STX price negotiable
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehelpeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiminthebasementoftheskycastlehelphelphelphelpit'smeorthetotemihavetoeathelphelphelphelpOVER*static*
Click to expand...

sir i think you should go to a hospital instead of the wynncraft forums

Enderae, Aug 25, 2022

#28

Endistic likes this.
Namakobushi Famous Adventurer VIP+

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Erebuis said: ↑

totem will eat me but i will eat totem first nomnomnomnomnomnoNOMNONMNOMNOMN
*the basement does not seems so cozy after 3 months let me out let me out let me out LET ME OUT AHHHHHHHHH I will have to eat my totem to surviev nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnonmnomNOMNONMNOMM*
ALSO SELLING VERY BAD NIRVANA FOR 3.5STX price negotiable
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehelpeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiminthebasementoftheskycastlehelphelphelphelpit'smeorthetotemihavetoeathelphelphelphelpOVER*static*
Click to expand...

If I give you something to eat will the price of the Nirvana go down for me?

Namakobushi, Aug 25, 2022

#29

Endistic likes this.
Enderae Wanderer of the Realm VIP

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Enderae said: ↑

The shamans of Gavel and Wynn have united to bring a new dawn for the Shamans!

Three Archetypes have been released, the Summoner, who, well, summons stuff, and somehow manages to make it uglier than you! no i take it back you aren’t ugly NO COME BACK I NEED VIEWS- The Acolyte, whose only desire is to make Wynn R-rated, and the Ritualist, who has more personalities than a deranged VTuber.

Before we begin our guides to each Archetype, I would like to issue a formal apology for all the time it took between Newsletter II and Newsletter III. We were too busy kidnapp- I MEAN befriending wild Totems to exper- I MEAN learn more about them!

There is no illegality going on in the basement of a random Ahmsordian building, nope!

shut up ahmsord police we’re holding your comrades hostage

Table of Contents

Summoner Guide

Acolyte Guide

Ritualist Guide

Totem Care Guide

How To Touch Grass Guide obviously this doesn’t exist you are wynn players, you’ve never seen the sun or felt the grass outside in years

Conclusion

To tell us about each Archetype, we have our field researcher, @Endistic!

—

Summoner Guide

So to start us off, we have Summoner.

Summoner summons things, obviously. It’s in the name, you blithering idiot, learn to READ before you play VIDEO GAMES.

Anyways, they have Puppets that hit somewhat lightly, and then an Effigy that hits harder than the realization that you don’t have any friends.

You cast Totem and then go take a nap because you’re so lazy you can’t deal any damage yourself, and force magical entities to do the dirty work and murder things for you. Like seriously, where is your work ethic? Oh, I forgot, it’s gone, because your entire life consists of drinking Diet Coke and eating moldy pizza in your MOTHER’S BASEMENT-

Go get a job or something. You wasted ten years on this game. Get a life.

…

No?

I thought so.

If you have even a shred of morality remaining in the husk of a human being you are, you had better take good care of your totem, lest the THA, the Totem Health Agency expose you to *shudder* s-sunlight.

*bleaches mouth*

Don’t make your Totem summon so much stuff, after all, you can barely lift yourself off your decrepit gaming chair to eat another slice of pizza.

Don’t be a hypocrite!

It tires the Totem to deal with such a buffoon like you, even more to have to summon and work for you unpaid and without break or leave.

And there have been reports of Totems turning on their owners. This seems to be in direct correlation to the owner’s pure stupidity, so you are all in deep, deep, danger.

…

Acolyte Guide

Next, we have Acolyte!

The archetype more goth than a 14 year old girl listening to Billie Eilish for the two hundredth time after she broke up with her boyfriend that she had for three days because he didn't give her a colony in Antartica!

Acolyte specializes in literally taking your blood and giving it to a totem for energy and extra power.

This sounds like a super fun and skillful archetype, right?

RIGHT?

Anyways, your Totem is extremely emo and bloodthirsty, so it stores up your… blood.. in a… blood pool…

Jeez, Wynncraft’s speedrunning that R-rating, aren’t they.

Anyways, your Blood Pool buffs your Aura, making it deal more damage whenever your lazy fingers decide to cast it after ten months of waiting, and makes it heal your stagnant, ungrateful butt. Like seriously, why don’t you just dodge?

