Wynncraftian Newsletter 3 - Written By Idiots in Kandon-Beda

please don't take any of this literally all the insults here should only be directed at @Enderae and not at yourselves, you are all amazing people, please leave a hate comment on enderae's profile - enderae
The shamans of Gavel and Wynn have united to bring a new dawn for the Shamans!


Three Archetypes have been released, the Summoner, who, well, summons stuff, and somehow manages to make it uglier than you! no i take it back you aren’t ugly NO COME BACK I NEED VIEWS- The Acolyte, whose only desire is to make Wynn R-rated, and the Ritualist, who has more personalities than a deranged VTuber.


Before we begin our guides to each Archetype, I would like to issue a formal apology for all the time it took between Newsletter II and Newsletter III. We were too busy kidnapp- I MEAN befriending wild Totems to exper- I MEAN learn more about them!


There is no illegality going on in the basement of a random Ahmsordian building, nope!

shut up ahmsord police we’re holding your comrades hostage

Table of Contents

Summoner Guide

Acolyte Guide

Ritualist Guide

Totem Care Guide

How To Touch Grass Guide obviously this doesn’t exist you are wynn players, you’ve never seen the sun or felt the grass outside in years

Conclusion


To tell us about each Archetype, we have our field researcher, @Endistic!

—

Summoner Guide

So to start us off, we have Summoner.

Summoner summons things, obviously. It’s in the name, you blithering idiot, learn to READ before you play VIDEO GAMES.


Anyways, they have Puppets that hit somewhat lightly, and then an Effigy that hits harder than the realization that you don’t have any friends.

You cast Totem and then go take a nap because you’re so lazy you can’t deal any damage yourself, and force magical entities to do the dirty work and murder things for you. Like seriously, where is your work ethic? Oh, I forgot, it’s gone, because your entire life consists of drinking Diet Coke and eating moldy pizza in your MOTHER’S BASEMENT-


Go get a job or something. You wasted ten years on this game. Get a life.


…

No?

I thought so.


If you have even a shred of morality remaining in the husk of a human being you are, you had better take good care of your totem, lest the THA, the Totem Health Agency expose you to *shudder* s-sunlight.


*bleaches mouth*


Don’t make your Totem summon so much stuff, after all, you can barely lift yourself off your decrepit gaming chair to eat another slice of pizza.


Don’t be a hypocrite!


It tires the Totem to deal with such a buffoon like you, even more to have to summon and work for you unpaid and without break or leave.


And there have been reports of Totems turning on their owners. This seems to be in direct correlation to the owner’s pure stupidity, so you are all in deep, deep, danger.

…


Acolyte Guide

Next, we have Acolyte!

The archetype more goth than a 14 year old girl listening to Billie Eilish for the two hundredth time after she broke up with her boyfriend that she had for three days because he didn't give her a colony in Antartica!


Acolyte specializes in literally taking your blood and giving it to a totem for energy and extra power.

This sounds like a super fun and skillful archetype, right?

RIGHT?




Anyways, your Totem is extremely emo and bloodthirsty, so it stores up your… blood.. in a… blood pool…


Jeez, Wynncraft’s speedrunning that R-rating, aren’t they.


Anyways, your Blood Pool buffs your Aura, making it deal more damage whenever your lazy fingers decide to cast it after ten months of waiting, and makes it heal your stagnant, ungrateful butt. Like seriously, why don’t you just dodge?


Oh wait, I forgot, you have the muscle mass of a sheet of wet tissue paper ON FIRE-


Anyways, I think I should reinforce your miniscule brain instead of pointing out the various glaring flaws you have, which you should see if you have more than 3 IQ, which you quite obviously have fallen short of.


Uproot deals absolutely nuke-like damage with it’s ability, Blood Sorrow, which is more Emo than the name of a 14 year old kid’s startup band formed in his dirty, soda can littered basement which will fall apart like your sanity in two minutes.


To take care of your totem, which you will, because I’m pretty sure you still somewhat have some sliver of morals, you can stand in the Totem’s radius, to drain your life energy away.


Remember, Totems are bloodthirsty, and they have been known to appear in the room of an unsuspecting villager, sucking the lifeblood from their arm. So keeping your totems safe and full is the best way to not get arrested! However, keep your shreds of feeble wit about you, as you don’t want to pass out in the middle of Detlas. After all, we still need people to buy this newsletter!


