Bullshit Your Way To Victory

I summon 1000000 bees and take the city

 

I genetically modify the bees to be sentient, and they kick you out of the city for enslaving them. They then reinstate me as their glorious leader for enlightening them and bringing them into a new age of freedom

 

alright, enough

I turn on creative mode (only for myself) and build super amazing city with tons of lagless redstone
City is equiped with unbreakable machines that delete any powers/armors/whatever of my enemies instantly
Every single citizen loves me, nothing you could do to turn them against me
The machines also prevent any form of time travel btw

I then proceed to chill until no one posts anything for 1 month
Take that

 

While you do that, I'm just relaxing in the actual city that you forgot about, and didn't say anything about replacing, so your waiting serves no end except to hasten my victory.

I also persuade the indestructible anti-bs guards to prevent anyone from repeating any of their previous capture attempts :)

 

I consider @MlecznyHuxel99 city to be the real one and @Sir_Doomed city to be cringe
I also supply @MlecznyHuxel99 with more redstone

 

I make @Potatomancer co owner of the City of Coolness

 

Too bad Potatomancer was me the whole time! I take full control of the city from you!

 

Foolish! My redstone machines detected this and put you into jail! Real Potatomancer is now in our castle

 

I gave fake skylaar a tracker before he infiltrated your operation, and I use his proximity to the machines so they no longer recognized me as an enemy. I then destroy both you and real potato with my giant robot suit, before taking the city for myself

 

I call Saul Goodman and he manages to get you out of the city, then I upgrade my machines so they are even smarter now and you cant fool them

 

This is fake and you get sent to chinese taipai for such action
I also give @Sir_Doomed his own city to appease him, so now there are 2 cities

 

I leave my hotel room in the first city, the only True City. Some guards accost me, assuming I'm here to steal it, but after hours of conversation I convince them I'm not. That isn't even a lie, actually, I'm really not here for theft. I'm actually going to visit a friend in a coffee shop! Not the most exciting thing, I imagine, but it's a friend I haven't seen in years, so it's bound to be some good conversation.


Striding into the shop a full thirteen minutes after our agreed meeting time (because I left my hotel room at the scheduled time) I order a non-caffeinated black coffee and wait for the other person, guaranteed to be even later than I.

The coffee's fine, I guess? I'm thinking of ordering something that doesn't taste like the concentrated essence of bad beans, GET IT? BECAU- but the city and the company will make it all worth it. The City itself is a fine and majestic thing. It has survived countless eons, countless rulers, and countless architectural design choices of concerning quality. The city has been leveled countless times, and yet always survives. Its current highly-redstoned facades are the only time I've ever seen brutalism done well, but here and there one spots an old-style building of completely random appearance.

Old, worn streets tell an even more ancient story. Outside this coffee shop is a cobblestone path that looks as if it's been here since medieval times, and yet I know for a fact that a few blocks away a hovercraft tube snakes through the sky. An automobile highway travels right below this shop, and on rails in the center also travels the city subway, turnstiles overseen by the city's elite Anti-Anti Bullshit guards, who are extremely versatile in the jobs they will do on the city's behalf.

Look, there goes the procession parade for the newest leader! Lots of tanks, lots of speeches about a new era of peace and whatnot. Good for them. It's rare that new leadership manages to make it three weeks in this place, from what I've heard. Good success to the New Order of the Most Ancient And Noble Cabal of the Potatomancers, even if the name's unwieldy and the coffee's bad. Again, that's mostly my fault.

Ever-cautiously sipping the still-hot coffee, my ears perk up when my friend enters the coffee shop. You walk over to my table, and as you sit you're pleasantly surprised to see that I've managed to order your favorite drink.


... Though the coffee is great, you are unfortunately here on business. You've got a city to steal, after all. You kind of expected to have to take it from me, but I've already made a promise up top, which you suppose means that you're here to take the city from the Potatomancer Cabal. Their reign of stability has given The City a much-needed respite from endless strife and combat between unkillable entities of godlike power, treating their lives and homes as nothing more than pure collateral, consumed by s single-minded desire to treat the lives of countless millions as a game. You are here to end that respite.

Here to bring fire, ruin, and chaos to the people of The City with your maniacal scheming. Not that I'm any better, of course. Did you know that I created the Piranha Guards, long ago? They are the only protection this city has from people like us, and yet they were made by us to stand still as we fought, as long as we fought in a certain way. They care for this city far more than any of us do.

Even the Potatomancer Cabal, for all their talks of peace, wishes above all for victory. If they were to lose the city to an elaborate and utter bullshit plot, they would be destroying it once more in their attempts to seize power.


Certainly, I want to... huh?

I got the name wrong? What do you mean? Ah, it's a single Potatomancer? Not a cabal? Are you sure about that? I can read the flying red banners of the cabal from here, dear friend.

That's a good pair of eyes on you, then, not many would have noticed. You're right, you deserve an answer. The Potatomancer hasn't been in charge for a good while now. The public assumes that the Almujite was the face of the cabal, and has dipped in importance as the cabal itself has tightened its grip on power. Truth is, the "Potatomancer Cabal" and the Potatomancer have nothing in common. The name similarity was just to lull the public - and our peers - into a false sense of security.

You must remember where I came from, yes? The hotel room? I've been in this city for well over a week now, and while I was entirely honest to those guards that I wasn't coming here to steal the city, I wasn't as honest with why. You see, a week ago, while our peers and citizens weren't looking, I hid what I had done in the first letter of each paragraph of this post.

^u~

 

Im too lazy to read through an entire paragraph and more so I nuke both cities, and create two new cities that go back to it’s original owners
I give you a hotel in Brazil because it appears you like hotels

 

Your laziness enables me to perform a mythical and forbidden Two Power Three Times Aujourd'hui City Redistribution Technique, and the original city is revealed to have been shrunken down within my suitcase the entire time.

I re-deploy the city in the depths of the Amazon rainforest. At that exact instant, the two "new" cities are revealed to have been hotels in disguise.

 

I make 2 new cities, and made sure they weren’t hotels, even putting an incorruptible and unhackable ai that ensures there aren’t any unwanted hotels in the city. I give them to @Sir_Doomed and @MlecznyHuxel99.
I leave @hmtn city alone, even giving the city the same ai I put in the other 2 cities.

 

I buy little pastry shop in each city, and win both the support of the elderly and young, and the people's power breaks all measurements, purely to make my little shop a global little shop

________________________________

The cities are now made up of various installations of my little shop with piranhas in each one as a gift for the 1000th customer and there is a key hidden in a croissant in one shop which gives whoever finds it control over 50% of the shares

 

I don’t see how this threatens the power of all three cities so I decide to ignore this post for now
Seeing the little pastry shop’s success, I fund the global little shop with 100000 dollars plus a potato

 

Little did you know, I am still in the original city as a regular inhabitant. As the only one left after severe disaster, I obtain it through squatter’s rights.

 

I pour water onto you which turns you into obsidian and mine you with a diamond pickaxe. I proceed to throw you into lava and because Minecraft logic is bad you die. I reobtain the city through squatters rights.
I immediately give the city back to @Sir_Doomed

 

This post made me cringe so I remove it, and therefore nothing in this post ever happened.