Oh wait, I forgot, you have the muscle mass of a sheet of wet tissue paper ON FIRE-

Anyways, I think I should reinforce your miniscule brain instead of pointing out the various glaring flaws you have, which you should see if you have more than 3 IQ, which you quite obviously have fallen short of.

Uproot deals absolutely nuke-like damage with it’s ability, Blood Sorrow, which is more Emo than the name of a 14 year old kid’s startup band formed in his dirty, soda can littered basement which will fall apart like your sanity in two minutes.

To take care of your totem, which you will, because I’m pretty sure you still somewhat have some sliver of morals, you can stand in the Totem’s radius, to drain your life energy away.

Remember, Totems are bloodthirsty, and they have been known to appear in the room of an unsuspecting villager, sucking the lifeblood from their arm. So keeping your totems safe and full is the best way to not get arrested! However, keep your shreds of feeble wit about you, as you don’t want to pass out in the middle of Detlas. After all, we still need people to buy this newsletter!

Also, please do not make your Totem have to constantly use Aura. It drains their energy greatly, because they have to make their Auras go faster AND heal you. To make you sympathize with your tired Totem, think about how tired you are after you get up from your gaming chair to order another pizza from Pizza Shack or something. Plus, it takes blood away from your Blood Pool, and you being a coward, you won’t refill it.

Well, that’s Acolyte.

Ritualist

Then there’s Ritualist.

Here, you have four masks.

The Mask of the Fanatic, the mask Ava and Lari simps seem to always wear. It grants resistance to your stupidity at the cost of your negligible strength.

The Mask of the Lunatic, which describes you very, very well. It grants you some muscle strength, something you desperately need.

The Mask of the Coward, which honestly isn’t a mask for you because it’s your whole face. It grants you speed, so you can get out of your Wynncraft addiction.

And… the Mask of the Awakened. What does it awake you to, I don’t know, realizing Enderae’s an idio-

Anyways, taking care of your Totem is quite easy. You can let it roam with Seeking Totem, but be careful to not let it run in areas without prey. It’ll drain its energy even faster. Remember, your Totem is heavy, and it’s hard for him to move without constant sources of energy. Don’t mistreat your Totems. We’ll find you.

…

Alternatively, you can venture into monster-riddled caves and let your Totem drain their energy to feed him. However, we tested this with @Mardeknius , our secretary, and uhh…

We have a new job application as our secretary!

Pays 8 emeralds per day!

Paid leave every two and a half decades!
A constant risk of death, dismemberment, and/or painful injury!

Solitary confinement!

Apply at enderae . is a fool . ender!

Moving on, we have a special section, written by our very own @Enderae!

Totem Care

As we all know, totems are precocious creatures, and we’ve made a guide on how to take care of them before. But after the Shaman Renewing spell, there have been three more types of Totems that you must learn to take care of!

But don’t worry, new and veteran owners alike. Totems are kindly animals, who would never hurt a fly!

Right, Jake?

… Jake?

Anyways, we’ve given you some tips and tricks in the Archetype guides above. But we thought it would be nice to give a more… concentrated guide.

So without further ado, this is how to take care of each Archetype’s Totems!

Starting off, the Acolyte totems feed off of blood, like vampires. Therefore, a suitable source of blood must be given to them. Butcher shops are a good and relatively painless idea, however if it’s crowded with Acolyte users, you may use… your own blood.

Or, you can just go to the crowded butcher shops and let your Totem run free!

However, we tried this and @Endistic was arrested and put in jail. We broke him out, but we’re currently on the run in the Sky Islands, which is why it took so long to post this. We’re currently lodging in an abandoned Skyraiders outpost, please give us bread, Totem #1 is starving.

Back to the post!

If you want to make your Totem stronger at the cost of their… other faculties, you may feed them Corrupted energy.

This has a chance of Corrupting them, but it gives them immense energy and strength. Use at your own risk, and at the risk of your living quarters, as the ruins in Ahmsord can attest.

Overall, Acolyte Totems are amazing guards, dangerous and costly, but amazing guards and companions! Just make sure you have a shield near you.

For your Ritualist totem, you don’t need to do anything special. After all, you’re good at not doing things. Just let your Totem feast on nearby enemies occasionally and let them replenish their energy. Y’know, there are some Totem feeding parties in our Discord, which doesn’t exist.