Also, please do not make your Totem have to constantly use Aura. It drains their energy greatly, because they have to make their Auras go faster AND heal you. To make you sympathize with your tired Totem, think about how tired you are after you get up from your gaming chair to order another pizza from Pizza Shack or something. Plus, it takes blood away from your Blood Pool, and you being a coward, you won’t refill it.


Well, that’s Acolyte.

Ritualist

Then there’s Ritualist.

Here, you have four masks.

The Mask of the Fanatic, the mask Ava and Lari simps seem to always wear. It grants resistance to your stupidity at the cost of your negligible strength.

The Mask of the Lunatic, which describes you very, very well. It grants you some muscle strength, something you desperately need.

The Mask of the Coward, which honestly isn’t a mask for you because it’s your whole face. It grants you speed, so you can get out of your Wynncraft addiction.

And… the Mask of the Awakened. What does it awake you to, I don’t know, realizing Enderae’s an idio-


Anyways, taking care of your Totem is quite easy. You can let it roam with Seeking Totem, but be careful to not let it run in areas without prey. It’ll drain its energy even faster. Remember, your Totem is heavy, and it’s hard for him to move without constant sources of energy. Don’t mistreat your Totems. We’ll find you.


…

Alternatively, you can venture into monster-riddled caves and let your Totem drain their energy to feed him. However, we tested this with @Mardeknius , our secretary, and uhh…


We have a new job application as our secretary!

Pays 8 emeralds per day!

Paid leave every two and a half decades!
A constant risk of death, dismemberment, and/or painful injury!

Solitary confinement!

Apply at enderae . is a fool . ender!


Moving on, we have a special section, written by our very own @Enderae!


Totem Care

As we all know, totems are precocious creatures, and we’ve made a guide on how to take care of them before. But after the Shaman Renewing spell, there have been three more types of Totems that you must learn to take care of!


But don’t worry, new and veteran owners alike. Totems are kindly animals, who would never hurt a fly!


Right, Jake?

… Jake?


Anyways, we’ve given you some tips and tricks in the Archetype guides above. But we thought it would be nice to give a more… concentrated guide.


So without further ado, this is how to take care of each Archetype’s Totems!


Starting off, the Acolyte totems feed off of blood, like vampires. Therefore, a suitable source of blood must be given to them. Butcher shops are a good and relatively painless idea, however if it’s crowded with Acolyte users, you may use… your own blood.


Or, you can just go to the crowded butcher shops and let your Totem run free!

However, we tried this and @Endistic was arrested and put in jail. We broke him out, but we’re currently on the run in the Sky Islands, which is why it took so long to post this. We’re currently lodging in an abandoned Skyraiders outpost, please give us bread, Totem #1 is starving.


Back to the post!


If you want to make your Totem stronger at the cost of their… other faculties, you may feed them Corrupted energy.


This has a chance of Corrupting them, but it gives them immense energy and strength. Use at your own risk, and at the risk of your living quarters, as the ruins in Ahmsord can attest.


Overall, Acolyte Totems are amazing guards, dangerous and costly, but amazing guards and companions! Just make sure you have a shield near you.


For your Ritualist totem, you don’t need to do anything special. After all, you’re good at not doing things. Just let your Totem feast on nearby enemies occasionally and let them replenish their energy. Y’know, there are some Totem feeding parties in our Discord, which doesn’t exist.


Instead, you need to regulate what your Totem does do. Don’t let your Totem have to Seek so much. If there are nearby mobs, and your Totem wants to, sure, go for it, but it’s quite harmful if you let your Totem seek with only a couple mobs around for sustenance. Sky Symbols are much better at Seeking and tire less than normal Totems, due to their structure being much more… ethereal, just like how you describe your accomplished goals. AKA, you don’t have any.

Lastly, for Summoner Totems, they’re quite complicated.


Please, please, please do not make your Totem summon too many things. It drains their energy faster than it drains yours to be a useful member of society. They’re quite average in respects to their needs, unlike you. However, Summoner Totems have a natural affinity to the earth, and as such Uproot gives them energy. We have Mana Regen builds to spam Uproot and Uproot Parties in our nonexistent Discord!


