Bullshit Your Way To Victory | 3 D* |

What?

Both of the previous Bullshit Your Way To Victory threads passed the Necro Event horizon years ago, and have been patiently waiting for the universe to die of heat death so that they can Hawking Radiation their way out of the grave.

That's how Hawking Radiation works, right?

Good news - it is**, and the universe has! New Big Bang means that it's a brand new world out there, and The City is ready to be ruled once more!

That didn't explain anything at all. Can I get the rules?

If you haven't played before, it's basically King of the Hill.

...But with a city. And your capture technique has to be utter bullshit, too, making an art of dancing on the fine line between plausibility and complete and utter nonsense.

If you just yoink The City, no explanation, The City's Elite Anti-Anti-Bullshitter guards will be on you like the unkillable piranha monsters that they are***. You wouldn't want to test your luck, would you?

I certainly wouldn't.

Let's begin. I own the city.

Whoever owns it at threadlock will own it for all of time, until time itself comes to an end and the cycle repeats.

There's also a pit trap here that was always here, and that I didn't edit into the op because really, imagine that? Ridiculous.


* Third dimension left unused.
** If you can prove otherwise, you get the city for free.
*** Some say they were built for the War in Heaven

 

I turn the whole city into a melon and take it, then move it to south africa and un-transform it

 

I turn South Africa into a delicious potato and ship it to an alternate universe, so you have untransform it without eating the potato.

 

I kill everyone gg ez

 

I flood the ghost city with spies loyal only to me. They oust you from power and bring me in with a parade.

 

I eat the parade and take control

 

I use quantum superpositioning to make the city exist in multiple places at once, now you can't enter the city wothout collpsing the superposition, and destroying nearly infinite copies of the city!
I know this isnt how superpositions work, please dont flame me...

 

I sen infinite copies of myself into each of the cities at the exact same time and take control of each of them

 

I use the universal remote to simultaneously pause each and every one of your clones, rendering them immobile for all eternity.

 

fortunately, i can just clone myself again and again, and i give them all immunity to being paused

 

I use the universal remote to rewind back to before you started making clones, then pause you

 

I walk into the city, collapsing it into a single reality and destroying all infinite amount minus one other copies of you. Since infinity minus 1 is still infinity, there isn't a copy of any of you in this city either, and so I can easily take over.

 

hawking radation is radiation, theorized by steven hawking in 1974, that is released from black holes. it is theorized that they cause black holes to lose mass and energy, eventually dissipating the black hole.

however, steven hawking is dead and thus he's a dumbass who wasn't smart enough to prevent his own death
thus hawking radiation is dumb, and cant do shit

gib city

 

I launch a fake attack on the city, then teleport it to my secret Antarctic fortress, protected by invincible laser penguins, while you're distracted.

 

i coo the penguins alive. As they are immortal, they are now uhh in pain until the charcoal dies which is never and i take control of the city and turn it into a pawn and ship it and go to jail for pawn trafficking and get realesed to jail and then thn uh iak i tepot ot a neo unvrs and rle weth deimon feedt

 

Uhh, they're invincible... They can't be harmed.

 

I bribe them with fish, then melt the entire antarctic and steal back the city by hiding it in a pocket dimension that I throw into a black hole

 

Ha, you fell right into my trap! That city was a decoy all along! You'll never find the real city...

 

But I can, following the signal of a transmitter left by one of my spies. I enter the city on another parade, because I'm still extremely popular.

 

The parade is actually made of my spies, all of whom have the maximum jump height builds which instantly kill anyone without Lightweight upon ground impact (I tested this), and they all jump simultanioesuly (spelling is fun) and you die from fall damage, leaving me as the king of the city, which I surround with a wall of cute kittens.

I also have a pit-trap escaping mechanism.
I also also make a clone of myself that I put in a seperate universe that no one knows about.
Ehehe this is fun