Instead, you need to regulate what your Totem does do. Don’t let your Totem have to Seek so much. If there are nearby mobs, and your Totem wants to, sure, go for it, but it’s quite harmful if you let your Totem seek with only a couple mobs around for sustenance. Sky Symbols are much better at Seeking and tire less than normal Totems, due to their structure being much more… ethereal, just like how you describe your accomplished goals. AKA, you don’t have any.

Lastly, for Summoner Totems, they’re quite complicated.

Please, please, please do not make your Totem summon too many things. It drains their energy faster than it drains yours to be a useful member of society. They’re quite average in respects to their needs, unlike you. However, Summoner Totems have a natural affinity to the earth, and as such Uproot gives them energy. We have Mana Regen builds to spam Uproot and Uproot Parties in our nonexistent Discord!

Recent research done by @Mardeknius has found that the Effigies and Puppets spawned by your Totem can give energy to their totem through means of attacking and/or killing enemies, or amplifying the Uproots fired at their totem. Or, they can send the Totem their own energy! Now, if only you had some Puppets.

Well, that’s it for Totem Care.

Lastly, please remember that Sky Symbols are allergic to precious metals such as gold and silver. This is a PSA because of that one guy who fed his Totem coins and accidentally killed him. Please don’t do that again, Robert. We’re watching you.

Conclusion

Well, you’ve made it to the end of Newsletter 3. Sorry it took so long to release this one, we’ve been hard at work researching. Speaking of that, you should to. That sheet of homework for your Biology class you skipped for three years straight is looking a little… rotten, like your intelligence.

Remember, Totems are wonderful pets, and you should take good care of them.

Acolyte Totems require blood to survive, whether it be yours or your enemies’. Still a better love story than Twilight.

Summoner Totems like being Uprooted for energy, but don’t make them Summon too much stuff! After all, you get tired when you get off your decrepit gaming chair to answer your crying friends at the door who haven’t seen your face since 2003!

Ritualist Totems just need to feast on nearby enemies, like you do on your endless supply of moldy pizza from 2019.

Furthermore, we’re opening up Newsletter Donations!

Give us a province’s spoils to make us release our virtual pixelated newsletter on a server on a children’s block game one second faster, because you have the attention span of a grasshopper!

im literally just putting this here to appease @Mardeknius this is not serious

Well, goodbye, you rat, and see you in our next newsletter!

so i typed the third newsletter, when do i get to see the sun - endi
NEVER - enderae
that's it... *knocks enderae out with soup bowl and escapes* - endi
*three hours pass*
*enderae wakes up*
NO ENDI ESCAPED I NEED SOMEONE TO WRITE MY NEWSLETTERS FOR ME TO EARN MONEY - enderae
*enderae sets out in pursuit of endi*

________________________________

reserved for no reason
Click to expand...

if this thread doesn't get ten likes totem 1 doesn't get brea-
oh wait why is the totem police at mah door

Enderae, Aug 25, 2022

#30
Endistic Acolyte Enjoyer HERO

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Endistic

Enderae said: ↑

if this thread doesn't get ten likes totem 1 doesn't get brea-
oh wait why is the totem police at mah door
Click to expand...

im going to eat the bread
nom nom nom

i love totems
and the hex
i love both of them equally
totems make me feel not lonely
the hex makes me feel refined
this is pog

Endistic, Aug 25, 2022

#31

Namakobushi likes this.
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Enderae said: ↑

if this thread doesn't get ten likes totem 1 doesn't get brea-
oh wait why is the totem police at mah door
Click to expand...

Knock. Knock. Knock.

O p e n u p.
I have evidence you are mistreating your totem and are holding food from it to get people to do your bidding.
Taking your totem to Totem Protective Services.

________________________________

Endistic said: ↑

im going to eat the bread
nom nom nom

i love totems
and the hex
i love both of them equally
totems make me feel not lonely
the hex makes me feel refined
this is pog
Click to expand...

I am going to eat you nom nom mom.

You make me feel not lonely and more refined than steel. You are very . . . poggers (oh yikes I hate that word never saying it again).