Recent research done by @Mardeknius has found that the Effigies and Puppets spawned by your Totem can give energy to their totem through means of attacking and/or killing enemies, or amplifying the Uproots fired at their totem. Or, they can send the Totem their own energy! Now, if only you had some Puppets.


Well, that’s it for Totem Care.

Lastly, please remember that Sky Symbols are allergic to precious metals such as gold and silver. This is a PSA because of that one guy who fed his Totem coins and accidentally killed him. Please don’t do that again, Robert. We’re watching you.


Conclusion

Well, you’ve made it to the end of Newsletter 3. Sorry it took so long to release this one, we’ve been hard at work researching. Speaking of that, you should to. That sheet of homework for your Biology class you skipped for three years straight is looking a little… rotten, like your intelligence.


Remember, Totems are wonderful pets, and you should take good care of them.

Acolyte Totems require blood to survive, whether it be yours or your enemies’. Still a better love story than Twilight.

Summoner Totems like being Uprooted for energy, but don’t make them Summon too much stuff! After all, you get tired when you get off your decrepit gaming chair to answer your crying friends at the door who haven’t seen your face since 2003!

Ritualist Totems just need to feast on nearby enemies, like you do on your endless supply of moldy pizza from 2019.


Furthermore, we’re opening up Newsletter Donations!

Give us a province’s spoils to make us release our virtual pixelated newsletter on a server on a children’s block game one second faster, because you have the attention span of a grasshopper!

im literally just putting this here to appease @Mardeknius this is not serious

Well, goodbye, you rat, and see you in our next newsletter!



so i typed the third newsletter, when do i get to see the sun - endi
NEVER - enderae
that's it... *knocks enderae out with soup bowl and escapes* - endi
*three hours pass*
*enderae wakes up*
NO ENDI ESCAPED I NEED SOMEONE TO WRITE MY NEWSLETTERS FOR ME TO EARN MONEY - enderae
*enderae sets out in pursuit of endi*

________________________________

reserved for no reason

 

gaminggggg

 

enderae what have you done?
even now, on a week-long break from wynn, I can still hear it.
the thumping of totems hitting the ground. the combat warning notifications resounding in my ears. and oh god no, the sound of courage boosted poison ticks
they are in here. the toxoplasmosis users are at the door to my housing plot.
they are in here they are in here they are in here
*insert radio static here*

 

uhh
ik your a tstack singu mage
lightbender
uhhh
spam heal and hope for the best, and try to run if you can

 

slight problem here, I use singu so therefore I am slower than a dehydrated (sky) snail

 

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

but see I have my koh in my bank with my lootrunning setup right now
(look I can explain why I lootrun with koh, I don’t have the will to give up my precious oblivion for a warp)

 

but lootrunning w/ koh is valid imo

 

Today is my fifteenth of living with the zombies in the Herb Cave. They lack the requisite intelligence to notice a living being amongst their midst. Since my totem has been ripped to shreds, I have no way to fight the slimes outside. My c̶a̶p̶t̶o̶r̶s̶ employers left me for dead after seeing my totem's death. I'm running out of food, the flesh found in these chests will only keep me alive for so long. If you see this message, please send help.

 

Now applying for secretary
Also editor, looks like you might need one
Offering secure safe house in a currently undisclosed city for 1 eb a day.

 

I agree, lootrunning with ddust and koh is very meta and totally not because I’m poor

 

yes i need one
enderae is holding me captive
i dont have an eb though

________________________________

imagine lootrunning smh

 

Crying for totem #1 right now, I hope they survive!
I can't wait until the next edition I need to know what happens next!

;-;

 

Grind my friend, grind

Preparing my necromantic tome in case worst comes to worst for totem #1, who else

 

I SPENT YEARSO N THIS
BUMP

 

Hello, I received a warrant to search your basement from the Ahmsord Police Depart- *muffled screaming*

Yeah, no sorry, what I actually meant (totally Da Homeboi btw) is: does it matter what blood type you are to feed your totem? Also, I heard a funny rumor that blood contains Iron. While that is... probably... false, does Iron count as a precious metal?

 

Not false, can confirm, made steel sword out of people

 

Sounds like a skill issue ngl

 

alright where the hell did you get that image