Namakobushi, Aug 25, 2022

#32

BrokenRealities likes this.
Erebuis Defiled Cave Enjoyer :3 (-580, 27, -580) VIP+

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The hospital threw me out I ate the hospital eeeeeeeee,
eeeeeee,
I will sell nirvana for 3.3stx if you give me bread and small totems to play with eeeeeee
ALSO ENDERAE AND ENDISTIC PLAY HYPIXEL SKYBLOK EWWWWWW

Last edited: Aug 26, 2022

Erebuis, Aug 26, 2022

#33
Endistic Acolyte Enjoyer HERO

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Namakobushi said: ↑

Knock. Knock. Knock.

O p e n u p.
I have evidence you are mistreating your totem and are holding food from it to get people to do your bidding.
Taking your totem to Totem Protective Services.

________________________________

I am going to eat you nom nom mom.

You make me feel not lonely and more refined than steel. You are very . . . poggers (oh yikes I hate that word never saying it again).
Click to expand...

noooo
*the dead*
:skull:

Erebuis said: ↑

The hospital threw me out I ate the hospital eeeeeeeee,
eeeeeee,
I will sell nirvana for 3.3stx if you give me bread and small totems to play with eeeeeee
ALSO ENDERAE AND ENDISTIC PLAY HYPIXEL SKYBLOK EWWWWWW
Click to expand...

I love The Hex.
I love The Hex.
I love The Hex.
I love The Hex.
You love the Hex.
We all love The Hex.
:)

Endistic, Aug 26, 2022

#34
Enderae Wanderer of the Realm VIP

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imma be fr is there one wynn player who didn't play hsb at one point

Enderae, Aug 26, 2022

#35

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Enderae said: ↑

imma be fr is there one wynn player who didn't play hsb at one point
Click to expand...

true true
I did
almost all wynn players has their skyblock --> wynn arc

Erebuis, Aug 26, 2022

#36

Endistic likes this.
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Hmm I started playing Wynncraft before that particular SkyBlock even existed.

Namakobushi, Aug 26, 2022

#37

luckeyLuuk, Endistic and Erebuis like this.
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Endistic said: ↑

im going to eat the bread
nom nom nom

i love totems
and the hex
i love both of them equally
totems make me feel not lonely
the hex makes me feel refined
this is pog
Click to expand...

Hypixel Skyblock :visible_disgust:
(before you check my skycrypt yes i did have 1k hours on Skyblock, that just makes it more revolting)

Etherweaver, Aug 26, 2022

#38

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Etherweaver said: ↑

Hypixel Skyblock :visible_disgust:
(before you check my skycrypt yes i did have 1k hours on Skyblock, that just makes it more revolting)
Click to expand...

we dont talk about my 1600 hours :skull: :eyes:
skyblock community is so toxic and there is no bread and totems.

Erebuis, Aug 27, 2022

#39

Endistic likes this.
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Enderae said: ↑

The shamans of Gavel and Wynn have united to bring a new dawn for the Shamans!

Three Archetypes have been released, the Summoner, who, well, summons stuff, and somehow manages to make it uglier than you! no i take it back you aren’t ugly NO COME BACK I NEED VIEWS- The Acolyte, whose only desire is to make Wynn R-rated, and the Ritualist, who has more personalities than a deranged VTuber.

Before we begin our guides to each Archetype, I would like to issue a formal apology for all the time it took between Newsletter II and Newsletter III. We were too busy kidnapp- I MEAN befriending wild Totems to exper- I MEAN learn more about them!

There is no illegality going on in the basement of a random Ahmsordian building, nope!

shut up ahmsord police we’re holding your comrades hostage

Table of Contents

Summoner Guide

Acolyte Guide

Ritualist Guide

Totem Care Guide

How To Touch Grass Guide obviously this doesn’t exist you are wynn players, you’ve never seen the sun or felt the grass outside in years

Conclusion

To tell us about each Archetype, we have our field researcher, @Endistic!

—

Summoner Guide

So to start us off, we have Summoner.

Summoner summons things, obviously. It’s in the name, you blithering idiot, learn to READ before you play VIDEO GAMES.

Anyways, they have Puppets that hit somewhat lightly, and then an Effigy that hits harder than the realization that you don’t have any friends.

You cast Totem and then go take a nap because you’re so lazy you can’t deal any damage yourself, and force magical entities to do the dirty work and murder things for you. Like seriously, where is your work ethic? Oh, I forgot, it’s gone, because your entire life consists of drinking Diet Coke and eating moldy pizza in your MOTHER’S BASEMENT-

Go get a job or something. You wasted ten years on this game. Get a life.

…

No?

I thought so.

If you have even a shred of morality remaining in the husk of a human being you are, you had better take good care of your totem, lest the THA, the Totem Health Agency expose you to *shudder* s-sunlight.

*bleaches mouth*

Don’t make your Totem summon so much stuff, after all, you can barely lift yourself off your decrepit gaming chair to eat another slice of pizza.

Don’t be a hypocrite!

It tires the Totem to deal with such a buffoon like you, even more to have to summon and work for you unpaid and without break or leave.

And there have been reports of Totems turning on their owners. This seems to be in direct correlation to the owner’s pure stupidity, so you are all in deep, deep, danger.

…

Acolyte Guide

Next, we have Acolyte!

The archetype more goth than a 14 year old girl listening to Billie Eilish for the two hundredth time after she broke up with her boyfriend that she had for three days because he didn't give her a colony in Antartica!

Acolyte specializes in literally taking your blood and giving it to a totem for energy and extra power.

This sounds like a super fun and skillful archetype, right?

RIGHT?

Anyways, your Totem is extremely emo and bloodthirsty, so it stores up your… blood.. in a… blood pool…

Jeez, Wynncraft’s speedrunning that R-rating, aren’t they.

Anyways, your Blood Pool buffs your Aura, making it deal more damage whenever your lazy fingers decide to cast it after ten months of waiting, and makes it heal your stagnant, ungrateful butt. Like seriously, why don’t you just dodge?

Oh wait, I forgot, you have the muscle mass of a sheet of wet tissue paper ON FIRE-

Anyways, I think I should reinforce your miniscule brain instead of pointing out the various glaring flaws you have, which you should see if you have more than 3 IQ, which you quite obviously have fallen short of.

Uproot deals absolutely nuke-like damage with it’s ability, Blood Sorrow, which is more Emo than the name of a 14 year old kid’s startup band formed in his dirty, soda can littered basement which will fall apart like your sanity in two minutes.

To take care of your totem, which you will, because I’m pretty sure you still somewhat have some sliver of morals, you can stand in the Totem’s radius, to drain your life energy away.

Remember, Totems are bloodthirsty, and they have been known to appear in the room of an unsuspecting villager, sucking the lifeblood from their arm. So keeping your totems safe and full is the best way to not get arrested! However, keep your shreds of feeble wit about you, as you don’t want to pass out in the middle of Detlas. After all, we still need people to buy this newsletter!

Also, please do not make your Totem have to constantly use Aura. It drains their energy greatly, because they have to make their Auras go faster AND heal you. To make you sympathize with your tired Totem, think about how tired you are after you get up from your gaming chair to order another pizza from Pizza Shack or something. Plus, it takes blood away from your Blood Pool, and you being a coward, you won’t refill it.

Well, that’s Acolyte.

Ritualist

Then there’s Ritualist.

Here, you have four masks.

The Mask of the Fanatic, the mask Ava and Lari simps seem to always wear. It grants resistance to your stupidity at the cost of your negligible strength.

The Mask of the Lunatic, which describes you very, very well. It grants you some muscle strength, something you desperately need.

The Mask of the Coward, which honestly isn’t a mask for you because it’s your whole face. It grants you speed, so you can get out of your Wynncraft addiction.

And… the Mask of the Awakened. What does it awake you to, I don’t know, realizing Enderae’s an idio-

Anyways, taking care of your Totem is quite easy. You can let it roam with Seeking Totem, but be careful to not let it run in areas without prey. It’ll drain its energy even faster. Remember, your Totem is heavy, and it’s hard for him to move without constant sources of energy. Don’t mistreat your Totems. We’ll find you.

…

Alternatively, you can venture into monster-riddled caves and let your Totem drain their energy to feed him. However, we tested this with @Mardeknius , our secretary, and uhh…

We have a new job application as our secretary!

Pays 8 emeralds per day!

Paid leave every two and a half decades!
A constant risk of death, dismemberment, and/or painful injury!

Solitary confinement!

Apply at enderae . is a fool . ender!

Moving on, we have a special section, written by our very own @Enderae!

Totem Care

As we all know, totems are precocious creatures, and we’ve made a guide on how to take care of them before. But after the Shaman Renewing spell, there have been three more types of Totems that you must learn to take care of!

But don’t worry, new and veteran owners alike. Totems are kindly animals, who would never hurt a fly!

Right, Jake?

… Jake?

Anyways, we’ve given you some tips and tricks in the Archetype guides above. But we thought it would be nice to give a more… concentrated guide.

So without further ado, this is how to take care of each Archetype’s Totems!

Starting off, the Acolyte totems feed off of blood, like vampires. Therefore, a suitable source of blood must be given to them. Butcher shops are a good and relatively painless idea, however if it’s crowded with Acolyte users, you may use… your own blood.

Or, you can just go to the crowded butcher shops and let your Totem run free!

However, we tried this and @Endistic was arrested and put in jail. We broke him out, but we’re currently on the run in the Sky Islands, which is why it took so long to post this. We’re currently lodging in an abandoned Skyraiders outpost, please give us bread, Totem #1 is starving.

Back to the post!

If you want to make your Totem stronger at the cost of their… other faculties, you may feed them Corrupted energy.

This has a chance of Corrupting them, but it gives them immense energy and strength. Use at your own risk, and at the risk of your living quarters, as the ruins in Ahmsord can attest.

Overall, Acolyte Totems are amazing guards, dangerous and costly, but amazing guards and companions! Just make sure you have a shield near you.

For your Ritualist totem, you don’t need to do anything special. After all, you’re good at not doing things. Just let your Totem feast on nearby enemies occasionally and let them replenish their energy. Y’know, there are some Totem feeding parties in our Discord, which doesn’t exist.

Instead, you need to regulate what your Totem does do. Don’t let your Totem have to Seek so much. If there are nearby mobs, and your Totem wants to, sure, go for it, but it’s quite harmful if you let your Totem seek with only a couple mobs around for sustenance. Sky Symbols are much better at Seeking and tire less than normal Totems, due to their structure being much more… ethereal, just like how you describe your accomplished goals. AKA, you don’t have any.

Lastly, for Summoner Totems, they’re quite complicated.

Please, please, please do not make your Totem summon too many things. It drains their energy faster than it drains yours to be a useful member of society. They’re quite average in respects to their needs, unlike you. However, Summoner Totems have a natural affinity to the earth, and as such Uproot gives them energy. We have Mana Regen builds to spam Uproot and Uproot Parties in our nonexistent Discord!

Recent research done by @Mardeknius has found that the Effigies and Puppets spawned by your Totem can give energy to their totem through means of attacking and/or killing enemies, or amplifying the Uproots fired at their totem. Or, they can send the Totem their own energy! Now, if only you had some Puppets.

Well, that’s it for Totem Care.

Lastly, please remember that Sky Symbols are allergic to precious metals such as gold and silver. This is a PSA because of that one guy who fed his Totem coins and accidentally killed him. Please don’t do that again, Robert. We’re watching you.

Conclusion

Well, you’ve made it to the end of Newsletter 3. Sorry it took so long to release this one, we’ve been hard at work researching. Speaking of that, you should to. That sheet of homework for your Biology class you skipped for three years straight is looking a little… rotten, like your intelligence.

Remember, Totems are wonderful pets, and you should take good care of them.

Acolyte Totems require blood to survive, whether it be yours or your enemies’. Still a better love story than Twilight.

Summoner Totems like being Uprooted for energy, but don’t make them Summon too much stuff! After all, you get tired when you get off your decrepit gaming chair to answer your crying friends at the door who haven’t seen your face since 2003!

Ritualist Totems just need to feast on nearby enemies, like you do on your endless supply of moldy pizza from 2019.

Furthermore, we’re opening up Newsletter Donations!

Give us a province’s spoils to make us release our virtual pixelated newsletter on a server on a children’s block game one second faster, because you have the attention span of a grasshopper!

im literally just putting this here to appease @Mardeknius this is not serious

Well, goodbye, you rat, and see you in our next newsletter!

so i typed the third newsletter, when do i get to see the sun - endi
NEVER - enderae
that's it... *knocks enderae out with soup bowl and escapes* - endi
*three hours pass*
*enderae wakes up*
NO ENDI ESCAPED I NEED SOMEONE TO WRITE MY NEWSLETTERS FOR ME TO EARN MONEY - enderae
*enderae sets out in pursuit of endi*

________________________________

reserved for no reason
Click to expand...

this newsletter is a faliure

Enderae, Aug 27, 2022

#40

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